Monday, December 24, 2012

2013-Back to the land of the living

2012 wasn't really the most memorable year ever for me.  Sure I did a few things out of my "ordinary", attempted to be active and healthy, but for the most part it seems as if I was on auto-pilot. I spent the majority of the year unenthused and exhibiting little ambition (for anything).  Don't mis-read my words or attempt to read between the lines. I can talk a good game and on the outside no one guessed what was going on on the inside; that my heart just wasn't in living! Yeah I know; Kinda sad.

My year of mourning started in January.  I never purposefully intended to mourn; after all no one LITERALLY died or left my life.  But after switching doctors and explaining to him my unexplained exhaustion, body aches, night sweats, crying spells out of no where and the INCREDIBLE mood swings the doctor ran some tests. He determined I was pre-menopausal (Peri-menopausal for those hoytie toyties wishing to make hell sound less extreme and more manageable). He also mentioned (due to my age and the fact that I am childless) that if my husband and I were considering having children that we should explore the option of adoption, as there was only a 5% ish chance that natural conception and or invitro-fertilization would be successful.

I'm sure that I am not alone in how I felt when told my chances of having my own blood related child. As a woman undecided about bringing a child into the world to begin with, having the choice ripped from my "being" was a bit more over whelming then imagined. Not that I ever imagined NOT having the choice. Because when asked by family members "what happens when the clocks stops ticking" I'd merely state that we could chose to adopt ("there are plenty of children who need families. We don't HAVE to have a baby.").  But of course it was yet another reminder of who is in control and who is not. And my type a ass is not in control. And I was bummed to say the least that having a biological child was no longer a choice I could make. I felt like I lost a part of my woman hood was being questioned. And I slipped into a depression that I even tried to deny to myself. That is so weird to type out loud.

Well, my mourning is over and it's time to get back to life. I can't say that the "depression" has subsided; just more manageable. I guess the saying is true that it's all about choices. I can chose to be happy with what I have, learn to live and smile, and laugh (with out force) or I can continue to waste space. And seriously...wasting space is totally over rated! :O)

Merry Christmas everyone.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Wow...I'm such a slacker these days!

I'm such a slacker. I'm not sure where time went but the year is almost over.  And while I accomplished a lot on my 'to do list' I didn't accomplish the main thing I wanted to and that's to be in better physical shape AND be at goal weight. Then again I'm thinking (as I type this)  'did I get that specific on my to do list in regards to wieght? Did I write out how I want to accomplish those goals?'  Guess I'll need to make sure I am very specific with my weight and physical goals this year; as specific as I was with my reading and 5k goals. 

More later...when I got it all written out. I just can't believe the year is almost over!!!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

"And that's why your still fat..."

Power of self talk is amazing. Also amazing is how much easier it is to believe the negative over the positive. It's like a frickin ipod set up on repeat to play the same thing, over and over, day in day out. Or like a record that skips and plays the same thing over and over until you pick up the needle for those who are my age.

I know when the negative voices set up permanent camp; refusing to leave.  But there is no way to go back-"it is what it is". Life happens. Some just know how to move on earlier than others. Then again, I've noticed that there are a lot of others out there "just like me", muddling their way thru too, just trying to find their happy place. We all have a story.  But no offense, it's not a comforting feeling. Life shouldn't ALWAYS be so hard. Or emotionally charged. I enjoy the days when the stars are aligned perfectly and "life" falls into place where I can smile freely because I "feel at peace". I long for a "routine" that doesn't involve feeling helpless, overwhelmed, "out of sorts".

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Tomorrow is a new day

Today wasn't a's a learning experience

pain only last forever if you let it....and I like not letting it (even though it's really hard letting go).

there is no shame in who I am...and what I am is human.

I have feelings, I'm an emotional being...

I've made mistakes and I'll continue to make mistakes.

Me making mistakes does not make me a malicious person because I'm not making the mistakes out of spike (I just have brain farts now and then!!).

My mistakes are my own; no one else's. I accept that.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will make it my own!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

One isn't always the loneliest number...

I am a loner. I've always been this way. As far back as I can remember I've had very little problems doing things by myself, for myself.

Don't get me wrong...given the opportunity I will play nice with others and will openly invite others to "tag along" on my journey.

But life for me hasn't always been that way. Having a pal to always do things with.  And it wasn't always easy to go off and "do my own thing." But I had no choice. Because depending on someone to would require me to have faith that they wouldn't let me down. Because that happens; people let me down. Sometimes on purpose; sometimes not so much on purpose.

I participated in the Des Moines Half Marathon almost two weeks ago. A Friend of mine was supposed to go with but had to bail at the last minute. I was really disappointed because I'd done something I told myself I wouldn't ever let happen again. I promised myself that I wouldn't get excited that she was going; I wouldn't look forward to having her cheer me on. And I certainly wouldn't be disappointed if she couldn't go. But I went and did it. I was excited and looking forward to the companionship. This would be the first race that ANYONE went specifically to cheer me on. It's really hard to explain. And I felt like an adolescent.

So I drove to Des Moines. Checked into the hotel and picked up my race packet. Then I went to visit my brother, sis in law and nieces. It was a nice visit and the SIL asked about spectators for the race...what they do, where they stand, etc. Never being a specator I really had no idea what to tell her. I was like you make your way to the race course, cheer from the side and hope you see whom your looking for. Or you hang out at the end and meet up....which is what she did....and the girls and my brother did.

The Des Moines Half Marathon itself, words can't fully explain. It is a BEAUTIFUL course. There were athletes of all shapes and sizes, all skill levels. There were plenty of water stations, gu stations, spectators, music. The weather was freaking awesome (started out at 48 degrees and got to 60 by the end of the race). I only heard one snide remark, from a dipshit on the sidelines, stating to those of us at that the back of the pack "see you in 7 hrs". At least I was participating. Many would not have followed through with participation after the summer I had. I participated on no real training. The diehards would shudder at the thought that someone would actually do a half  marathon without proper training. I battled Plantar Fasciitis, I battled my confidence, I battled self esteem, I battled the dreaded hormones. But I wasn't backing out; I'd suffer whatever consequences were sent my way. And it was a good Wogg.  I'd run a bit, then walk a bit then repeat. I would often say "ok you've run this far, go to the next post." or "Run to the second light" and then make myself go just a lil further past that.  My time sucked (3 hrs 17 mins-22 mins slower than the last half) BUT over all it was a real good experience.  A road of healing, discovering new products (supplements and the roo pac for running)....

Thursday, October 11, 2012

We Weeble and We Wobble but We're NOT Falling Down

I'm feeling a bit ill prepared for the half marathon next week. I've struggled with foot problems all summer and did not seek other avenues to strengthen my legs and lungs (like I should have). I have NO doubt I that I will be able to complete the half marathon; but I do doubt being able to complete it in a better time than my last half marathon (I completed the last half marathon in 2 hrs 55 mins).

I often struggle with confidence and control. One I can influence (confidence) one I can not (control). I just have to remember that I DO deserve happiness, I DO deserve the very best that life has to offer and that just because I can't control when or how it happens I can believe in myself (and what I'm doing) and know that it (happiness, good things, endless possibilities) will eventually happen.

No matter how much we weeble, how much we wobble, we are strong and won't fall down. But you know what, if we do fall down it isn't the end of the world. We'll just havce to pick ourselves up and resume the 'one foot in front of the other".

Thursday, October 4, 2012

still kicking...

It's amazing how quickly life blink and it's a new day. which is a good thing...better than the alternative.

Nothing really new to report or chat about. I've been reading, working, walking, and working some more. My friend and I have started our woggin sundays again! I've done 6 1/2 miles each Sunday and each time my pace speeds up.

The weather is beautiful out and I love being outside during this time. I hope it's nice and chilly in 16 days...when it's time for me to wog the half marathon!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Just gotta have faith...

I'm very lucky. I'm in a wonderful place in my life. I no longer really "want" for anything these days.  I have the love of others; I have encouragement for the things I do or want to do; and while money doesnt' grow on the tree out back, there always seems to be "just enough" to get us by.  I'm also in good health (other than the usual aches and pains of aging and my bum foot) and able to do so much more than others I know. 

But some days I forget. Or just plain don't "feel lucky". Everyone has days like that. We're human and life happens. And on those days, when life just doesn't feel right, I say to myself "Just gotta have faith". I just gotta have faith that others will know to do the right thing. I just gotta have faith that he will feel better soon. I just gotta have faith that all will go smooth and work out as planned.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Bye Bye spare tired...

putting the big pants on...literally. Went to the goodwill store this weekend for more pants (bigger). It's amazing how quickly the weight has come back on. This time two years ago I was 218 lbs.  Today I am 196. All because I stopped holding myself accountable.

Had lunch with one of my besties (Sherrie). It was a GREAT visit and uplifting as hell.  We were talking how at our age (early/mid 40's) it's so hard to lose weight. We look at food and put on 5 lbs whereas our friend who is mid 30's loses it finger snap quick just by drinking one less beer at night. And we talked how the only thing that really helped, that really helped us focus, was Weight Watchers.

So I signed up for Weight Watchers. Again. And I'm going to use their tools. Again. And maybe this time I can REALLY make it a life style change. Not just a way to lose weight.

Monday, August 27, 2012

it isn't's me...

no's me....I just lose track of time and don't blog. I get side tracked hell, I've become lazy. It's easy enough to do these days.  BUT I have been reading blog away my friends; blog away.

These are the things I've gotten sidetracked with....

first....I took FB for a car ride (please excuse the fact that it is side ways. It isn't saved that way on my computer but lately my blog doesn't like to play fair)...

Then I went and did this....With Miss Heather and her was fun.
Then I went and made this.....
into this.....
and for NO OUT OF POCKET MONEY!!! the treadmill is at my side-you can't see it. You probably can't see the laptop that I use as my movie center while on the treadmill or on the bike but it's there!! I call it my woman cave!!

And...lastly...I've been working on this.....
which is also sideways because the computer/blog hates me. but it's an essay that a person could win $ ends Sept 13th so hurry up and get to writing...but I'll warn you you have some stiff competition in me...the $3000 would be nice but the trip to NY would be wonderful!! My cousin lives there and I could go see him...oh and take in the free Broadway show that comes with the prize package!!

Have a great week!!!


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

not even 10 weeks, finally feeling alive, a long over due letter, and then some

Realization is setting in that in about 9 weeks there is a half marathon that I'm signed up for. And if I participate in it, it will be the last one for a while. I LOVE participating in half marathons. It's pretty amazing that I can walk/jog 13.1 miles, not die AND get it done in less than 3 hours. But there is something wrong with my brain and I am just not investing the time I need to invest to properly prepare my body. I blame a little on the weather (and lack of cool breezes) and the newest addition (Frankie) who threw a wrench in there (you laugh but you try and bring a brand new puppy who wants to go out at 2am, 3am, and 5am AND train at the same time) but there have been other factors.

After countless visits over the years to doctors (who don't listen) complaining about exhaustion, flakiness, achy bones, etc and them finding "nothing wrong" other than being pre-menopausal (that they can offer no relief for other than anti depressants) I've sought other alternatives.  A few months back I did a "hand" scan that reads the "energy" levels.  They touched on a few areas (thyroid, red blood cells) that made sense due to my family medical history but offered no "real way" for "correcting" the energy other than buying their oils and such but since I have no experience with oils I wasn't willing to invest that high a cost. Thankfully the scan it self was only 15 dollars.  And did give me an idea of what areas to target and possibly find supplements for. Well last week, exactly a week ago, I went to someone else (non-doctor) who tests your blood for parasites, calcium build up, and such (for a lack of better words). Evidently my red blood cells are infested with these lil buggers (no worries, everyone has parasites, it's natural, it's just the amount in your system to worry about). Amazingly my white blood cells were fine and my blood showed a lil bit of calcium buildup (which evidently indicates your blockage starting in your arteries).  Anyhow she offered a "plan of action" that was covered in the cost of the test ($50).  It wasn't like some diet place where you have to sign up, pay a few to join AND pay for their food.  The items needed can all be bought at the local supplement isle, although she did recommend going to the health food store instead ("get what you paid for"). Since there is not a Whole foods in IL I opted for Walmart and Walgreen's for the supplements (probiotics, digestive enzymes, and amino acid) and started taking them that night. I'm already feel better. I could tell Monday/Tuesday that I was feeling better. I noticed other things being better as well but I won't gross you out. Now granted I could be feeling better because I want to feel better but it doesn't matter does it? And funny thing, I FEEL BETTER even though I have an allergy cold! So I'm going to keep with the plan....

A wrote a letter today to someone I knew 20 years ago. In the letter I apologized for stiffing him out of the electric bill money.  On one hand it seems a bit silly but on the other when you do something wrong, no matter how long ago it was, you should apologize. Besides, my mother would be happy with me now. Just before she died in 1995 she brought it to my attention that he was mad and why (I had forgotten about the bill).  Oh well, It's mailed and I feel better.  Although I do pray he doesn't try and sue me for the money (can you imagine a $40 power bill from 1990 WITH INTEREST! yikes) plus interest.  Now I am down to one person I feel I owe an apology to but I don't remember her full name. So I'll just have to do a special prayer apologizing? Please don't laugh-it might not be paid for!! ha ha ha jk

Do any of you ever feel the need to make amends for something you did 20 plus years ago? Do you think it really matters to them? Would you sue someone that owed you money and apologized 20 yrs later?

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....CAn you hear that?

Listen closely......

(bink bink bink)...

that's my forehead bouncy off my desk!!

I'm tired, grouchy, bewildered, and "so done with it." Nothing major is "wrong" just some of lifes minor inconveniences. and rather than be thankful for the great life I do have I'm thumping my head on the desk. One inconvenience is...

Plantar fasciitis which currently requires me to take prescriptions anti-inflammatory meds and wear this boot until further notice at night.
it (Plantar fasciitis) has also required me to look for a different form of exercise because the dr. advised not to run or walk as a form of exercise until further notice.
sorry...I saved this the right side up but for whatever reason the system has decided to upload it like the's a stationary bike a coworker has lent me.

I would have to say that my biggest inconvenience these past few weeks is my sad attempts to fix those "minor inconveniences". . I realized or thought to myself today that I'm worth more than the temporary fixes for those "minor inconveniences" that I've been giving myself.  All my adult life my fixes have been to either spend money I don't have on things I don't really need or to make bad food choices to heal those "minor inconveniences".  And I don't really know how to fix it. I know WHAT should be done but getting myself to do it I haven't figured out.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

11 things

I stole this from Kate at

The Rules

  • Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
  • Answer the questions the tagger has set for you.
  • Create 11 questions for the people you have tagged to answer.
  • Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
  • Go to their page and tell them.
  • No tag backs.
1. Do you find yourself creepily obsessed with anyone? I often wonder if I'm the only one who didn't outgrow the adolescent crush thing since no one else seems to talk about it.

Yes sadly, I can be creepily obsessed with old flames...not that I want to date them but I love remembering that I got the better end of the deal (or just plain made the right decision to walk away). But then again I can be creepily obsessed with any little nugget of information. You need some information found (or a person, picture) you come see me; I'll probably be able to hook you up.

2. How would you describe your style. Lazy, easy to wear, no fuss. I'm a jeans and tshirt/sweatshirt kind of gal. Occasionally I will wear wedges instead of tennis shoes or a sweater instead of a sweatshirt and maybe even some make up but that's rare.

3. If you could change professions without worrying about retraining, start up costs or similar realistic concerns-what would you do.

I'm with Kate, I'd be a writer.

4. If you could go back to the version of you that lived ten years ago what (aside from winning lottery numbers and other financial gimmicks) what would you tell yourself?

I'd tell her to lighten up that EVERYTHING will work out fine, that you don't HAVE to have a man to live to share your journey with (it's just a bonus), and stop living beyond your means. Keep only ONE credit card and keep it paid off. It's ok to spend money but you don't HAVE to spend all you earn each month. Saving a lot for a rainy day (or a last minute trip somewhere) is totally worth it.

5. Do you like your blogs funny or serious?

I like light hearted, funny, inquisitive, make you feel good, and maybe even teach you something fun. Of course, I'm not real experienced at writing that type of blog LOL

6. shower or bath?

Shower. whose got time for a bath!?

7. Boxer or briefs?

If I HAVE to choose boxers...but I learned this weekend after watching The Vow that Channing doesn't like to wear either!!

8. Word Association:

I don't understand this one LOL I guess I'm supposed to supply both rather than just one.
Birthday = liberating. I swear each year I get a lil smarter, a lil bolder, a lil less afraid of stepping outside my comfort zone.

9.  If you had to choose a Nom de Plume (pen name) other than what you might currently use on your blog or whatever, what would you choose and why.

Sully Manogue.  My moms dad used to call me Shashonia (sp+native American) because he had a touch of native American in him and said I had the most beautiful dark eyes. Well that's too much of a mouth full so when searching for something meaning dark eyes I see that the irish use the name Sully to indicate someone with dark eyes. Well my moms moms side of the family is Irish and their last name is Manogue. So, if I were ever to find a way to let the creative juices flow and write a book I would use the pen name Sully Manogue.  So remember that!! LOL

10. What conditioner do you use? I'm afraid my hair is fried, lol.

I use some kind of olive oil shampoo and conditioner. found it at Walgreen's and of course since it WORKS they dont' carry it and I have to order it from an online drug store. NOT COOL

11. Do you hate me for choosing you? *evil cackle*.

Ummm no...cuz I stole it from you!!!

11 New Things about me:

1.  I went zip lining for the first time this past weekend. SO. Much. Fun.

2.  I've created a new motivational photo.
This is so not sexy.  It shows the 20 lbs I gained back. LMAO...I look like I have an inner tube under my top!!

3. I love words free and scrabble despite continually getting my rear handed to me. It's amazing how limited my vocabulary is and the fact that I have to rely on a dictionary to come up with a larger than 4 letter word makes me cringe. BUT I"m sure once I overcome the foggy brain and fatigue I'll be coming up with some 120 point words too!

4. I was a single pug mama of two for two weeks STRAIGHT! Hubs had to go out of town for work. While the first week wasn't so bad the second week proved brutal. By Wednesday night I was ready to just shove the dogs outside and go to sleep.

5. Not sure you know this (I'm not sure I've publicly whine about this) but my dogs will NOT poop or pee in our yard. They require a walk to do their business. Sometimes I get lucky and they will only need to go a yard or two. Majority of the time though I must walk them ALL the WAY AROUND THE BLOCK for them to see their peeps and do their business.

6. I told Charter to stuff their over priced Internet up their wazoo and switched to AT&T uverse Internet. So far I can't tell the difference (other than the fact that I'm saving 35 bucks a month).

7. I've learned to embrace my curls. sorta. But I figure since I can't fight them (nothing works to permanently straighten it) I may as well learn to love them. Besides, they are kinda cute (wink).

8. I tried Almond milk for the first time and LOVE IT. I hope its as good for me as I remember others indicating!!

9. I have an appointment on Thursday with a herbalist to see what nutrients my body is lacking that would be causing fatigue, weight gain, and overall crabbiness (yes I know the dr determined I was pre menopausal but he didn't tell me about any natural ways other than "eating right" and exercising to better handle the changes). I'm a bit excited because I'd really like to get my body/mind in sync. 

10.  I'm considering taking my treadmill to Play it Again Sports. I don't use it so why not make some money from it right! I just need to find a truck to haul it there with!

11.  I've decided on my next tattoo...just have to save for it (I have a gift cert for a local artist and I'm hoping it will cover most of it)...
My grandpa drew this on an envelope to my gram back during WW2. I think it will go nicely on my arm band!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012


Ok. hmmm...not really sure where to start.

Well, the air conditioning went out on my already paid off car. It actually went out about a week before I consolidated all my loans but for whatever reason it didn't phase me. Until it came time to repair it (the over 100 degree days did me in).  The car cost us $2000 to fix. I also had to rent a car for the week so that I could get to from work (useful for someone needing to pay such a large bill).  I was already "planning" on keeping the car for another 3yrs. Now there is no if's and's or buts. 3 years longer; no sooner...4 years if I'm really fortunate! :O)

Last week, during a poor attempt to jog, I pulled something in my foot. It hurts. REALLY bad (this coming from a woman with 4 tattoos). I made an appointment today with the foot doctor. For August 1st 3 pm. Yeah, not sure I can handle the pain for that long.  Someone at work indicated that it might have something to do with planters fasciitis (which I've suspected I might have) and to get insoles for my shoes. They cost 50 bucks. Thankfully they are supposed to be reimbursable from my flexible spending account through work. As long as they are my budget won't take another hit on something not really planned.

Speaking of FSAs (flexible spending accounts which is money taken out of an employees pay check prior taxes for future health related expenditures) they will allow you to use your pre taxed funds for weight loss procedures but not for weight loss programs. I have NOTHING against gastric bypass surgery-it's a useful tool. However I don't understand why my funds can't go towards gym memberships or weight watchers .  Can anyone explain this to me?

Oh and budget. I've closed the now paid off accounts. And although I'm way over my monthly allotment this month thanks to the car (my er fund is depleted) I notice that I'm not making frivolous purchasesand I'm thinking twice about "buying off the cuff" (I'm asking myself "do you REALLY need this or are you buying it to fill a void?"). I did purchase a 99 cent app (cashtrak) for my iphone to help keep track of my purchases.  I can even take a photo of the receipts and download/email the purchases into a excel sheet to my email. Very cool. Anywho, I'm really confident I will be able to make it through the consolidation without starving AND put a lil something extra into the bank. :O) Debt free in three here I come!! woot woot...

Now if I could get back on track with eating healthy AND exercise!!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

As the dust settles...

Ok. I'm calm now. Things have settled in and most payments have been rec'd at their respective places. This coming week I will be making the calls (or sending the emails) to say "thanks for your business but it's time for me to close the account." and cutting up the cards. I can't even begin to tell you how relieved I am. I know that there will be months were funds will be tight (like next few considering I have to put $1700 into fixing my car thus depleting my "Emergency fund") and I will have to say "no" to invites out. I'm good with that because sometimes we have to make sacrifices to get to where (or what) we want. In three years I can start saving for a vacation to either Alaska, Ireland, Italy, or Hawaii.

To help with budgeting I have downloaded an i-tunes app called Cashtrak. It's a very simple app that allows you to input what you spend and on what. It also allows you to upload a photo of the receipt. There is also a spot where you can put how much your monthly budget so that you can do a running total and you can even email yourself a excel spreadsheet of the information you are inputting. 

For those of you not living in the Midwest, the weather has been incredibly hot. We hit (made) a ten day record for CONSECUTIVE days over a 100 degrees. How proud I feel to know that we have set such a wonderful record. I try and remind myself that there are worse places to be in the world to live. I keep reminding myself of the men and women overseas living in tents, utilizing port-a-potties and mobile showers (IF their lucky), thousands of miles away from home that would give their right arm to be in my shoes right now. When I remember this I ask for forgiveness for being so selfish.

I haven't mentioned this lately but I am really happy to be in my 40's. I feel as if life has REALLY started. I feel as if I finally woke up and could actually see all the possibilities available to me that I deserve to pursue. I also feel as if each year I age I forgive myself a lil more. Don't get me wrong; I don't feel like I am (or ever was) a bad person. I've just made mistakes; mistakes similar to those you or any other "average" person may have made. The biggest "mistake" I forgive myself for is not being perfect. Despite what I was grilled into my head growing up NOTHING is perfect.  Life happens. You do the best you can and move on. Sometimes you repeat a thing or two but who hasn't!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Yesterday I started a post about not having an issue being/acting/reintroducing fearlessness into my life. Long and short of it, I wrote that my issue was actually that I wasn't living life with a "can do" attitude and more specifically that I lacked motivation. True motivation, not "gettin by" by the skin of my teeth kind of motivation. I don't even think I had the energy to ask myself why. I just thought "holy shit life is passing by and I'm letting it." WTF. "Make a plan and stick to it!"

Sure I can talk a good game (ok these days I really don't talk but in my mind I talk). There is an old saying that you can't bullshit a bullshitter. And there is a time and place for bullshitting....just not when you're trying to get things done.  And by things I mean finances in order, healthy living in check, active life style, confidence pouring from my being!  "It" just isn't clicking. Or at least since this premenopause "happened" "things" just seem so out of sorts and or over whelming! I often don't feel like I have a handle on things. And I know that I often put too much pressure on myself but I'm a "type a" person and I HAVE to be in control. I just have to (yes I know this isn't a realistic out look but that's how I get).

So I woke up this morning. Post not posted; words still lingering. That "I've got to do something to improve my situation right now!" And I did. I think.  I jumped both feet in. I did something that Dave Ramsey would probably not approve of.  Instead of several payments I will have just one. I contacted the bank and applied for a three year loan to cover all my credit card debts. I was doing "ok" paying small bills off, closing the card and moving on to the next. But I often felt as if I would never get to "the money in the bank for a rainy day (which would lead to spending)" feeling.  And I wasn't always holding myself accountable and still basically living beyond my means. I don't want to live like that I deserve better.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I'm so scared I could shit a brick; literally; all joking aside. I'm shitting because I had a few options for paying back the loan and I took three years and not the four years which would have been a hundred dollars less a month.  BUT I have to make this work. I've not left myself any options (signed, sealed delivered thanks to technology). I left myself with just enough "left over" (after my portion of the mortgage/utilities and loan) for gas and neccessity groceries and a small "entertainment" fund if I so choose. Thankfully I have a husband that I can say "we need yada yada yada from the grocery store" and he will happily retrieve (What's a good dollar amount set aside for groceries (two people)?). I am worried about savings BUT if I don't spend my "allowance" (by the way, what is a good $ amount for an allowance) I can sock that aside.  thankfully I should be getting a raise in Oct but even if I don't I'll be ok paying back and in three years I will be debt free.  I do hope though that I can get a part time know...just in case I f'd myself by moving so fast. I mean surely I left myself enough, I'm not that stupid am I? I mean really, I have EVERYTHING I need and I SHOULD put the majority of my funds towards paying off my debt so that now "I can live like no other so that later I can live like no other." I'll just have to think before I buy. Which is what I should have been doing to begin with.  I also maybe should have tracked my spending a lil better so that I could verify that I was keeping enough back before checking the box stating I know this is a binding contract. I'm sure I did. Family just won't get anything extravigant for Christmas...if they get anything at all!!!

Monday, June 18, 2012

I'm not destined to...

always be the fat girl.

always be the one who listens to every one's woes but eats to keep hers under wraps.

always be the one who puts others needs first dismissing hers to avoid conflict.

always be the one who settles because "I just don't deserve it".

always be the one who is "the back up plan".

I AM destined to...

be the Beautiful girl, with an easy smile who is easy to talk to.

be the Intelligent girl who knows just what to say and when to say it.

be the Thoughtful girl who knows balance.

be the Clever girl whose ideas are bountiful and that helps everyone reap some benefit.

be the Healthy girl, the one who lives a happy, active life!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Be fearless: author unknown

'You overcome fear not by avoiding it, but by facing it. The more you face it the more fearless you become.' author unknown. Every day each and every one of us faces some kind of fear. Each and every day everyone of us overcomes that fear; sometimes without us realizing it. That's life. That's just how it is. We HAVE NO choice but TO face our fears because there is no one else there to do it for us. Xoxo Tori

Saturday, June 9, 2012

found my mojo

Completed my very 1st 10k. LOVED IT. just the right amount of miles (although I will continue to do half marathons). I was truckin along pretty good, playin cat and mouse with a few folks....then one of them started talking (said "sure every time I catch up you take off) and of course gave me the perfect excuse to stop trying to jog.  Ian is from the Alton area and was wonderful to hang with. He told me about some of his past running events (one of which was a 10k in Champaign, the same day I was doing my half there). Any way...we got to talking about tri's and I think I'm gonna take the plung. There's one coming up in August in Alton. My one "hesitation" is the swimming part. I do NOT own a swimsuit. I loathe swimsuits.

Anyhow...I think I found my mojo and I'm ready to commit to proper training. and I'm excited to feel good again!! woohooo

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Group Project-"Be Fearless" Jonathan Alpert

For those of you who are like me and tend to live closer to the "living in fear" side of the street I encourage you to work through this with me. I'm saddened that I've let myself live this way for so long but better late than never when it comes to rediscovering and embracing my fearlessness.

Step 1-Define your dream life.  Create a "Dream List". On it write everything YOU would do if YOU wouldn't feel limited by fear.

So far on my list:
  1. run
  2. sing
  3. laugh openly
  4. smile
  5. teach in a classroom
  6. act
  7. own a cafe/coffee shop
  8. wear more feminine clothing (including make up and wedges/heels)
  9. freelance writer
I also wanted to put move to the east coast but that really isn't realistic considering my current marital status.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Living the Healthy Life

I often joke that it's more expensive to live/lead a healthy life then it is to be lazy 
and get fat

but I guess the joke is on me cuz I got to thinking that it might be just as expensive being lazy and getting fat

if not more so

But truth be told I'm having more fun attempting a healthy life

I've met people I would never would have otherwise met

I have done things I never thought I would do (half marathons!!)

I've tried new recipes

So it'll be alright, the pocket book that is

because either way you look at things

"a life" was gonna cost me

and I'd rather not pay with my life.

Friday, May 18, 2012

And the dress saga continues...

As you know the bridesmaid dress I need to wear for a July 7th wedding will not zip up. I panicked momentarily but calmed myself with the fact that I did have just under two months to fit into it comfortably and surely I could do it.  By diet and exercise, or, if all else fails by letting the dress out a few.  Because surely it can be let out...all OTHER bridesmaids dresses have a lil fabric left over for the option of letting them out. NOT this dress. I checked it out this morning due to pure curiosity and so glad I did. There is NO extra fabric (therefore no other option but to lose weight); what you see is what you get. Thank heavens letting out the dress wasn't my first choice of  to begin with!

As I also mentioned before I have a friend who promotes AdvoCare products. She sent me some samples of the Spark Energy Drink and I LOVE it! No unnatural energy spike, just a nice easy "be bopp" feeling. Loved it so much that I now buy it on a regular basis (it doesn't kill my intestinal system like 5hr energy seems to). Prior to the dress not zipping she had approached me about trying a few other products that may assist with some womanly issues (you know the premenopausal ones: stubborn weight,  moodiness, energy) and I said "ah, I think about it"...because I won't lie; AdvoCare products are NOT cheap.  And not that one should "skimp on their health" one often wonders if they must auction off their first born just to get the "best products"!

So when the dress didn't zip I went to her for some "off the record" advice (because neither she or I are doctors) on products and made my selection for what fit my needs (and budget).  The three products are:
MNS® Max 3 Kit

Now, I've not rec'd the Catalyst or the Carb-Ease but I have rec'd the MSN Max 3 Kit (follow the link for specific details regarding what the product does) and I'm feeling pretty confident that I went to the right place for help.  It's a 14 day kit (vitamins, supplements, energy drinks, meal replacement shakes) and VERY easy to follow.  I started using/taking the kit Tuesday morning and by Thursday midday I could notice a difference in energy as well as appetite. This morning I even realized that my body itself did not feel near as drained as normal (my bones aren't feeling achy) and that walking the dogs at 530 am this morning wasn't so painful. With the meal shake I've added fruit to "add more substance" and notice that it drinking it at 8am it's not until after 11 that I'm hungry (for me that's good).  I start drinking the energy drink about 830 and nurse it until lunch. Both those products you just add water to. Now with it only being four days into the kit I can't say yeah or nay to whether it works for weight loss or not BUT for appetite control and energy so far so good.  And can't wait to add the other two supplements! And of course add in more activities!!  I've got two 10ks coming up in the next four weeks!! woohoo!!!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Oh shit.

In just shy of 2 months I will be doning a bridesmaid dress at a friends wedding. The dress came in the size requested, the size that best fit at time of "choosing dresses" but no longer zips up. I look like a lil sausage roll. I quickly realized that I had tried dresses on just prior to gaining 20lbs.


Thank heavens I know NOW that there is a problem. I can do this. I can resolve this issue. And no it isn't by purchasing a new dress (cuz it's a special order dress that took 3 months to get).....

Monday, May 7, 2012

Getting ready for the weeks ahead

It's amazing how quickly the weekends fly by. Why can't we have 3day weekends more often? The next few weeks are going to fly by too I am sure... Boss out of town this week, jury duty the next, and then hubs out of town after that. I also have a 6 k coming up on the 28th and start training for my next half marathon soon after. Fun stuff I tell ya!

I did a 5k this past weekend. It was hot as molasses at 830 am even.  The black top was NOT forgiving and it was easy to talk my pal into NOT doing any more 5ks until the late fall. Of course I forgot that I ALREADY signed up for the Route 66 10k (June 9th) AND Defiance MO 6k (May 28th).

Shameless plug alert?  A friend of mine sells AdvoCare products and has asked me to test of few of the supplements/products out for her and report back. I've used their Spark Energy Drink (grape flavor and the cherry-which is my fave) and LOVE the "pep in my step" that it gives me with out the "crash and burn" that some other products have done. I've used the 5-hour energy before but I have to be careful about drinking too many in too short of a time frame (ie can't use them everyday) because it really messes with my system. the AdvoCare Spark Energy Drink doesn't do this to me...not that I have it EVERY day but I can if I really want to. Of course the products seem a lil steep in price and that's why I've not tried more products. I can't see paying for something that costs more. Then again, how many times have I bought something cheap and not used it??  So anyhow, the next supplement I am going to try is Carb-ease (Helps inhibit the breakdown and absorption of carbohydrates).  I seem to have picked up a passion for carbs that I didn't realize I had. And it hasn't been easy curbing it. Maybe Carb-Ease will help...We'll see. I'd also like to try the Rehydrate Gel...the price is comparable to the G-U gels that I haven't bought but managed to get free. With the summer heat upon us and SERIOUSLY training for my next half marathon (time to beat is 2 hrs 30 mins) I will need to stock up on hydration products...Also, if you all have suggestions for products feel free to let me know. Knowledge is power.

if by chance you have heard of Advo Care and need some products, her link is above as one of my page tabs. If you have not used the products before but are interested in learning about them feel free to contact her via the page link or email me and I will see about getting information for you. I plan on putting my opinion on any products I use on the page tab as an "FYI" not as a "I am a trained professional you must believe me"....I just feel like if a product works and is worth the cost others should have the opportunity to know about them from someone they trust (or might trust?). :O)

have a great week!!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


It was actually a great weekend for walking/trotting/running. Rumors of rain and storms filled the twitter, facebook, and news screens. I wasn’t as scared of the rain as I was of them canceling the runs. I’d already had a run cancelled due to weather (Go STL 5k April 14, 2012) and I wasn’t looking forward to having another one (or two) canceled. But alas, the rain held off (as did the hit-nice and chilly for the runs) and I was able to complete the I-Challenge (5k and Half Marathon) as planned to collect my 3 medals.
To say that I have been training diligently for these two races would be a fib. Doubt and negative self-confidence have plagued me since November 2011. I’ve “trained” but not as enthusiastically as last year. I couldn’t seem to shake “this feeling” that has no name. And although I improved my half marathon time by 15 minutes, I still fell short (by 25 minutes) of finishing in my 2 hour and 30 minute goal that I had set last summer.
But it’s crazy--I’m not sad or disappointed about falling short because at least I improved. Matter of fact I’m pretty proud of myself. I didn’t give up. I kept reaching (monitoring my watch to see when I might finish) and even when I realized that “it isn’t gonna happen” I still kept pushing.
My mantra for this half marathon turned out to be “JUST HAVE FUN” (instead of "keep the faith"). And I did…I had fun. I chatted with folks, made goofy faces at the camera man, and when I would "falter"; remind myself to just have fun. Such a simple statement but yet so enriching. I often forget to have fun (yes I said forget); I'm often so worried about others. Which is why I love half marathons. It's all about ME. that time on the course is mine and no one else's.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I Challenge 2012 D.O.N.E

5K-38 min 52 secs (no improvement)

1/2 marathon 2 hrs 55 mins (15 min improvement from last year/half)

woot woot....I'm DUN and in pain! More later!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

T minus 3

In three days I will be participating in a 5k. In four days I will be participating in a half marathon. In two days it's supposed to start raining and not stop for four days. Yes, that means it is scheduled to rain the ENTIRE weekend. I'm not sure how many of you have wogged (walked jogged) in the rain but I have only done it a handful of times, NEVER as a scheduled "I paid for this" kind of race. To say that I'm NOT excited could be an understatement. I have problems woggin in the rain (hell it might even keep me cooled off!) but if the cancel the race (like last weekends 5k race got canceled) I could get VERY upset. Despite feeling incredibly unsure of whether I am properly prepared or not, I've been looking forward to this event. ALL YEAR LONG. Please don't rain on my parade! or at least please don't rain so hard (with lightening included) that they cancel the dang thing!!

Sunday, April 22, 2012


Not sure who John Maxwell is but he says “Discipline develops daily, not in a day.”

Monday, April 16, 2012


I really have no words to properly describe how I feel, what's been going on, and where things are going (to hell in a hand basket most days!!). I am alive, I'm still moving (as in exercising), and I'm still hopeful that I won't whack anyone. But I really can't make any guarantees. I mean really...It wasn't MY idea to give women ALL of the opportunities for hormonal imbalances! No offense to all you Moms but I'm glad I missed the roller coaster of emotions invovled with being pregnant. I understand that it's all worth it in the end but I'm not sure I could of handled it. I've always been a bit "emotional" but I'm about postal with this pre-menapause shit. I can handle the heat waves, the slower to take the weight off, but the bouts of tears are over the top (even for a sap like me). And oh how I can't wait for the full on deal! YES! Only thing I am thankful for right now is that I know what's going on and can SOMETIMES control what comes out of my mouth!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Caution, Hills ahead (and maybe some curse words?)

Ok...had a GREAT post started (in my head) yesterday. Included a few choice words (some of which were "obscene"). But I vaguely remember it. Should have written it down. Damn it's a bitch gettin old(er)!

I do know that I am not crazy nor am I going crazy. It's been documented by a real doctor, which of course I find amusing.  But at least I now have an idea of what the hell is going on with my body and that's always nice. Which reminds me that if any of you are pre-menopausal please me-I gots me some questions to ask.  It's been a bit of a roller coaster, and I'm dealing well, but I could use some advice.

I ran (mostly walked) the Track n Treads 5k yesterday here in edwardsville.  It was a great course (went through the woods) and I had the opportunity to meet up (and chat with for a second) with another blogger Kate. If you haven't visited her blog you should check her out. She's a great inspiration, funny, and not crazy either (although we teased that she was by doing a 28 hr race; the LBL?). Anyhow, two pals came along for the jaunt. None of us had a CLUE about the course and were overwhelmingly surprised by what we went through.  About a mile of it was on sidewalks, the rest went through the woods. It was hilly, thin trail, and a challenge.  We are used to road 5ks. For me, Once I was able to shut my brain off, I was reminded of years past and long forgotten. I was able to remember how much fun I had running the streets, out to the creek not far from home.  It's safe to say that we all fared well and are willing to do it again.  My one friend even managed to come in 2nd for his age group.

The beginning of the run is always hard for me. I am MUCH slower than my friends. They can do their first mile in 7 mins; it takes me 10ish. I'm still amazed that I can do a mile in 10 mins. Anyhow, I'm much slower and cannot yet continue to run an entire 5k. By a 1/4 to 1/2 mile in I'm encouraging my friends to "go ahead" because I just CANNOT keep their pace. I can understand not being able to keep up with D (he's taller and has a bigger stride) but H is my height!! I feel like such a loser. My legs lately often feel like I've got cinder blocks as thighs.  A mile or so into Saturdays race I had managed to convince myself that I didn't need to be doing anymore races, that obviously my head isn't in it because I was not getting any better. Races aren't for walkers; they're for competitors.  I'm not a competitor; I just want to finish and to do a lil better than the last race. I mentioned this to H over lunch. she said I was being silly. She might be right. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I love participating in 5k's and half marathons but those things are for runners (or so I've heard) and I haven't been able to get my head on right so that I can continue to run (rather than run/walk). I keep finding barriers. Some of which are mind made....

Monday, March 26, 2012

Have you all noticed...

just how quickly this year is flying??!  OMG!! Much faster than I remember LAST year!
Not much going on around here...trying to prepare for my 1/2 marathon end of April. I've been sticking to my 1 5k a month for the year (see races) but I've noticed I'm not "really" improving. I'm pretty sure I am experiencing the following: uncertainty and fear. Not really sure what the uncertainty is about (I KNOW I can "do it" (run in case you aint' on the same page); I know I WANT to "do it") or the fear for that matter. Some of the fear is of getting hurt. No offense but I ain't no spring chicken!! But let's be honest, both of those are pretty much excuses. I know how to work out and work on running; I know how to do wisely (I am after all NOT a spring chicken!). Which brings me to a thought I had late last week:

It really is ALL about mind of matter...cuz if you don't mind, it really don't matter! MAKE IT (whatever your it is) MATTER!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Back on the wagon again...

I've been struggling with food since last September. In November I stopped tracking my food all together. February I quit WW's eTools since I wasn't even tracking. I knew there was a problem (well duh-my pants are tighter!) but I figured I was back on the wagon when I started exercising again Jan 1st so the weight I gained back will drop back off.  But while having a chat with myself self said "technically you are not "back on the wagon" if you're holding on to the edge with a skateboard under your feet hoping to coast along!" The analogy my not make sense to you but it makes perfect sense to me. I've been playin around, tinkering with exercise, watching food go from the plate to my mouth but not holding myself accountable (input vs output). the only way I can hold myself accountable is if I see it in writing.  Nothing like a reality check right!

SO I rejoined ww (the whole kabang meetings and all); signed up for more 5k's; and will be looking into the local running club!

gotta go it's storming...and the lights are about to go out!! LOL

Sunday, March 11, 2012

No such thing as Leave it to Beaver...

Many years ago I had an family was not and would NEVER be like Leave it to Beaver. My father was always angry, mom always passive (and step mom too), brother always trying to win my fathers love (but irritating my father instead) and me wishing I could just blend into the scenery. So much DRAMA! Such an unhealthy environment at times. Still can be when I let it. But I choose to keep my distance so that I can work on being a healthy well balanced individual. Some days are better than others. The perfect day eludes me but that's ok; I'm not givin up.

Recently though, I had another epiphany.  My life is NOT a made for Hollywood story where I battle a demon (or two) (and win against them of course!), where I save someone else along the way (becoming a hero), and go on to live the perfect life. With a hunky hot stud who loves me for me (and all my quirkiness) and has tons of money to spend. No matter how hard I've tried, I just can't obtain perfect. There is always going to be "something" that causes discomfort in in my life. So why have I been "sweatin" it?

Monday, March 5, 2012

Better late than never! Virtual 5k and life

As most of you know, I hosted a virtual 5k fun run/walk last month. It was a smashing success in my eyes and I look forward to hosting another one! These virtual races give my pocket book a break while keeping me motivated and accountable. It also allows me to run with bloggy friends I never would have run with otherwise! Quite entertaining and NEVER a dull moment. This 5k wasn’t just a 5k though…participants could do WHATEVER they wanted movement wise for HOWEVER long they wanted. If they wanted to do a 5k they did a 5k. If they wanted to play Frisbee with the kids, they played with the kids. “Kudos” goes out to the following participants (with links to their blogs (or blog post regarding their 5k)-check em out) for helping to make this event a success: Marlene (Mom to the Fourth) Deb (Weight loss and God Whispers); Suzanne (Cows and Everything in Between); Joy (Nuggets of Truth) ; Karen (Life with Karen); and Holly (300 pounds down)
In other news, I’ve started taking vitamins again and kicked it into motivation gear for upcoming running events. I have 52 days until my half marathon. Nuff said right! The vitamins seem to have “made it into” myself because I feel a lil more energetic and my bones aren’t so achy. I’ve also done “extracurricular” activities (movement above my normal day to day walking the dogs) three days in a row (walk 4.02 Sat; walk jog 5.43 Sun; Cycled 7.1 today). I have “official” 5ks scheduled for March 24 and April 14th. I’m feeling confident about it “all” because I’m switching things up to loosen and strength my legs and lungs.  Now to stop filling my pie hole with crap! Thankfully we are almost out of cookies at home (and I did NOT buy any girl scout cookies).

Have a great week everyone! By the way..does anyone have any experience with peri/pre menapause? Any herbal remedies? suggestions?

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

No more excuses, Livin off the bucket list...

Just like on this "season's" Biggest Loser, NO MORE EXCUSE's! If I want to do something, I'm gonna make it happen. Just like a weekend away from home. Involving fast cars and hotels and no dogs. So I went. This last weekend. Of course I'd been planning the trip since the first of the year so technically it wasn't "off the cuff" but I went none the less. I had wavered about going because the hubs isn't big on travel and wouldn't be accompanying me. But I really wanted to go; my girlfriend from VA was going and so was her mom. Can you say "girls weekend"? Can you guess where I went? Here's a clue...

It was frickin awesome. It was also filled with chaos (Rain delay that caused me to have to rebook my flight and to stay up 30 hrs) but worth every moment and dime.  Which brings me to my post title "No more excuses, Livin off the bucket list". I've always wanted to go to a nascar race. Even tried once before but one reason after another and I didn't go. And believe it or not I've always wanted to stay in an airport "after hours" waiting for the gates to open (I think it's the writer in me).  But in the past when an opportunity was presented I made excuse after excuse as to why I couldn't do it (often the excuses invovled money or "what would others think" or I'm too weak).

But not this time.  Even when I was worried about the hubs I arouse to the opportunity. I just can't continue to live in fear, regret, what ifs, and I wish I had.  Been there done that. And the hubs understands this. And LOL he doesn't want to be the "it's all your fault" scape goat.  Of course he's an understanding guy who trusts me and has never attempted to hold me back (or down) when it comes to spreading my wings. Matter of fact he has said a time or two "why don't can do it."

And I think thats what's helping me leave fear behind. It's nice. now if I could leave the last 30 pounds behind! :O)

Have a great rest of the week. I'm going to work on the results post for the virtual 5k and hope to have it up tomorrow but it will probably be Friday. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I did it I did it

Did my virtual 5k run (detailed post to come next week when everyone has completed)...and I finished in
Go me!!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

And life goes on....

Short post this week...not much going on...ok well kind of a lot but not all is "Fantastic".  The last couple of weeks have felt like "Ground Hogs Day" with Bill Murray; me as Bill Murray's part. I'm thankful that I go on vacation next week. With the girls. My first vacation since 2006. My first with out my hubs since 1999. Long over due. Before my vacation can start though I have to go for a "Diagnostic Mammogram, Ultra Sound, and Magnification view" of my left breast. Yeah, I said breast. Today I had my yearly "fun exam", with a new doctor. My last doctor I never saw, only her nurse practionare (sp?), who never did a very extensive exam nor really had time to do an "ask and tell" session. Oh wait, once she did and wanted to prescribe antidepressants.  Hence a new doctor.  And this one ACTUALLY listened to me and did a full exam. Obviously a full exam if he felt a lump. A lump I felt too. So we will see. It's weird. I've not been feeling "AWESOME" to the tenth power lately but today I feel at peace.

OK...on to perkier things.  Don't forget, if you interested there is still time to join us in the Tori's Febtastic 1st Annual Virtual 5k Fun Run/Walk just follow the link and leave me a note.  I'm super stoked...this weekend is supposed to be "to die for" (not literally) weather wise so I'm hittin the trails and smoke checkin my last 5k time. I'm aiming for 37 mins. Have a great rest of the week and wonderful weekend!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Tori's Febtastic 1st Annual Virtual 5k Fun Run/Walk

In honor of February and my attempt to run/jog/walk one 5k a month I present to you

Tori's Febtastic 1st Annual Virtual 5k fun Run/Walk

because I couldn't find a 5k in the area I wanted to do (nor did I have the funds to really do an organized sponsored one anyhow).  But just because I'm trying to do one 5k a month doesn't mean that this is strickly a 5k....cuz it isn't.  Here are the rules/guidelines:

1) Between February 12th and February 29th take one day and call it "Febtastic 1st Annual Virtual fun Run/Walk".  There is no minimum amount to run/walk...just do something and make it fun! (oh and make sure to comment here or email me what you plan to do).

2) You don't HAVE to take a photo (although if you do I'd love to see it) of your watch/pedometer/treadmill to verify your time and distance BUT you do have to brag about it by giving it a post of its own on your blog.

3) email me when you are finished.

That's it...pretty simple...hopefully not to simple though. On or after March 1st I will do a post with everyone's results and hand out awards.... :O)

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Virtual 5k in February?

Are there any virtual 5ks during February that I missed seeing? if no do any of you want to do a virtual 5k with me? I'm a weenie and don't want to do a 5k by myself....

Monday, February 6, 2012

It's not good to want to be someone else but

it's ok to "aspire" to look like someone else right? I'm not talking about their "exact size" (because I would look like a skelton if I were smaller than a size 8) or their smashing good looks (cuz hey, I ain't hard to look at when I put my face on!) but the confidence and sexiness they exude to the public.  Case in point....

Katherine Heigl and her most recent role...

One for the Money

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Back to the living...

Been sick (cold flu) for the last two was the first day I really felt "alive". I'm glad it's pretty much over (being sick) because I've got to get my ass in gear! One of the gals in my building asked me about running a few months back (she did the New Years Day run with me) and was actually serious about running! You know how it goes, people say that they are interested in something when they really aren't and it shows in their actions. Well she keeps saying let's do it again AND got some new running shoes!
And now....we've signed up for two more races. I told her how I wanted to do one 5k a month and two 1/2 marathons this and my big mouth!! :O) Actually, I'm loving it! Also, two of my neighbors have shown an interest in walking even comes with me to walk the dogs (the long mile).

woot woot...Life feels good doesn't it!? finding inspiration from the darnedest places....

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Ten Things Thankful Thursday

Ten Things I am thankful for this Thursday....

1)  I am thankful for the country I live in...I get choices....and have rights...I don't have to hide...

2) I am thankful for who I have wasn't easy.

3)  I am thankful I survived....there was a time I wasn't sure I would or if I even wanted to.

4) I am thankful for turning 40....not giving a shit about someone ELSE's perception of how me and my life should be is getting a LOT easier!

5)  I am thankful for my husband. Amazing guy. Poor schmuck.

6)  I am thankful for comedies...laughing is more fun than crying and helps keep you looking young.

7)  I am thankful for my puppies...endless kisses.

8)  I am thankful for this mild winter...two of our floor board heaters went out two weeks  ago...the new ones won't be here until Feb 1st.

9) I am thankful for losing 50lbs...I feel so alive.

10)  I am thankful for the fact that I got my mother for 25 years of my life. Some folks don't get that luxury.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Learning to count my blessings....

I realized this morning that I worry too much about what I THINK I don't have.

Time to focus on what I do KNOW I have...and that is a loving husband, good health, friends and family who love and care for me and endless possibilities for the future!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

January 3in30 Challenge

Question of the Week:

With two weeks of the January 3in30 Challenge under our belts, it's time to stop and evaluate our goals for this month.
Have you bitten off too big a bite? Are you off track and need a kick-in-the-pants to get with it? Has LIFE gotten in the way of what you wanted to get accomplished?
Share the challenges you've faced so far this month, and tell us how you're overcoming them or adjusting your goals to fit your life.
  1. Drink 60oz of water or more.
  2. Run/walk/jog 20 miles in January.
  3. Clean my car weekly.
I’m actually finishing up my first week of 3in30 and I’d say I’m doing “alright” with the goals. Not overwhelmed but there is room for improvement. And I certainly didn’t bite off more than I can chew…I mean really-look how easy those “goals” are!

The drinking 60oz of water is actually proving to be the easiest of the goals with the cleaning my car the hardest. I did manage to clear out the empty wrappers and bottles and wash the outside; just haven’t dusted it out or wipe it with cleany thingies.

I can’t really say that I’ve faced any “challenges” this month/week with my goals; I’m just simply learning to adjust so that I can better succeed. For example, I’m a bit lazy when it comes to moving (Run/walk/jog goal). So to get myself moving I con my neighbors into accompanying me on my “jaunts”. Sunday I got the neighbor down the streets to go walk on the trails with me by calling and waking her up (it was 10am) so that her mouth would say one thing (yes) while the brain said something else (WTF). I’ve also been encouraging myself to shut up and just walk the dogs. The weather has been FABULOUS for January and the pups love to be outside. Why not take them around the “big block” which is a mile and kill 3 birds with one stone (they get to walk outside, I get exercise, and they fall asleep shortly after getting home allowing me to “chill” on the couch)? For January I have already completed 11 of the 20 miles I have designated. AWESOME!

By the way…I will NO LONGER allow life to get in my way of what I want to accomplish. Just like the theme for Biggest Loser this season-NO MORE EXCUSES!

What have you done to work towards your 2012 goals?

Monday, January 9, 2012

I want this....

A Motorola PHOTON™ 4G

or I could probably handle this one...
HTC EVO Design 4G™

or...maybe this...
Samsung Conquer™ 4G
But I don't know...I really only use my phone to text, email, internet, and sometimes talk. And if I "upgrade" to one of these phones I have to "upgrade" my plan (which would be at least 25 more bucks) and I don't know if it's worth it. Of course if I upgrade to one of these phones I could also get the mobile hotspot turned on in teh phone so that I can get rid of Chater internet?

Saturday, January 7, 2012

3in30 January 2012

3in30 I'm In!!
I saw this challenge on Life with Karen's blog and I thought it was a great idea. I don't make New Year's Resolutions (I just write up a list of goals I'd like to put more focus on for the year) because I get overwhelmed with the word "resolutions".  I do like "challenges" though and am always game for something to help keep me on the "Journey to a New Me"!

3 in 30 involves three smaller goals and 30 days to work on them into your life.  This challenge also gives the chance to start again fresh if need be (I do tend to get sidetracked easily) in a relatively short time.

I've already started on one of the items but the other two I will be starting a week behind. I'm not worried about it though because it's all good! :O)

1)  ran/jog/walk 20 miles during the month of January. I committed myself to a challenge Tara Costa from Biggest Loser proposed on Facebook (see previous post) for January and February and may need all the help I can so I'm posting it to this challenge as well. I'm not the quickest to be motivated. I need to prepare for a 1/2 marathon upcoming up. 20 miles is not too much to ask and  a great start!

2) Drink 60 oz's of water daily. I've been terrible about my water intake and I'm sure I've been walking around dehydrated. Being hydrated not only helps to keep my head aches away but also help with my weight loss.

3) Clean my car weekly. It's embarrassing how dirty that thing is.  You'd think I LIVED in there! :O)

Friday, January 6, 2012

Do you use a cell phone to post, read, and reply?

Just a quick question...Do any of you use your cell phone to read/respond to posts? How about posting in general?  Do you like it? Pros/Cons?


Sunday, January 1, 2012

Amazing way to start the year!

Happy New Year Everyone! I've missed you all dearly this last week and some change but I've not had anything fun to say. But today, TODAY that is all different. I got a shit-ton to say so pull up a chair (BTW-I've had 6 cups o coffee today; 4 in the last 5 hrs. this for a 2 cup o day gal!).

First things first. I started this new year running. Yes running. I participated in a local running "club" "Snowball Series" 5k. For a gal who hasn't "ran" since April-I did real good. a) I finished without collapsing on the pavement b) I did it in 41 minutes.

2ndly-I signed up for a "challenge" on facebook introduced to me by Tara Costa; a former biggest loser contestant and probably one of my fave contestants. The challenge was/is for however many "likes" my honor post got I had to run that many miles in Jan and Feb in honor of that like. Kind of funny; kind of sad. Out of 135 on my facebook page only 20 liked my post. (so far) :O( so instead of divvying them out between the two months I will do 20 miles each month. Hee hee that means for Jan I only have 17 more miles to do!!

Ok, now down to business. Reflecting on 2011. I didn't write out any goals for 2011 last January (or Dec 2010 for that matter) and only had one "mental goal"  for the year and that was to improve on myself. And I succeeded.  It was a really good year for me regarding self improvement. Besides, by not writing out any new year goals I didn't have much to live up to ha ha ha ha. Ha. Anyhow I managed to lose 30 lbs, improve finish times on all the races I participated in, stop smoking, and put me first more often then caving to anothers wishes. I also feel that I am stronger emotionally and have gained more self confidence.

For the future. Back in September I started reflecting on the year to come. I took into consideration what I had wanted from the last year (Improvement on myself) and on whether or not I wanted to keep the the focus for the year to come. But the reality of it is; you (me) can't STOP working on last year because it's a new year. But you (me) also can't keep just THAT as the main focus. So, for 2012 the focus is not only on me (and improving on myself) but focus will also be put on my financial situation. I sound stupid don't I. I think I need to be more specific. So here goes, the goals I chose between Sept and Nov 2011 for all of 2012 (I'm trying to get back on the Jan to Dec year rather than Oct to Sept).

Goals/things to do between Jan 2012 and Dec 2012:
  • Save $1000 for an emergency fund
  • Join Planet Fitness to run during lunch (mark this one done-they had deal that if you paid for yr up front b4 12/31 it was only $99 for the entire yr)
  • Read 2 books a month
  • pay off 50% of my debt (which includes student loans but not mortgage)
  • participate in 12 5k's (virtual counts) and 2 1/2 marathons (completed 1st 5k today-11 more to go)
  • attend an estate sale
  • obtain part-time employment
  • lose the last 30lbs
Ha ha...Nothing too strenuous.... It's going to be another great year...

p.s. does anyone know how to put "tabs" on your blog so that I can put more things up on my blog?