Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Easy to side track

I’ve been meaning to post for a few days but got side tracked, which isn’t surprising these days! Even though my brain never stops, always thinking about something, this often allows for easy side tracking!

I’ve been pretty lazy these days (days since the ½ marathon) with exercising...doing the bare minimum really. I’d say I feel bad for this but don’t (because at least I've been walking). During this break from preparing for my 1st 1/2 marathon, I’ve been focusing on my mindset and gathering the proper tools to move from walking to running. I do know I’m holding back (on running) but I’m not really sure why (although my attempt at running this afternoon tells my bad self why-my lungs burn!!). I REALLY want to do it (running). And I can do it (at a very slow pace). I want to be like Forrest in Forrest Gump. I want to run to clear my mind because let me tell you; the brain never stops issues is very tiring and It would really be nice if it would just SHUT UP now and then!!!

What’s on my brain you ask??? Everything and anything. Sometimes it’s doing a continuous to-do list; sometimes it’s “what can I do to be a better person”; sometimes it’s continuous reassurance that I AM ok, I AM doing fine, and it's all 'them'; sometimes though, there is just a lot of static. I really hate static days. “you’re too fat” “please, no one really cares what you think, how you feel blah blah blah "they’d never miss you if you left.” These static days really affect how and what I do in regards to eating and exercise (big surprise right!!) as well as how I interact with others (via email, phone, or in person).

To combat these static days I have turned to hypnosis/subliminal/meditational recordings right before bed. One of the recordings was designed to encourage peoples subconcious mind to love exerising, to encourage healthier eating, and tell listeners that yes, they CAN do it. The other recording is basically one big "ata girl"; you can do anything you put your mind to do, the only thing stopping you is you, and YOU CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS. Whether they work for everyone or not I don't know but I do know that they make me feel better. I sleep like a baby and wake up in a very nice mood!

Before I close this post I would like to provide a link to a really thought provoking article about weight loss and the changes one expects from losing weight. I can relate to this article because years ago I would lose weight (or attempt to lose weight) in hopes of solving "issues" in my life (lack of boyfriend, lack of single life, lack of....) that I felt would be solved if I would "just lose the extra weight". What's different about this time around is that it isn't all aobut losing weight (losing weight is really just a bonus point of my journey); it's about changing my brain so that I can live a happier, healthier, more active life. I want my body to go as fast and as long as my brain goes!!!

Why are you trying to change your life?


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

So far so good...Great way to start the week!!

Have a told you lately how happy I am that I started this journey!! Have I told you lately how amazing I feel emotionally? Well, I am happy and feel amazing...even though it's allergy season LOL (laughing out loud)!

I worked very hard all weekend outside; at my house and at the front enterance to our subdivision. I pulled weeds, mowed the lawn, trimmed bushes, collected all the clippings and leaves. There was a lot of bending over (toe touches), squats (to pick things up), and I"m sure you get the picture. I burned a lot of calories (IMO) and it was very theraputic...turned my frown upside down if ya know what I mean!

On Monday I got into work and found that I had finally gotten a gym locker!! WAy cool!! I can store all of my gym stuff at work aleviating (sp?) me 'forgetting' a change of clothes. Also after getting to work I found out that I had won my very own Inperspire Towel "I Run Because I Can"! Thanks Jaime at http://runningdivamom.blogspot.com and Inperspire; I really appreciate it; somedays motivation is hard to come by. Jaime has a fabulous blog if your looking for a great read with lots of inspiration.

Last night as I chased lil man (my pug) around the back yard I slipped and sprained my foot. it isn't bad but kept me from running. Thankfully I am still able to walk and have gotten in 3 miles today.

Today at work was another wonderful day...besides being incredibly busy, I rec'd my finish photo from the 1/2 marathon. Boy do I look HOT...hee and in more ways than one! I'm thinking of blowing it up (my side anyhow) because I feel it will be great motivation for the days that I feel like I just can't do it. Such great form from what I can tell.

Sherrie is on the left (in the grey shirt) and I am on the right (purple shirt). We both look incredible and felt incredible when we were done. I hope to carry that "feeling" for as long as I can and then some.

Before closing; I'd like to thank all of you...those who just read; those who are nice enough to leave a comment; those who share their journeys on their blogs. It's people like you that keep people like me on target. It's people like you who help teach me the ins and outs of changing my lifestyle for the good, the ins/outs of learning to run, and learning that through lifes downs there is always an up.

Tomorrow promises to be another great day. After my gang takes me to lunch for being such a great assistant (little do they know that my greatness comes from their greatness-they are such an amazing team), I'm going to a place called Fleet Feet for a new pair of running shoes. A gal from work gave me some of her reward dollars ($45 worth) to help off set the cost and they (Fleet Feet) will help me determine which shoes are best for my feet and for what I plan on doing with them. My current shoes (Avia's) are great for short running distances and medium walks (6 miles or less) but not for 13.1 marathons. And I love 1/2 marathons and plan on making them my new hobby!

Have a great great week everyone and I look forward to reading your all of your blogs later this week.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Yes, I did do it...and it was good!!

Ok, so as you know I particapted in my very first 1/2 marathon this last Sunday. I was a bit anxious to get started-bouncing around and driving my pal nuts (who normally drives me nuts with her bouncyness). So my partner in crime and I made our way up the street in a sorry attempt to get closer to the start line. The race started at 7 am and turns out I did not get through the gate until 7:20.

Me before the race

Once through the gate we started jogging for a few blocks. It was a very very beautiful morning-no clouds in sight. Sadly the first 3 miles seemed foggy to me and I'm not sure why. I had good sleep the night before, drank plenty of fluids, ate properly...It was like the brain was giving the body a silent treatment. By the 6th mile I was in a groove..trucking along at a decent pace. I feel kind of bad for my friend (sherrie) who walked with me; she was constantly having to say "focus on the road" "dont'worry about it" (I kept saying ok we've gone x miles the turn should be here soon). We trudged along at a good pace, knew we were getting close to the finish and trying to decide when we should start jogging for the finish. and about 1/4 mile from the finish we hear "you've got 1 min x seconds to cross the finish line before the 4 hr mark." So Sherrie, poor gal, says "start joggin girl". And I did. Then about 50 feet from the finish I hear "you've got 25 seconds..." and I kicked it into a gear I didn't know I had...It was as if I were running from the feds (or chasing a ice cream truck??!! :O) ). I can't wait to see the finish line photo. It was at that point I felt "whole". I felt connected. And realized that I can run with no pain; with no regard to my surroundings. I left the race ready for the next stage: running 3 miles at one time.

Me after the race

My next race is the Susan Komen 5k. I am hoping we can run the whole thing but have heard rumors that running during the event is near impossible. But we will try. And if we need to we will mark our own 5k path and run.

Friday, April 9, 2010

34 hours and counting

Super super good week!! And in less than 34 hours I will partake in my first 1/2 marathon. Super stoked!! Picked up my race packet today and got a few goodies (although very few were free...sighhhh..ahhh..it's cool!).

first we picked up our bibs, shoe tag, and bag

then we picked up our shirts...

then I picked up some real cool head bands that I've heard are all the rage

I'm gonna wear the purple one (on the right) cuz it will match my shirt. I am opting not to wear the 1/2 marathon shirt they provided because I really don't think it's gonna fit. I ordered my current shirt size but they look like they run small. And I haven't lost as many inches as I had anticipated so I won't feel as comfy as I'd like for the walk/jog. And honestly when it comes to clothes I've got to be comfortable.

I was going to purchase some yarbuds, went as far as to get fitted for them but it didn't work out. they kept falling out and why spend 20 bucks on something that won't stay in?!? So if you are considering purchasing them I would advice that you go where they sell them so that you can try them out first. And I'll be honest, I didn't think that they were all that comfortable....

While at the expo we walked around and saw some wonderful gadgets on display. It's amazing how many items are on sale for runners. There were also a lot of booths with information on other marathons nationwide. We were able to pick up some brochures for a Nashville Marathon and Disney marathons. My friend and I would like to do the Princess 1/2 Marathon at Disney...we want to feel like princesses even if it's only for one day...Ok..I really want to wear the tiara is all!!

This is the longest I have ever worked towards something personal (other than college). Sunday after the race, it will be the 2nd thing that I have ever started and finished (gosh I hope I am not jinxing myself!!). The 1st was my college education (took me 15 years but I still finished it on my own, no help from anyone other than student loans). I REALLY feel like this is my year, like things are finally clicking in the noggin. I finally feel like it's ok not to have changes RIGHT THIS MINUTE! That it's ok if I side step; it doesn't mean I've failed. I also realize that it doesn't matter what "others" think; it's what matters to me. What an amazing feeling to realize that I MATTER. I wouldn't change the past-I wouldn't be who I am if I did. But I can't stay that person because there are tools available for me to reach MY "ultimate" being.

Friday, April 2, 2010

step 2-Not Being Perfect

In the spirit of change, I must learn to accecpt things as they currently are. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. I'm cool with it (today). And even though I know I can never be perfect I know that I need to make some changes (mind, body, soul). Let me shout this to the world---I NEED TO CHANGE. And I feel that the only way I can change is to be completely honest not only with myself but to those I am turning to for support. I must be willing to step out in front of the wrap around mirror and take a good hard look. So tonight, inspired by a fellow bloggers courage, I took some before pictures AND I AM POSTING THEM. I was a bit shocked and what I found is a bit amazing to me. My very first thought as I looked at the photos, VERY FIRST thought I remind you, was "oh, those aren't so bad". You see, I've taken before photos before (in 2006). They were NASTY. I still have them but don't have the courage (just yet) to post them. Besides I was in my undergarments in them and who truly wants to see some overly fluffy gal in her undergarments!!??

Anyhow..here they are. Me and all my glory!!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Step one

I spend countless emotional hours evaluating (often second guessing things that I have done and how (maybe) I should have done them) my life. Every step I take, I take cautiously in an attempt for acceptance, in an attempt to not rock the boat, in an attempt to make someone else happy (because if everyone else is happy I too can be happy). Sadly, a lot of negative has come of this. A lot of self belittling and chastising. I never seem to do anything right and someone else is always mad. I can be pretty mean too. I don't take this meanness out on anyone else; just myself. I deserve it. Right? Because if their not happy I can't be happy. I am often so stressed out about this that I have forgotten how to enjoy myself.

Late last year, during one of my "countless emotional hours of evaluating", I realized that my health was suffering do to this stress. I didn't know why (big surprise right) I was so stressed (I mean seriously, aren't some of us here to make everyone else happy?) and decided that this year (2010) I would work on me. I bought a book called "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin and began to read, highlight, take notes, make lists (FYI-I love lists). On one of my lists was that I wanted to start a writing a blog. Then one thing lead to another and I began to write about my journey (changing my mind (thinking healthier), body (eating healthier and exercise), and soul (cleaning my emotional closets). I'm meeting some great folks who inspire me to "be me". And that's how my "aha" moment started to surface. I love "aha" moments. Moments when the light switch flips on and everything becomes so clear. My aha is that I do deserve to be happy, I haven't done anything wrong. Yes, I've made mistakes but not mistakes that should have cost me my happiness. Yes I am different from others but different is good. Means we have things to offer each other that are outside of each others box.

Key point number one in my "aha" is that I should never have accepted that others happiness before mine was essential to MY happiness. Another key point is that I should never have accepted that I was NOT good enough to be happy. My ego is bruised and my self esteem in the toilet BUT I know that I can be fixed. How do I know? Because I was very happy today. It was such an euphoria. Sadly-I don't really know why. I don't know if it's my new twitter/blog pal (who has a great blog at http://katdoesdiets.blogspot.com/) or my 1st 1/2 marathon that is 10 days away. But I don't care...I'll take it....I DESERVE IT AND IT FEELS GREAT!!