Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The versatile blog ...

I love blogging. Some days I'm good at it...some days not so much. I like to write as if I am writing in my journal, letting the words flow from my finger tips. Sometimes I get apprehensive about others reactions but it doesn't keep me from holding back. If you can't take what I write then it's ok to move on. I've talked about some personal hurtful things not looking for sympathy just freedom from the prison I often keep myself in. But I also talk about happy things, mundane things, sometimes even crazy. IMO, I'm a versatile blogger (?).

Sarah at "The Gatsby Diaries" tagged me in her blog the other day with the Versatile Blpgger Award (?). Thank you Sarah-I greatly enjoy reading your blog. You (IMO) write about real things; real things that are close to your heart.

Upon rec'ing the award I am to:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award; 2. Share seven things about you; 3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs; 4. Let your nominees know about the award! Before I get to the seven things about me I am going to say that nominate anyone who comes to read this post (except for Sarah since she has just been tagged. See her post here http://gatsbydiaries.blogspot.com/2010/06/versatile-or-entirely-random.html) because let's face it, we're all versatile in our writing. The folks on my "Worth the read" list don't talk about just one thing ALL the time...they talk about a lil of this and a lil of that. I really do hope that many of you take the time to write a post in response to this.

Ok. Seven things about me, that are different from anything I've already posted in any of my last (measily) 45 posts.

1) I wanted to be a journalist growing up. But my low self esteem kept me from following through with that "dream".
2) I want to be recognized for my good deeds, recoginized for my hard work, recognized for whatever good I accomplish but cringe when someone praises me, especially in front of others. It's like the devil is telling me "oh, you don't deserve it and you know it".
3) I married an enabler. Mr. Skinny Jeans doesn't have to watch his weight and obviously doesn't care about my weight because we eat fast food way too often!
4) I am addicted to facebook and the internet. Seriously, I can't get enough of this even though I get too much.
5) I am incredibly blessed; more blessed than I could ever have imagined and I'm grateful for it and pray that I NEVER forget just how blessed I am.
6) I am nosy by nature. You need me to find someone or something I will find it. In my spare time I do family history searches as well as "blast from the pasts". I recently found a co-worker of my dads after 30 years. Totally freakin awesome find!!!
7) I have been experiencing in the last month or so the feeling of "if I were to die tomorrow I'd die a happy woman". I don't mean this in a morbid sense. I have never feared death but I have been fretful; fretful that I hadn't done all I could do to make the world a better place. I no longer feel fretful but empowered. Each year I age I get a little better as a person. I'm growing so much and I feel it shows in how I present myself to the world. Sure I have my "off" days but I'm confident that I would make my ancestors proud.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Fantabulous Friday...

I'm very thankful that the week is over and the weekend has officially begun. The hubs is out of town for a conference so me and FB have the run of the house. And the remote! :O) Last night was our first night alone...most of which I spent at the front entrance of our sub-division laying mulch. Such back breaking task but it does make it all "pop". It looks so good...amazing even!

On the agenda for tonight...I have no idea! The list had included putting up sun blocker film stuff on the windows..you know...the stuff that keeps the heat of the sun out but lets light in. Laundry had crossed my mind; as did cleaning the kitchen. I'll probably get my 3rd wind around 11 pm and work on through the night!! Which brings me to my fantabulous Friday post!

I am a huge fan of staying up late. It's a fabulous time to clean, catch up on reading or just plain do whatever you want BY YOURSELF. It's a great time for alone time. I know it sounds silly but like everyone else, I need my alone time and sometimes after 10 is the only time I can get it. It's kind of odd; My husband is an early bird and I'm a late owl. Go figure!!

Another thing I am a fan of is driving with the windows down and the radio up while attempting to sing the song on the radio. I think it's fantastic and up lifting to sing at the top of my lungs!! I can't carry a tune to save my life but doing all that makes me feel fabulous!

I know I said last week that I would only post two Fantabulous things but I just gotta say...I'm a huge fan of the 80's. It was so much fun. So much more fun then I ever gave it credit for. Granted some of the clothing choices weren't the best nor the hair styles but it was a really fun time!!

ok, onto a more serious topic. There are 99 days left until my next 1/2 marathon. Right now I'm ready to participate but only ready to do it in the same amount of time it took to do my first 1/2 marathon. I'd like to shave 30 mins off my previous time...but I need motivation. Remind me what motivates you...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Day 2 and 3 of July 21st goal...

the weather is hot hot hot but I am not not not. I walked yesterday but wimped out at 1.04 miles (in 15.58 minutes mile). The humidity was much more than I had anticipated and much more than I could bare. Tonight I didn't even make it into my work out clothes and did no walking. I REALLY need to just suck it up and get on the treadmill since the air quality is much better inside but I'm lazy. I'm not sure WHY but I am. I haven't figured out how to make the treadmill fun. At least outside the scenery changes. Outside there is a chance you will see someone or something that makes you smile. Outside there (in my mind) is a sense of accomplishment upon returning home from a long walk or bike ride. Let me quess, I'm making excuses again!!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Day 1 to July 21st goal

OK it was hot. And humid. And did I mention hot AND humid? But alias, I had to get started. I've wasted too much time already. My goal states that I will jog/walk 16 miles a week with a minimum of 2 miles jogged by July 21st. Today, at 7 p.m. (89 degrees with 74% humidity at that time), I left the house and did 4.5 miles....on my bicycle. (smile) The ride attempted to hand me my arse but I prevailed. And no worries about my goal, there are still 6 days left in this week for me to walk and jog. I just wanted to do something and track my miles with my garmin. The hardest part of the goal process (for me anyhow) is getting started. I can set them no problem but implementing can sometimes be like going to the dentist.

It was so hot tonight that I didn't feel like eating dinner. I had a late lunch (about 130ish-two sandwiches) so maybe that's part of why. I put together a salad to eat when I got back (because I didn't want to leave with a full tummy especially with how hot it was) but didn't feel like eating it. I ended up having some hummus and crackers, 5 twizzlers, and a nectarine. Oh and a powerade zero (grape) and two glasses of water.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Please explain to me...

why the "healthy" foods are so darned expensive???? $72 dollars at the grocery store, lots of great things. But I got to thinking about the fact that cookies are $2 while a pound of peaches is $2. You get about 40 cookies in a package and 4 (if you're lucky) in a pound of peaches. Cherries, those were 2.99 a pound. I was in such a good mood at the time that I didn't gripe about the outlandish charges!! I'm happy with my healthy choices and proud that I made them.

I forgot to update earlier that I am doing very well on my water intake and at taking my vitimans. Water these days is my liquid of choice and the 1st thing I grab to wet my whistle. My vitimans are normally taken 1st thing in the morning. I still need to work on "gettin movin" and found a solution to that. Sam at Believe in Yourself posted about a virtual goal. We were incouraged to set goals and attain them by July 21st. My goal is two pronged; 1st prong is to be walking/jogging minimum 16 miles a week by july 21st and the 2nd to be jogging 2 of the 16 of them straight.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Traffic feed...where are you from...

I'm curious...where are you from? On someone else's post I saw something called a "traffic feed" which logged visitors that came to their site. NO, it doesn't list a persons name or what their blog is but it does say what area of the world they are from and how they got to the blog in question. So nosy me added it to my site. I've had folks from all over the world visit and I'm curious...what's it like on your side of the pond? Someone from Ireland visited recently and I'd really love to hear about your life? What are your struggles? What keeps you moving? What's your journey about?

On a different note, I weeded the front enterance of our subdivision. Oy what a chore that was! Theraputic yes, never ending too! I'm going back in the morning to tackle the other half of the flower bed. Does this count as exercise..I surely hope so because my hands, arms, and legs are feeling the task! Sometime tomorrow I plan on taking a walk (4 miles) but it may have to wait until late day when the temps are lower. We are expecting to have hot hot hot (upper 90s with high humidity) for the next 10 days. Thankfully I've gotten back into the habit of drinking lots of water so my sweat is clear (and free flowing).

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Fantabulous Friday

It's finally friday (ok, almost but Thursday night is close enough for me)!! Yeah for all of us!!

Earlier this week Sam (at Believe In Yourself ) asked her followers to "Count thy Blessings". I had desperately wanted to comment but I'm getting bit comment shy these days because of others comments to my comments on other posts (one commenter made me question my relationship with in God (for a split second) and I didn't take to kindly to the feeling). Had I commented I would have posted that I am very blessed to have my husband (who is my rock), blessed to have my pug (who helps me with my patience and loves me no matter what kind of day anyone has had), blessed to have my job, and blessed to have this blog. This blog allows me to vent; express what's on my heart, mind, and soul without guilt or fear of retribution; and is a humble reminder that I am not alone.

We have all suffered in one way or another. Some have lost siblings. Some have parents. But none have lost their way. We sometimes think we have lost our way. We sometimes we feel like we've lost our way. But we haven't. We're still here fighting our battles and giving a run for the money.

So in honor of all you bloggers, I present Fantabulous Friday. Fantabulous Fridays is when folks talk about things they are fans of (or want to be fans of) and why they think the item is fabulous.

I'll start. But because some days I struggle with things to write (or run out of things to put on my list) I am going to only list 2 things. Besides it's Friday and we're not supposed to have to think so hard on Fridays.

First thing I am a fan of are bikes, most particularly the 1970's style "coaster". I think the big seats and pedal stop is FABULOUS for those of us who are not so coordinated (or have big butts). Mine is Lime green and white (with a blue pinstripe) with a white wicker basket. I bought it for myself last year for my birthday. the longest I have ridden on it is 10 miles and plan on getting a lot more on it this summer!!

The second thing I am a fan of is my Garmin wrist watch. That fabulous beauty tells me how many miles I've done, how long it took to do it and how I did them (at what pace), and downloads onto the computer. It gives me averages and inspires me to move a little further. And sometimes it makes me go faster!!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Did you ever notice...

how much easier it is to eat healthy during the summer months? Fresh fruits and veggies galor e AND available on just about every corner. Or if you're lucky enough you have your own garden to grow all your favorites. I'm in heaven right now with all the fresh items available. Instead of reaching for a bag of chips or a cookie I'm grabbing an orange, peach, kiwi, etc.


years of photos...

I took tomorrow off to celebrate the hubby's birthday (he's working though! hee hee). On nights I don't have to work the next day I stay up late (usuallly-yes, I know this is a big no no but it's part of my youth I refuse to let go of right now). Tonight I was going through some disks with photos from years gone by and noticed a recurring theme. Many of these disks either had my lil FB or the St. Louis Cardinals. I also have a few of flowers, animals, and a 5k I did with some co-workers (in which I ran 1/2 of it).

Fredbird early 2008
hybiscus (sp) I planted our first summer here (mid 2008)

The "real" Fredbird at Winter Warm up 2009

Lil Fredbird Christmas of 2007

Fredbird Nov 2008 with his fave baby

I'm the second from the left...that was a great great day...such a wonderfully supportive group of runners...I miss them!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Lordy Lordy Look who’ll be 40!!

Since you don't know me very well let me just come straight out and tell you; I LOVE my birthday. I feel as if it’s MY day, made specially for me, to do what I want-mostly anyhow. Sadly, most birthdays of recent years have been a let down because no one seems to understand what a big deal it is to me. My mom totally got it (and BTW it’s all her fault I feel like I do because she made our birthdays a REALLY BIG DEAL--HUGE) but I won’t go there…not today.

Weeks ago, when there was still 40 days left until my birthday, I had planned on doing a post titled “40 days of birthday” in which I would list 40 things I wanted to do by my 40th birthday (that I was going to post-see title a few lines above) and do one thing each day. I mean, everyone should celebrate there birthday for at least a month right!?! But I stalled out at like 25. Figures…1st thing to peter-out as I age is my “desire to do fun and outlandish things.” Notice I didn’t say memory…cuz I remember things just fine. Sometimes-too fine. But (Again) I won’t go there…not today.

So anyway, the point of the list was to do things that were cheap/free, that I hadn’t done in awhile (if ever), to get me (and the hubby?) off the couch. And let’s not forget things that would be FUN (or lead to fun). I put down take a picnic, fly a kite, go to a Grizzlies baseball game, eat raw oysters (check—did this as I was making the list), go to a drive in, go fishing, go to the botanical garden, lose 8 lbs..but I never got the list done (remember I stalled at 25) and I’m 25 days away. So what’s the point now. Besides, let me be honest…the list of things was boring and forced. The only fun thing on the list was that I wanted a party. A real party with real people doing real fun things; not just a party with family. Matter of fact if you could leave the family part out of it, it’d be even funner. Yes I know funner is not a word but I don’t care-it’s MY birthday (stomping foot). But no one around here knows how important my 40th birthday is (or any birthday of mine) so if there’s gonna be a party I’m going to have to plan it. Which I suppose I could do (I had entertained the thought of going to Vegas but who can afford that) but doesn’t appeal to me today because I don’t want people to think I’m “that kind of person”. The kind that has to be the center of attention, wear a princess crown all around town singing “It’s my birthday it’s my birthday” and expecting everyone to stop and sing happy birthday to me. Sounds a bit silly now that I think about it. So no party for me…VERY BIG SIGH.

Anyway (again)…I’ve only lost 3 of the 8 lbs and eaten the oysters. Nothing else on the list has gotten done. And I’ve lost the desire to have a to-do list leading up to my birthday. Sadly, I’ve even lost the desire to even celebrate my birthday, even at work (which I’m normally in charge of birthday treats). And I pray that the gal at work who is in charge of my birthday goes into labor before the 8th (she's due the 14th of July). Is that mean of me? To wish someone goes into labor before her due date just to get out of celebrating my birthday? What I ask, is wrong with me??!?!!?!? Ugh. Sigh. Yikes. 40. Who’d a thunk it…I didn’t plan this far ahead yah know…when I was a teenager I guess I never knew there was life after 21.

So, for those of you over 40..is 40 really ALL that? I heard it was da bomb..turning 40…but I can feel the water works starting just thinking about 40….

and a recap of the weekend...I walked 4.05 miles in honor of the Susan Komen walk on Saturday. It took us 1 hr and 10 mins and included some serious hills. I felt great once I was done. I had signed up for the walk itself that day but then heard there would be 70,000 plus other people showing up. and I don't do crowds well. at it was going to be hot. and the Komen walk didn't start until 9 so I wanted to get done and get back in.

Friday, June 11, 2010


Well, not much going on...thankfully!! :O) I'm going to Home Depot tonight for some things for the back yard; I've decided I'm going to make it an oasis for me and the pooch (and the hubby too if he'd like or if there's no ball game on!). And tomorrow I am going over to Sherrie's house to walk 3.5 miles then go to IHOP. I love IHOP! I'm not sure what the afternoon will entail but I'm sure sometime this weekend I will need to go to the front entrance of the subdivision to weed. Yeah.

My walking/jogging has been alright this week. Tuesday we did 3.5 miles, yesterday we did 3 miles and today only 1. It was muggy muggy muggy out...just too humid to move much. My water intake has been pretty good and I find myself drinking mainly water at home too now. Cleans the system right! I've done wonderful on taking my vitamins each day and not too shabby on the food.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

As requested....

all I can say today is OY! A sense of overwhelming is on the horizon waiting to suck me in. I am fighting it the best I can and thankfully haven't over induldged in excess food. Most of my food choices have been good BUT I have had a few beers a couple of nights this week. And there are sure to be a few more (just a few).

I could blame it on my upcoming 40th birthday but I thought I was excited about it. Guess the jury is still out. I could blame it on my husband, whose birthday is also coming up (he'll be 39-hee hee I married a younger guy!!), because he is so difficult to buy for. I could also blame this on my wonderful pug (who is an only dog) because he's been getting me/us up as early as 4 am these days. Then there is my job, which I truly love, that has been keeping my hopping and chasing my tail. There hasn't been a day recently that I haven't come home completely spent emotionally and mentally. Hell, I'm having difficulty writing this and that really isn't like me. I've always got something to say. Which brings the thought in my head that there in itself is the problem. In my world, the real one in which I must interact with others, I am often talked over. Do you ever feel like what you have to say doesn't matter? Do you ever begin to say something just to be cut off by someone who feels their message is more important to hear? I often do and it deflates me...makes me feel unworthy; as if I am to be seen and not heard. Which reminds me of my childhood.

Thinking of my childhood often brings mixed feelings. It was very hard. Talking with my family members is very hard. Losing a family member before "the mess has been cleaned up" is hard too. I only have one question left for my family members; "why did you let it happen?" The elders even act as if nothing ever bad happened. Like a dager in my heart (and soul I might add) is that the worst of the offenders has "found God" and acts as if they are the Christian of all Christians. They talk the talk real good. Please don't misunderstand, I do believe in God. I don't blame God for my childhood; I just have a hard time swallowing messages from people who have "all the sudden" found God. This family member toughts about God and all his mercy and how others will go to hell for the "errors of their ways" if they don't change. After all this family member has done to destroy our family they have a right to be judge and jury of others and their choices? No-they don't. We EACH will have to answer to God for our own choices not the choices of others. This person has never apologized for their misdeeds and meant it. Have they apologized? Yes. But the next day they turned around and said how much I wanted it too. How the hell did I want it too? Children don't "ask" for it and they certainly don't welcome it with open arms. Children do what they are told.

It is my opinion that if you do something wrong-apologize and mean it not try and justify it or shift blame. And this is my baggage, my cross. This cross I bare is at times too much to bare. I am torn; do I stay or do I go? Their words are empty to me and I want nothing more than to turn and walk away. Their new family knows nothing of my cross and my family members misdeeds. They know that the family member is not perfect but that they are making an attempt at being a better person. But how Christian is that, to wash my hands of my family? What would God say if I walked away, finally after 40 years, without so much as a goodbye and good ridence? Turning my back on my own flesh and blood does bring some solace but would it solve anything? Would anything positive and productive come of it? I feel as if I am in prison when it comes to my family. I want to be free from "that". But the bind thats ties me holds tight. Which is something I will have to come to terms with.

Paraphrasing (or whatever) from a Tim McGraw song; I'll do it better in the next 30 years...

Friday, June 4, 2010

ramble...Ugh...and we both got it!!

Nice little bug going around our house...the pug and I have it and it ain't pretty! Poor lil guy thought he was going to get into trouble for the accident we found in the laundry room but when your sick your sick. We're just trying to figure out how he got outiside the one gate, then back in the gate without knocking it over just to do his business outside of his designated sleep/play area. Oh well. As for me, I made it to my designated "area" to do my business with no problems. I'm just hoping it isn't planning on sticking around; we'll know tomorrow.

tomorrow night the gals, at least one guy, and I are going to the roller derby for a double header. I am really exicted and can hardly wait. I've loved roller derby since the 70's as a kid. dreams of participating in the derby myself dances in my head but considering I've not been on roller skates in darn near 30 years, me being a derby girl is pretty close to nil. My husband isn't going because he will be selling raffle tickets for Cardinal Care charity at the Cardinals game during the day and will be much too tired to go. No worries, I'll have fun for both of us. I do feel a lil guilty about not going to the game as well (I normally do) but selling raffle tickets isn't my forte'. I get so nervous and studdery; oh and I often forget to smile cuz I'm so stressed about having to talk to people cuz heaven forbid they just say yes and buy the darn tix...I'm mean come on-it's for charity!! Now the hubby; he could sell an igloo to an eskimo. and this gives him the opportunity to dress up in full cardinal gear (I'll post a pic later-it's funny). Since the weather is going to be extremly hot and humid (welcome to the midwest) he went and got a camel pack today in red. As further jusifitication for the purchase, he says "and you can use it for your long walks since you like to drink water". what a sweet sweet guy-wonder how I got so lucky (he really is sweet and I really am lucky)?? I really can't wait to use it-matter of fact I was thinking "hmm maybe i"ll go for a long walk on Sunday cuz I need to get moving since the 1/2 marathon is coming up!!"

Which brings me to the fact that I have a 1/2 marathon on Oct 3rd and I haven't done anything but watch my food intake. and I need to stop putting it off...so next weeks goal will include mileage that I plan to walk, jog, and ride my bike. I know that when I was training for the last 1/2 marathon i was getting in the mid 20's for miles...I think my goal will be 30 miles a week of jog/walk/bike. what other things should I incorporate? weights?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Just a quickie....

One minute I've got nothing but time; the next not so much. Last week Leesia over at "Here we go...hold on tight" (http://herewegoholdontight.blogspot.com/) awarded me the Sunshine Award (Thank you Leesia).

I apologize for my tardiness...I've just been really busy. And to be honest, like Leesia, I had rec'd an award the day before and didn't know how to respond. Silly I know; me at a loss for words (gasp)!!! BUT I do thank you Leesia and appreciate the time and kind words you have given me and continue to give me.

I'm going to cheat (tsk tsk I know) and tag everyone of my followers. I think you are all great (I mean hey, you do read my blog so you must be great!!). I really wish I could get to know you all a little better. Maybe when time loosens up (and I get a quicker computer that doesn't continue to freeze), after I've read some blogs I'll make an award of my own with really cool questionnaire. Sadly I think I may have missed the boat...I believe there is a blog tour going on. sigh.

This week has gotten off to a GREAT start. At the family gathering yesterday I made very wise and healthy food choices AND took smaller portions. However, my water intake yesterday may have slipped. I'd know for sure if I'd WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN! Today, I did so well that I scared myself. Of course as I sit here and type this I'm dreaming of a Klondike Reece's' bar. :O) I had a yogurt cup for bf, one cup of coffee, 1 1/2 pieces of turkey veggie meatloaf, an orange, an apple, tons of water (about 110 ounces), a large homemade salad....and probably the Klondike bar! My snacking the last week or so has been minimal and when I have snacked it's been fruit.

Before I close I really need someone's help. A close family member who will remain nameless (Fredbird) has been getting me up as early as 5 am. To EAT of all things.

He's lucky he's cute but I swear if he keeps it up I will not be responsible for my actions. I walk him between 2 and 3 miles a day, him and daddy play quite frequently. He gets his yogurt or italian ice about 8 most nights. I don't know what else to do. I know that during "normal" hours the air quality has been bad so maybe he is waking up so early because at that time the air is pretty good. I've tried ignoring him but he's very persuasive. Hubby felt sorry for me this morning and got up to feed him.