Sunday, February 3, 2013


I've always been a dreamer. I've always felt that I could do anything if I tried. But making dreams a reality is more than trying; it's about picking yourself up when you don't succeed-something I'm not always good at. It's also about discipline and making things routine-not yet my strong points. Sometimes you can't just do something once and do it amazingly. Well I guess you can if your perfect. But we all know how I am and being perfect.

Sadly I've had the tendency of thinking I will do amazingly at something, do it once, figure out that I'm not as great at it as I imagined I'd be and give up. Quit. Walk away. Not a great way to be sometimes. Certainly not really great on the ego at a later date when you reflect on what you've done in your life.

Don't misunderstand, I AM good at things. I'm also better at some things than I am other things (like everyone else).  Sometimes I can even stop doing something I am pretty good at and pick it up years later and still be just as good. But I don't feel like I'm GREAT at any one thing. People don't know me because I'm 'so fantastic at...' This one thing (Well except for folks at work and a certain software program). And as silly as this sounds it makes me feel unimportant and unispiring. Also silly is that I sometimes wonder if I don't want to be the person everyone comes to b because I'm 'so fantastic at so I can get a "gold star" (something Gretchen Rubin addressed in her happiness project) for my acheivements. It's like I want the world to pat me on the back because I'm so great. Am I being a narrisist?

I'm working on letting go of this mindset; letting go of doing things because it pleases (or might please) others; letting go of "maybe someone will give me a 'gold star'. I'm attempting to focus on things that I enjoy doing. And I'm doing it on the fly. With the help of some reading material.

Right now I'm reading a book "21 days to master success and inner peace". It talks about finding your passion. It talks about how your passion involves serving others. I'm not really sure how that works. I do understand that life isn't really about me. Everything I do has an affect on someone/thing. For every action there is a reaction. But how does living my passion strictly serve others? Hopefully the book will better elaborate in the next chapter...or maybe someone can explain it to me?