A letter long over due....

My Dearest Friend,

1st things first. Your mother would be so proud of you. You've overcome some major obstacles and turned into such an amazing human being. You've never met a stranger and have always been ready to lend a hand-even without being asked. Having you and calling you daughter is an honor she cherishes and every day she smiles down from heaven on you.

2ndly this letter is long over due. I've watched you from the sidelines for years (wishing you would give me a chance to help "squash the rest of your demons") and can no longer sit idle as you waste you time and energy on frivolous "things". You have put SO MUCH energy into "being too fat" that you overlook the obvious.  And this is interfering with the rest of your healing and is holding you back from your true potential. You are SO smart yet you doubt your every move and somehow manage to link it back to your weight ('well if you weren't so fat maybe people wouldn't look at you like your stupid!'). You second guess yourself unmercifully and wrongfully get down on yourself for the STUPIDEST things.  You strive to do all things "perfectly" in order to please everyone else and continuously sell yourself short because you are not as perfect as "insert someone else's name". NEWS FLASH: there is no perfect-period-get over yourself. And worst of all (IMO), this struggle with your weight (and how you associate it with your short comings) has gone on for so long that you no longer remember you're own greatness (& tenacity) and that "weight is just a number; it doesn't define who you are." 

So let me tell you the obvious.  And remind you of the truth of your existence...which is not to please OTHERS by the way. You're weight has NOTHING to do with you successes (or failures).  You're weight IS just a number on the scale; it does NOT define who you are and/or what you are capable of.  You are an amazing person yet you can't see it through your "fat glasses". GAWD how irritating! You are so wonderfully balanced! You're empathetic, genuine, grounded, determined, have a general concern for others well being to name a few. You also typically know your limits and know when you need to step back and let someone else take the lead. And that's why I'm here...I'm here to take the lead....together we are going to move mountains instead of mole hills. Those half marathons you want to run-we're going to grab that bull by the horns and RUN (pun intended)! That foreign language you want to learn-WE'RE going to learn it! Whatever we decide to do, we'll do it to the best of our ability. Sometimes we won't be as successful as we'd like to be but that's ok because we will have tried!

Love,

YOUR self confidence

P.S. You won't regret this...promise.

Change o plans...

Ok...instead of the Rock n Roll 1/2 marathon September in Philly I am going to do the "regular" Philly Half Marathon in November. Super Stoked...already signed up and made hotel arrangements....haven't told the hubs yet.  I attempted to "broach" the subject prior to signing up but I got a dirty look so I stopped talking. Not a very grown up way to "handle things" but you do it your way I'll do it mine! :O)

I had intended to start training this last week but was hit but a stomach/intestinal bug. I managed the treadmill for all of 15 mins before tossing in the towel.  I slept a LOT this week...almost like hitting the much needed reset button. I'm fine now thanks.

So, I was also supposed to drink more water, eat more veggies and fruits...which all went well until Wednesday when the bug hit. Now I have to "reset" that button. It'll be fine because I have faith that I can pick up where I left off (I'm trying reverse psychology). Healthier choices are becoming easier to make and that's a start. Remember, baby steps to making healthy, long lasting changes.  Healthy living is a choice; a choice that needs to become habit. 

I planted four rose bushes today and have so much more to do outside getting ready for summer. I'm really looking forward to the minor changes (the hubs is on board SHOCKER) around the house. Most of the changes are going to help with the lawn work which will make his life a lil easier. The minor changes will also block out our nosy back common area neighbors.  I love sitting outside with the pups but HATE feeling like everyone can see what I'm doing in my back yard (and I truly hate putting on "presentable" clothing just to sit outside in my own yard).

I have 3.1 miles on the books for tomorrow; a lot of standing wandering around Monday (opening day festivities-dear Lord please help me remember to bring my wallet!!) so Tuesday/Thursday I will do 3.1 miles and next Saturday 5 miles.

96oz of water, 2 pieces of fruit, 2 helping of veggies, and 1 sweet snack each day.

Also on the book for races is a 5k on the 27th of April (not signed up for so it may not be a go) and a 5k in KC (DEA-KC) on June 22nd that I am already signed/paid for.  Since I will be traveling to Philly I need (would like to) keep the race fees down. But I don't know. Sometimes it's easier (??) to be motivated to improve when signed up for races....but I had having to cough up 25 to 35 for a 5k.  granted I do know of some 5ks for 20 bucks but I'd sure like 10 bucks better.  Of course if I could win some dietbets maybe that could cover the cost of some 5ks. Or is I could sell more crap on ebay that could cover some races fees.

Do you like paying for 5ks? Is that the only way you're motivated to move is to be in race form?