Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Growth is a day to day process....

So far the year is going least I have no real complaints. Unless I'm referring to work....but we won't go into that because my focus is on being more grounded, making more time for family/me, and "letting go" of "Things". Oh and getting out of my comfort zone.

Jan 1st I sold the treadmill, on Jan 14th I joined the Y (& have been going every Tues/Thurs), and have tried to put more focus on me (ie having a more positive disposition; finding my purpose;blah blah blah).  Some moments it feels selfish to focus on my needs but I remind myself that I'm really of no use to anyone if I can't find my "happy" (besides who wants to be around a grumpy pants!). This doesn't mean that I am ignoring anyone; just means that I'm first as well as not saying yes to everything.  In the back of my mind is still what to do/not do as it pertains to community service/volunteer work but I haven't forced myself to make a decision.  I enjoy most of the other folks that volunteer at CC, enjoy that it's something Tim and I can do as a couple, the money raised is put to good use but truthfully-I HATE how unorganized some events seem. Things not ready, too many chiefs not enough indians.... and I mainly HATE that it's strictly about their charitible organization and never about another charitble event that they might be able to help with. I've played devils advocate many times as to why they can't give of themselves to other events in the area (I can only imagine how many requests they get for money or tickets) BUT they feel it's ok to send an email out requesting  CC volunteers to a players charity event that none of the proceeds go to CC but tell me "we can't send an email out for your event because it has nothing to do with CC" I get a lil irritated. I'm sure I'm over reacting (all volunteer organizations have issues) BUT these volunteer activities have caused me some anxiety in the past and I really need me to answer the question "is this something I really want to do?" "Why do I want to do it?" "What is it that I am looking for when volunteering?"

Anyhow I am feeling pretty good about how things are moving this year.  But I do wish I could figure out how to not "spaz out" so easily. My expectations of things often do NOT match the outcome.  Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised but that really is a rarity. I find that those times that I am pleasantly surprised is because I didn't "dwell" on "anything"....aka I didn't have any expectations on how the outcome would be. I just did what needed to be done.

I wonder if there is a book on how to be more of a "go with the flow" kind of person?

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Small victory

I didn't make it to the work out class (got out of work late) BUT I did make it to they Y today and I walked on the treadmill so that's a small victory for me.  I'd show you my id card but ipad and posting pictures isn't agreeing...

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Incorporating "20 Things Mentally Strong People DON'T Do'...

The recent death of Scotty has opened my eyes to some things that I inadvertently "turned a cheek to".  While trying to be a supportive friend/sister to his wife (she is like a lil sister to me) I realized that I didn't let myself heal properly after my mother died. I was 25, had never experienced death (I didn't know my grandparents), and didn't know of resources available for grieving.  I dealt with her death in a very destructive, rash way.  I'm VERY thankful that she is seeking guidance that I never sought, looking for positive changes for a happier future, and blessed that she is sharing her journey with me.

Fast forward to yesterday when someone from my Advocare group posted the article "20 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do" on Facebook (full/detailed article here).  I read the article and thought about sis and I's conversations.  Long story short is that I realize that I have dwelled too long in the past, I often refuse to remove myself from my comfort zone, constantly think of how I or something I want to do will fail (without even trying), and give into my fears (to name a few LOL).  Don't get me wrong, I haven't spent all of the last 18 yrs this way BUT more often than not I have.  Closing myself off to the real world is/was easy and a lot less painful.  If  you don't put yourself out there you can't get hurt.  Of course being this way I've probably missed out on some good times.

Anyhow, I thought I would work this article into my life.  While I DON'T consider myself mentally weak, I do KNOW that there is room for improvement.  I'm almost always open to learning and in recent years I have occasionally put into work what I've learned (I've certainly become more patient/understanding). :O) The Advocare guy posted it so that folks would use it as a resource to become a "Champion within Advocare"....and I want to be a champion in life, not just Advocare.

So I am sure that you went and checked out the article and that you'll help me with the list.  Of the list of 20 things I am going to focus on #1 (Dwell on the past), #2 (Remain in comfort zone), #6 (letting others make decisions for me),  and #17 (giving into fears) first.  I chose these four because I feel that of the list of things these are my "worst" mental offenders.

The first item I am going to tackle is #2, comfort zone.  I hate public exercise classes. I'm not real keen on overly happy, smiling, chipper people (sorry LOL-I think it's because happy doesn't yet come naturally to me). My neighbor (who almost always seems happy, smiley, perky) teaches a 25 min "Core and more" at the YMCA on Tues/Thurs. So Tuesday night I'll be heading over to the YMCA to participate in her class. I might even stand in the middle of the class verse the back of the class!!


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Things to consider for 2014

We are already a week into 2014...seems kind of longer but I'm getting older so my perception of time sux.  I've NEVER been big on "resolutions" but I do believe in establishing a set goals for the year.

1.  stay grounded. Shit happens but if I can stay grounded and focused on the present (& what makes me happy, living healthy) maybe getting to a desired result will be "more attainable" (ie run more, lose weight, avoid injury)? (I didn't just state an oxy moron did I?)

2. Let go of what I "thought" I should be.  Things have happened for a reason and I couldn't always control the things that happened; especially the bad.  Bad things happen to good people-that's life.

3.  set aside time for me to explore my needs via exercise, creative outlets (photography), spiritual development.

4.  Continue to make time for family. Dad is responding to the chemo so I can cut back on driving up every weekend/every other weekend (talk about burn out)...once a month for 3 days should suffice for now.  

This isn't my whole list but the more mentally challenging.  I read somewhere that you should be "specific" on ones goals so I have to work more on the specifics of what I want physically.


Thursday, January 2, 2014

One foot in front of the other

Still haven't commited to what to do....thought I knew what to do until I realized that it was too much out of pocket right off the cuff (to get the best deal) and that if I was going to do a monthly fee I may as well go to the YMCA where I prefer (plus I KNOW their charges up front, it doesn't change on a whim AND they don't make you sign a yearly contract) eventually I will make my way to the YMCA to sign up for a membership but I haven't decided when. I'm not going to sign up for WW or the class cuz truth be told (again?) I know what I am suppose to be eating and how much I should eat and that writing it down sometimes the way I sold my treadmill so I can no longer consider using it. As if I really would. I wasn't using it (used it a handful of times) and it was a daily reminder that I had once again not followed through with my "very good" intentions.

Which brings me to a topic of "commitment" phobia...which I seem to have...which I guess is my way of not making myself hold myself accountable (say that five times fast). Sometimes I just dont' get myself....I'm pretty smart...most of the time..... :O)