Thursday, September 30, 2010

Okie dokie...week is almost over... I have offically been on the weight watchers program for 3 days (gosh-seems so much longer!). I could actually count it 4 days because I wrote down what I ate on Monday and was able to put that on my chart. The charting is so much easier these days with the online thing. Of course, after just a short few days, this gives me every indication that I need to PLAN AHEAD; especially for eating out. I also noticed that some things that I THOUGHT would be low in points (fat free cottage cheese slim fast shake) were actually a lil more than I really wanted to consume for a "treat". It's amazing how quickly the points fly out the window. Thankfully this will get eaiser.

I picked up my race packet today for the 1/2 marathon. I'm looking forward to the challenge. I anticipate doing it on my own and I'm cool with it. I need to do this just for me, by myself, no one else. Yes there were be serveral thousand folks around me (ha ha with the majority in front of me!!) so I technically won't be alone. But at the last race I wasn't really "there". I was there walking but my mind was elsewhere. My friend was there constantly saying 'focus-this way'. This time I want to be there physcially, mentally, and emotionally and I think I will do better if I have to do it myself. I know it sounds funny but I'm sure some of you can relate. You and your friend do things together. You get so comfortable that you can do these things on auto-pilot, almost like second nature. One day you and your friend are walking along and suddenly you realize that your journey is almost done and you've not enjoyed any of it.

I will be meeting up with one of our fellow bloggers (One Crazy Penquin) to pump each other up and/or congratulate each other on our finishes. She seems like such a fun gal and I'm looking foward to meeting her. Maybe we will even get to take some pics!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Weight Watchers here I am!!

Ok, so this morning...I signed up for weight watchers meeting w/etools. I'm diggin the etools-makes tracking easier. I jotted down what and how much I ate and tonight entered it ALL. Even the wine. It's cool though, with the help of etools I can tweak what I eat OUT so that I can enjoy dinner with the hubs and lose weight without starving him. win win both of us.

I have realized that I have taken this whole job thing just way way too personally. I felt like I'd let him down. I had encouraged him to try for something knowing that he might not obtain his desired end. But the truth is; he may not have gotten the job even if I hadn't applied. I also realized today that it's not me he's mad at. It's the hiring system (civilian and private sector) that has got him seeing red, feeling disappointed, and disheartened. I'm sure there are many others who have felt this pain considering how far in the toliet our job market is.

But it's not the end of the world. I know things will work out great. It just takes time. And he and I got nothing but time. He and I will continue to help and support each other in our endeavors.

Monday, September 27, 2010

yeah for Mondays!!!

With Mondays comes the start of a NEW week! Ok, maybe not for some but I choose to look at it that way. I do like Mondays...for the most part! I did not make it to Weight Watchers today BUT they open at 7am tomorrow for questions, consulting, and hopefully signing folks up. They have plenty of evening and weekend meetings. I really feel this is a good choice for me. I'm going to try it for 3 months and then go from there. I feel like I need outside help, from folks who don't know me but know what I"m going through. Kind of like you all help me emotionally.

Also, I have decided NOT to whimp out on the 1/2 marathon coming up on Sunday. My gal pal is not doing it with me (something has come up and she will be unable to attend), I will be on my own. Me, God, and a bunch of other folks. I'm aiming for 3 hrs 15 mins (30mins faster than the last one) but will be happy with just plain beating my last time considering the lack of substantial training.

Have a great week and thank you so much for listening!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

A new day...

I appreciate every ones kind words and prays. I know that my issues I choose to write about may seem insignificant compared to others given what we hear about daily in the news (or what one of you may be going through but don't speak of) but it is significant to me. I want my family, especially my husband, happy. Seeing him in pain is difficult. It's not just his job situation that brings him pain, it's his neck and back injury that the doctors don't know how to fix.

Anyhow, It's also just a small piece of my puzzle.

I think the bigger issue of my puzzle is how I've viewed myself. For the longest time I was encouraged to view myself as unworthy no matter how much effort I put into the "project" (IE relationships or jobs). I know that this is not true but this is still a daily struggle for me. I constantly have to remind myself that I put my pants on the same way everyone else does; one leg at a time. Whem I met my husband I was enamored by his confidence. I wanted that confidence. He wasn't cocky confident mind you. He was down to earth, I can do anything confident. And he encouraged my confidence to blossom. And it was working or so I thought.

Tomorrow I am signing up for weight watchers. I'm still debating between online or in person. I need help. I thought I could do it on my own but I'm not holding myself completely accountable when it comes to food. I have a 1/2 marathon scheduled for next Sunday. I've not prepared as well as I did for the last one so I'm a bit nervous. I know that I can do it, just not sure how my feet will come out of it.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Change is a coming...I just pray my marriage will survive!

Yes, change is a coming. Change is inevitable...a person has just got to prepare the best way they can. My world (especially emotional), in my humble opinion, has been in turmoil most of the summer. My husband applied for a promotion within his company and got passed over. Shortly after the passover management approached him and said "we know that you applied for another position (that you didn't get) and we think you would be great for this other position." The position was his, all that was left was for the old boss to release him to the new department and the new department to accept the date of release. Long story short, they couldn't agree on a date (two weeks) so he lost the position. Totally not fair but nothing I (or he for that matter) can do.

Earlier this year (prior to hubs dilemma) I caught wind that so and so was retiring within my organization. I was asked if I would be interested in it and would I be applying. I said "heavens yes, it's what I've been working towards." Between that time (Mayish) and the time the job officially posted (Julyish) many folks were "going to bat for me". I'm not trying to sound conceited but I'm a damn good employee; I work my butt off; I put EVERYONE else before myself. The job posted and I mentioned it to my husband. Mind you he has NEVER applied for any of the other positions I have mentioned before. He got really excited about this job and applied himself. I encouraged him to apply. It would be closer to home. He would have so many more benefits that he doesn't currently have. I figured I could bow out of the running and all would be good in my world.

Bowing out of applying for the job went over like a turd in a swimming pool. I wanted my husband happy but no one was getting that. I know getting this job would make him happy. But the folks who had "gone to bat for me" were not excited to hear that I wanted to bow out (I told them that my husband was applying but they didn't "get it") so I felt obligated to apply (I'm not into burning bridges and sensed that this is what I would have done if I had not applied). I prayed that they would choose him over me because of veterans status. Yes, there was no guarantee that he would get the job had I not applied. But I now wish I would have not applied and found out.

Two weeks ago I was told that I would be splitting my time between my job and the job in which someone is retiring. The list of applicants has been printed but no interviews have been done yet-they are still looking over resumes. Everyone thinks I have the job. I am not so certain; anything is possible and I have been in this position before (applying for a job, doing it and then it going to someone else). My husband is a bit disheartened-he is wondering why apply for something when they already know who they want. I understand where he is coming from (I HAVE been in his shoes). He is a veteran with preference points and is supposed to get more consideration for certain positions (IE governmental positions). I am an existing employee looking at a promotion. Either way the organization could not go wrong with either of us working in that position. I've mentioned to those in a position to hire that my hubs has applied for the position (and yes, stating he would not be a bad choice) on various occasions but I can't make them hire him over nor do I want to burn any of my bridges.

I feel so torn. I wanted this position. I've been working towards a position like this. It would be closer to home, in an organization I love, AND a raise to boot. BUT I would not be upset if they gave the position to someone else...especially someone like my husband. It's been really stressful around here. Hubs says "oh I don't care" but I know he does. I know he is frustrated with work in general...who wouldn't be after losing a promotion because your bosses are dicks and can't comprimise on a release date? But I also feel frustrated because I've worked so hard myself to make myself the best assistant possible. I've lost promotions because of dickhead bosses too. I've applied for hundreds of jobs not to get even an interview.

I've prayed to God for peace on this. I've asked for help to release this and let God do what's best. That's so hard when you look at your husband and see disappointment. Him getting this job would be such a wonderful boost to his confidence and ego. Me not getting this job/promotion would might take some pressure off or at least (maybe) make me feel less of jerk for applying. Stupid politics in the work place. I so wish I had not applied for the position. I think burning my bridges then would have been so much easier than what I am going through right now. There is nothing wrong with my current position. I have an awesome boss and love my current job-I should have left well enough alone!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Yes...I'm still here...

Hello my friends...I've been absent for much longer than I had inticipated. I've been overly tired, midly stressed, and to be quite honest-depressed. Things never go how you plan nor how you'd hoped...normally it's no biggie (that's life) but I feel stretched to the limit. Mentally I'm still pretty sharp (I'd better be-I'm splitting my time between two offices right now doing at least 3 peoples jobs on top of my own! :) but I'm emotionally drained (notice I did not say physically!!). Oh and it's year end at work!

Ok...enough whining...before I scamper off under my rock...I want to thank Finding the Thin Within for the awesome give away...I'm looking forward to working with Jullian and her Banish Fat Boost Metabolism! Thanks Katie!!!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sometimes being bad isn't as fun as it used to be

target daily points 26 points
points earned for exercising 3.5 (50 mins of moderate walking)
total 29.5 points
points total today 49.5 points
overage/shortage 20 points over (not calculating flex points)

Breakdown of points...

Slimfast (Br) 4 points
black coffee (Br) 0 points
Cottage cheese with pinnapple (L) 2 points
Turkey meatloaf (1/2 serv)(L) 2 points
Pumpkin bread muffins (sn) 4.5 points
candy bar (mini) (SN) 1 point
70 oz water (all day) 0 points
4 slices pep pizza papa john(D) 27 points
bbq wings (3) (D) 9 points

3 pieces sugar free gum (walk) 0 points

you see where I went bad right? And I don't even understand why I did it...Yes I was hungry but not that hungry and the food wasn't even "fantastic"....And now It's sitting on my stomach like a rock and made my walk this evening SUCK. Plus, This means that tomorrow (and the rest of the week) I am going to have to watch my food like a hawk and not splurge (or if I do "splurge" splurge on low point treats like yogart, icey cups, or pudding).

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Shred the Shred...Day 5, 6, and 7 I'm not doing the Shred as prescribed. However, I am doing SOMETHING. Day 5 I walked 2.87 miles and did 10 mins of Shred, day 6 I walked 3.1 miles, and day 7 I walked 2 miles. The weather has been really nice and when it's really nice I'm not into do the shred.

The rest of the week is as follows:

Tomorrow (day 8) Shred and walk 3 miles
Thursday (day 9) Shred and ride stationary bike for 30 mins
Friday (day 10) Shred only
Saturday (day 11) Walk/jog 6 miles
Sunday (day 12) Shred and walk 4 miles

I've also done something this week that I haven't done in awhile and that's make my lunch to take for work. This will help me keep with portion control. I also have some skim milk on hand so that I can have a bowl of cereal each morning.

Have a great rest of the week.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Day 4; the Shred

I didn't get to the SHred today...BUT I did walk/jog 3.05 miles in 43 mins (that's an average of 14 min a mile which is GREAT for me) My quickest mile was 13.48 so I'm getting there. And the night is still young (it's 830pm cst) so I can still get the Shred in after hubby goes to sleep. I'm really proud of myself though...I pushed myself on my walk/jog. and I'm going to do it again tomorrow. And then the next day. The weather is wonderful.

Friday, September 3, 2010

And the Cherrie on Top Award goes to...

Me Me Me...

Wanna Be Runner over at One Crazy Penguin was gracious enough to think of me after receiving her award.

For the Cherrie on Top Award I must:

1. Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

I agree that everything happens for a reason but if I could go back and change something it would be my love for excercise (or lack there of). It is SO hard to change bad habits and learn to love something that you've avoided for so long. I really wish I would have applied myself years ago in P.E. and stuck with track.

2. Pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award.

I love the blogging world. I get to view others points of view from the comfort of my own surroundings (normally home) and converse with them without fear of (insert appropriate word because it alludes me at the moment). Basically, I feel a sense of belonging reading the various blogs I do. I feel real encouragement from you guys and on various levels. I feel like I can actually have an intellectual conversation without feeling insecure. I also feel like I CAN change my life and that I will be ok when I fall because someone out there in the blogging world understands my pain and will encourage me to get back up. These folks are amazing, smart, beautiful, passionate people. Thank you for sharing in my journey.

So, without further a-do, These are some of the awesome blogs that I love to read (the rest are on my side bar). Check them out!

1. The Gatsby Diaries
2. Endurance isn't only Physical
3. Diet of 51
4. My Jog Blog
5. Deb Shrinks
6. Believing it's Possible

3. You have to thank the person (people) who gave you the award...

Thanks again Wanna Be Runner (wish I knew your real first name/nickname!)...I truly enjoy reading your blog and seeing your journey. So here's to you...

Day three of the Shred

I can't believe I did that damn dvd again! what is up with that? Three days in a row without having to be bribed! Yikers for sure. BUT all the exercises are doable and there is really no excuse as to why I don't do the damn thing. Like good old Jillian says "it's 20 mins people". Pfft. Grrr.

I'd have to say that my biggest challenge will be/is the side legged squat that you lift the hand weights up to your eyes. Actually-I think they are called side lunges. And I don't think I am doing them right. But whatever. I can't even walk and chew gum at the same time. They suck and I suck at doing them. Which leads me to my second biggest challenge-the butt kicks. Yes I can kick my own butt. But I can't seem to run in one place AND kick my own butt. I'm sure I'll get it though. I grasp that concept better than them stupid side lunges. But I give myself props for trying.

I totally rock on the jumping jacks (ha-I know-everyone can do them but I feel like I can do them perfectly!!) and I'm getting better at the push ups. The sit ups/crunches are gettig "easier" as well. Ok not the bicycle crunches but the others. Again, I CANNOT walk and chew gum at the same time. There are just some things that don't come natural to me. At all. BUt I am confident that in time I can grasp it all and even do them without seeing having to watch Jillian do them. I might even get "faster" so that I can do more of them in the span of time. I can hope anyway.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Day Two

Oy. About 2 pm my legs started to ache. Right above the knees. I've felt this ache before so I wasn't concerned. I was however a bit impressed. As I stated in the previous post, I started doing the 30 Day Shred yesterday. There were many squats, jumping jacks, and butt kicks (literally!) so I was glad to see that the dvd is working. But it also made me nervous...although the exercises are doable, I am very slow. Will I ever get quicker? It was quite the debate on the drive home. But determination won out and I did the Shred for a second day.

Today the hubby left for a meeting. I quickly got the brownies in the oven (for a co workers birthday tomorrow you silly bloggers!!) and popped the dvd in. And away I went. My endurance was up a bit from yesterday, in part because I was wearing my tennis shoes (yesterday I did it barefoot) and my footing seemed better. But mainly because I was excited to test my body, to see if this dvd works. I'm not a big fan of Jillian's voice (sorry-it's like nails on a chalkboard) but her words hit me. "Keep moving, it's only 20 minutes, you'll get stronger each day, aren't you worth it". And so I kept moving.

Jillian Michaels Shred, Day 1

Ok so Syl at Live Smile Run is having a September challenge. There were two options: 30 day Shred with Jillian Michaels or 20 minutes every day (This one entails you doing 20 minute of activity of your choice!). Sorry folks...the challenge is closed to newbies (closed Aug31st) BUT you can follow along with me until you can join her next challenge in October.

Anyhow, I chose Jillian. Someone (Sarah at Gatsby Diaries) had recommended the dvd to me a few days prior when I asked about work out dvds. I had just purchased it when I saw Syl's challenge; so I took it as a sign to "grab the bull by the horns" and do it. Last night was my first day doing it. It took less than 30 minutes (the actual exercising is like 20 minutes but getting set up, warmed up, and ready takes time too). And it's safe to say that I got my butt showed to me. All of the exercises ARE do-able for me but I was showed (once again) how not in shape I am. I can't wait until my strength is better and I can keep up. I will say though-I prefer Bob's Yoga dvd. At least right now.