Thursday, August 26, 2010

It can be a bit daunting at times...

Not knowing what's next. Not knowing what happened and/or why it even happened. You just know you need to get up every morning, put your big kid clothes on, and march back out there and give it your best shot!

My favorite thing about life is the plain and simple fact that (IMO) each year I get older, I get a little better. Each birthday I get a little calmer and seem to have more patience; even for myself. Each year I become a little more forgiving and not so quick to judge; Even of myself and the mistakes I've made (and continue to make). Each year I get a little stronger, a little more confident, and a little more beautiful (inside and out).

These are things that they don't teach you in kindergarten. They (parents, teachers, and others in our community) may make mention of life getting better with age; but never specifics about what part will get better and what to look for! I guess there's some good to that...if they were specific it wouldn't have been such a pleasant surprise!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

staying a float and trucking along...'s been a rough few weeks on many levels and I'm happy to have survived. NOt that any of it was life threatening (except maybe the box of Amos cookies). It's just really rough when everything is coming at you and no one to play body guard for you. I think the worse was when some Jack ash called me a fat whore because we were not driving fast enough for him to get through the light. I really hate it when people utilize unnecessary (and uncalled for) name calling. My husband can't believe I'm still torked about it but it really--was that the best the douchebag could come up with?? It just struck a nerve you know. It's like grow up and be a productive person in society not a wart!

I'm happy to report that I've been eating some what like crap (no just kidding-I'm not HAPPY to report but no sense me crying right-I've got bigger fish to fry-like the jack ash who...). I've been uberly motivated in the exercising department for the last 8 days STRAIGHT. I've done about 20 miles of biking and 15 miles of soft jogging/mostly walking. Two of those days I just did a mile or mile and a half BUT I'm hustling. I tried to do a work out video today but it SUCkED BIG ONES. I tried a 10 min Pilate's, sweating to the oldies, and a walking one; I just couldn't get into it. I miss my Bob dvd (BIggest loser Yoga). It's at work. Guess I won't let THAT happen again!

You all got an exciting workout dvd worth looking into?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Determining your worth...

It's not about money. It's not about houses. It's not about a career. It's certainly not about who your family is. It's not about trips here or abroad. And It's definitely not about the trinkets or rewards you acquire while on your journey. It's about finding balance. It's about learning limits and the art of compromise. It's about finding you in the mix of all the chaos. And most importantly, it's about acceptance and loving who you are despite that chaos.

I've not always had great self worth. I've often put others needs in front of my own mainly because that is what I was taught (others before thyself). I've not always respected myself, giving freely of EVERY part of my being to scumbags in hopes that they would see I'm worth "it" and opt to stick around in my life. There have been times, in the midst of great chaos, that I've determined that I am not worth "it" so why even bother. Thankfully this is changing.

During my journey I have remembered my strength and acknowledged that maybe I have never lost my strength despite what my alter ego claimed. I am also realizing that my courage never really left either, just took a back seat. It's time for me to dig deep and remind myself of the times I've put my mind to something and accomplished great things.

So it is on this date, the 17th of August 2010 that I declare to myself and the world...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Lost: Motivation; Reward if found

I've lost my mojo. I don't know where it is. If you see it, send it back to me please. I'll reimburse you for your troubles. Occasionally I've found it myself, sitting on the couch or napping in the bedroom, but it runs screaming from the room because it has no desire to do anything productive. AT ALL. And I'm concerned. There are 49 days until my next half marathon. And I am not really prepared. Ok, I'm not prepared at all. The most I've walked in recent weeks is 10 miles but my average is 4miles. And that's not even consistant; as in 2 days a week is all I've been walking. And I am close to admitting that I may never be a runner (because of motivational issues), that I may be destin to being a fast walker.

Occasionally I will come across an article/story about someone who has made changes in there life that has enabled them to shed pounds, adjust their outlook on life, and live a happy, more active life. These changes have strengthened their bond with the spouses/signficant others, as well as with themselves and their faith. When asked "How did you do it?" they claim "I just woke up one day and started doing it." Can someone please explain how this happens and how I can "wake up one day and just do it." Over the last 7 months I have given myself every tool possible (new work out shoes, new work out clothes, books, internet searchs on food, exercise, emotions-and I've had a treadmill for over a year) in order to make the life changes I seek and nothing seems to have fully stuck. Now, I'm not being a Debbie Downer-I just need help understanding how I can get myself to "wake up one day and just do it". I envy those who jog and get into "the zone". I want that zone.

I love being out in nature, observing my surroundings, smiling at the beauty of it all. I feel at peace when I'm strolling along...and peace is sometimes hard to come by. Lately, I have not been able to enjoy nature. The mold count has been through the roof, as has been the humidity. How do those of you with allergy issues handle being out in the mold? I can avoid some of the humidity/heat by walking late at night or dragging my arse out of bed early in the morning. But the allergins in the air, especially mold, give me headaches that sometimes lead to migranes. I could just suck it up and use the treadmill (sweet hubby bought an industrial type fan to help cool the rooms in our house) but I want to be outside.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Still kickin...

I've been crazy busy. I like crazy busy but it's making me a lil crazy. Surprisingly I've not been eating crazy but sadly I've gained 3 pounds. Could be stress. Could be I didn't eat enough. Could be the lack of real exercise. Who really knows. Could be all three!!

On a good note, it was a lil cooler this evening. On a bad note, the mold count is still high causing headaches, drippy noses, and burning eyes.

Have a great weekend. I'm going to see Eat Pray Love tomorrow night (hopefully). I'm looking forward to it. I'll catch up on blogs Saturday. Hugs to you all!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Moving and grooving...

Hello! Just a quick post to say "I am alive and well"...had the follow up mammogram (yippie) but they haven't a clue. The Dr. said "Compared to your mammogram done last week it looks like the area of concern has shrunk but we sent your previous mammogram from 5 years ago back to your old dr so we can't really do a full comparison." She promised to get back to me (rolling eyes) when the got the previous mammogram back. So I decided F'it I'm not going to worry about it. If my boob fall sweat-just means I'll be 10 pounds lighter instantly! :O)

So, it's been a good weekend. I've gotten a decent amount of things done around the house. I went for a 5 1/2 mile bike ride last night and getting ready to go for another 5 1/2 bike ride tonight. I've also made some wonderful food choices and I'm ready to fight the world of Tori Fat one pound at a time!

Have a great week!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I’m sorry my blogger friends…

...I’ve not really been up to blogging this week. I’ve had things going on at work yanking me here and there…and then some personal things that came up needing my attention. And this heat-it’s not helping. It’s been hot as blazin here in the Midwest and it’s stealing much of my energy. And the pep in my step-the heat stole that too! Oh well…this too shall pass.

So me and the dog, we’ve been keeping a low profile. Reading blogs and responding here and there. We’ve also started reading yet another book (Eat, Love, Pray by ??). It’s really good (so far) and the movie comes out next Friday starring Julia Roberts. I’m really looking forward to seeing the movie and seeing how close they keep the two. While reading I can sometimes hear Julia’s voice as the narrator. I’ve also been reading a “Sherlock Holmes” type book…it’s about Sherlock Holmes through Mary Russell’s eyes. Also on the reading table are “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin and a Marathon book by Hal Higdon. Oh, and I’ve read a couple chapters of a Debbie MacComber book. Hmmm…I’m seeing a pattern here. I think.

So anyhow, tomorrow I have a follow up mammogram on the right side. Evidently they saw something that needs a closer look. They say that us women have many “bumps” “masses” “dense areas” that are actually “nothing” but there’s always that chance it could be something. And although I’m not looking forward to this visit I would rather find out “wassup” rather than sit here going “hmmmm”. Besides, knowledge is power right? Or does that not apply in this case?

Chao…have a great night/Friday…I’ll try and write a real post over the weekend.