Friday, July 30, 2010

List list I gotta make a list!

I’ve been setting goals but not attaining them. I’m not sure what the problem is and I need to find out.

So I’m going to give Sam’s suggestion a whirl and see if I can't get something amazing accomplished. She suggested (if memory serves correctly) to make a list of the big picture and then take baby steps to get there.

So the big picture for me is to:

· Weigh 150 lbs

· Run 3 miles a day 4x a week

· Participate in 2 ½ marathons a year with end times of 2hr45 mins or less

· Participate in 12 5k’s a year with end times of 40 mins or less

· Making healthy eating choices 90% of the time

· Have a better and honest understanding of what triggers my decisions to not exercise or eat healthy

· Utilize better time management

· Read one book a week

· Have a cleaner house

· Have a better relationship with my faith, husband, sweating, nature, my community, and myself.

Now…how to break it down into baby steps.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I had a mammogram if you're not up for griping keep going...thanks

No's no lie...I love being a woman. I love having to go to the dr's office yearly for a "female exam" (can you all handle the word pap smear?). Spread eagle on a nice cushy table, with a nice breeze that appears out of no where, waiting for a utensil obviously made by a man (sorry fella's) to be inserted. This lovely procedure last all but 15 minutes even though you spent 45 in the waiting room and 10 in the office itself (in a lovely gown) waiting for the physicians assistant to come in. Sadly, IMO, this procedure does not compare to the lovely procedure women over 40 (and some women prior to that age) have to endure yearly. Yes ladies, I am referring to the mammogram.

Who da BLEEP invented that machine to do this procedure? Way has the machine that does this procedure barely changed in 26 years? How do I know what the machine was like 26 years ago (1986 to be exact)? Because at an AFB in Central Illinois at the ripe age of 16, I got to stick my lovely, small at time ta ta's into a metal booby trap that squeezed the living sheet out of my chest! Ugh. Now and days it's a plastic do hickey; two flat pieces that come mushing down. And if you're real smart like me you'll piss the tech off enough that she smashes a lil further than needed!

Am I making any sense? Sorry...let me slow it down. 1st off, I am not trying to scare anyone who has not had a mammogram into not getting one. Mammograms are needed and supposedly help detect breast cancer sooner. Sooner is better (IMO). Some woman (like myself) who have a family history of cancer (ovarian as well, not just breast cancer) are asked (by their doctors) to get screened sooner than 40 but not as frequent. But once you hit 40 you are asked to get them yearly. As you know, I turned 40 recently. I was attempting to put off this lovely procedure. But then my friend Malinda, who postponed her mammogram due in part to insurance, was force to go to the dr due to pain in the breasts and was informed a couple of weeks ago she has breast cancer. She had her mastectomy today. Her experience prompted me to have mine done and it was not fun. I kept telling myself "better to catch it early; better to catch it early; I'm gonna punch this bimbo; it's not her fault she didn't make the machine; better to catch it early." I did get a lovely pamplet out of the visit (smile). If you'd like I'll scan it and post it. Oh and heard that...oh never mind...don't wanna scare you....

And so after the experience and couple tylenols later I wondered why in 26 years the machines had not advanced much. And if we are to be honest here, the "tools" for the southern invasion haven't changed much either (they warm them up now instead of inserting cold). My goodness that's sad...the years that is...that I've experienced 26 years of pap smears!! has come so far but yet we have to stick our ta ta's in this plastic contraption
posing as if we are playing twister (that's what pissed the tech off) to ensure that ONLY one ta ta at time is on the screen? Oh and if you FAT, not only are you playing twister but your oppisite side arm is over here while the hand closet to the ta ta being squished is lifting the other ta ta out of the way. I seriously don't get it. I'm a pretty smart cookie but this has gotten me stumped. Supposedly certain women with higher risk or already diagnosed lump get to have a MRI type screening...why can't all women have that? if an MRI is more detailed why not have everyone do it?

I'm not disgruntle about preventitive medicine and it's procedures...I'm just sayin....

Sunday, July 25, 2010


“what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive” (Sir Walter Scott)

For some reason this quote sticks out with me recently. As I "re-evaluate" my life, where I'm going, where I'd like to go, what I want to happen, what I need to do to make it happen I stumble on the thought that I've been setting goals and not obtaining them. This leads me to ask myself "I'm I REALLY giving an honest effort?" And I must be honest with my response when it comes to weightloss and getting physically in shape. No, I am not giving an honest effort. I'm longing for the days when not much effort was needed to "lose weight". I remember the days of skipping a meal or two to fit into my "fave pair of blue jeans'. And I am stumped as to how to "fix" this problem. I know what I need to do. I have most of the tools to get the job done. But something in the brain is not connecting and I don't know how to get it connected. I AM capable of more. I know I am.

Yesterday I jogged/walked a 5k for Scott AFB Airforce Ball. I came in second to last, beating the gal behind me only by a step (and I think she did that on purpose). Truthfully I was NOT sad for finishing at the back of the pack because I finished. I also shaved 9 mins off my last time doing 3.4 miles (btw their 5k was 3.4 miles not 3.1). It was very warm, very humid, and the crap in the air was causing me grief (folks were mowing their lawns). The only thing that made me sad was that a 60 year old beat me by a long shot.

Because of the heat and such I've decided that unless it's raining, I'm staying inside on the treadmill to do my work outs and long miles. There just doesn't seem to be a good enough allergy med to help me breathe easier outside during work outs. Short trips around the block don't kill me but going anywhere near the trails cloggs me up and gives me a killer headache.

So, here's to a great week for all of us!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Blazing hot...

not me-the weather! Crazy hot even. Zaps all the energy out of me. Top it off I've slept like (insert four letter word) this last week and been overly busy at work. Actually I am very thankful for being overly busy at work; in more ways than one. Anyhow, not only has the weather been crazy hot but storming too. Rains cats and dogs, cooling us momentarly but then hits us right between the eyes with humidity. I don't mind heat but the humidity is knocking me on my (insert four letter word). Today my coworker and I were discussing how much we can't wait for cooler weather, snow even. We are cooler weather outside work out people. We lose weight better (and quicker) in the fall thru spring because we are walking/jogging fools.

Anyhow, my brain is down and out for repair. It should return sometime this weekend and I will have a real post then. I've got a lot to talk about but no energy to share. Have a great Friday!! woohoo for Friday!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Hey, guess what?

I woke up the other day and found out I was NOT FAT!! Sweet!! But I'll get to that later.

On Wednesday I flew out of the Midwest into the gates of hell. Or so I assumed. I assumed right as for the weather (hot as frigging heck here) but the scenery is beautiful and the folks here in the DC area aren't too bad either. I had training on Thursday but Friday and Saturday were mine all mine for sight-seeing.

On Friday I took the bus/metro over from the airport near my hotel. It was a fun start of the experience and the signs said "Welcome to Tori's big adventure". First stop was Arlington Cemetery. Beautiful, awesome, humbling, hot...a mixture of emotions ran through my vains. I walked about 3 miles around Arlington, reading headstones and trying to figure out if I was going to hoof it or metro it to the next stop. I opted for hoofing it. I walked over this bridge (can't remember the name) to Lincoln's Memorial, then to Washington Monument, the White House, the Capitol, and all points in between. I even saw a gal who was on Top Chef doing a demonstration near the Post office square. I walked OVER 10 miles on Friday. My legs felt great after wards but my feet not so much. And I have one blister. That's what I get for listening to my husband when he said to bring the worn in pair of sneakers.

On Saturday I opted to purchase a bus ticket from a sight-seeing tour and ended up only walking about 3 miles (if that) . I had a great time and took in lots of sights on both days. I learned a lot of things both about history and about people. There is a wide array of people coming to DC; some staying some just passing through. I was pleasantly surprised at how nice folks were. I was also surprised at how FAT some people are. I try not to make mention of people and their sizes. Remember the saying "bounces off me and sticks to you" from when you were a kid and said something nasty to someone else? I am a firm believer that those things really happen (what bad thing I say about someone else will stick to me). Anyhow; While there were many fitness enthusiasts running the streets in over 100 degree temps there were just as many overweight and out of shape folks. A few (and I say that lightly) who were TWICE my size who were not walking about like I was. Seeing them was another gentle reminder that I need to be more active and conscientious of what I feed my body, mind, and soul. Despite many of us feeling miserable that day from the heat I was miserable in a happy way. I was cleansing my body!

On Friday I was nervous at first walking around DC. Not for my safety but because of the vending carts that seemed to be on every other corner. They were selling quick easy to make food like hot dogs, chilli dogs, fries, gyros. You get the point. When I'm hot and tired I do NOT want junk or fried food. I want something light and fresh (this tells me I need to be hot and tired on a regular basis). After what seemed like forever I found a food court in hopes of finding something light. Thankfully they had a salad vendor/cafe who also had fruit. I got a chef salad with balsamic vinegar and a side order of watermelon. Most of my trip I was able to make healthy choices.

Well, I gots to go. I have to check out of the hotel and get to the airport. I wanted to share where I was and what I've been doing. I needed this break badly as I was ready to snap. Sadly, I'm not really ready to go home. But home I must go....

Monday, July 12, 2010



It's been a busy, slightly irritating day so far...had to take a minute to talk myself off the ledge. The candy drawer is calling my name...I've had two minnie snickers already...I'm trying to gulp the water to stop wanting the chocolate!!!

Shew...I think the urge has passed. Of course if one more person comes to my desk wanting something I could snap. Since I'll be out Weds-Fri for training I felt the need to stay at my desk during lunch and have a working lunch. Not sure that was a great idea. Sure I've got a lot done but ....

Had a good/ok weekend. Lil man wasn't feeling well and it was a bit too humid for my liking so we stayed in much of the weekend. I did manage to do a 3.36 mile walk on Saturday and my mile times were pretty good (16.36 1st mile, 15.45 2nd, and 16.30 for 3rd). And hubby took me out to lunch for my birthday on Saturday since we didn't go on the actual day. I opted for Fazzoli's. Amazingly I only ate half my lunch and ate the rest for dinner. Guess I was trying to make up for all the cake and other crap I ate. Amazingly (again) I didn't gain any weight this week.

TTYL (talk to you later)....

Oh, wait...before I forget again. To you who may have thought I was scoffing (you know who I am talking to) in a negative way at a 17min mile. I was NOT. 17 min miles are nothing to sneeze about. 20 min miles are nothing to sneeze about. I don't care how long it takes someone to do a mile because they are MOVING!! Getting the blood flowing is a good thing, which we should all aim for (the moving part). With that said, I am a competitor (shhhhh don't tell) and most times I go out for a walk I go with the intention of beating my previous time. Like tonight when I get on the treadmill (lets face it-I hate humidity and it's cooler inside; I'd rather walk in the snow) I hope to have a 16 min mile. My goal is 12 min miles. Which yes, requires me to jog faster!! :O)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Yes, I will have my cake and eat it too!!

I am so not going to lie. I ate tons of junk today. I had watermelon, chocolate chip bagel with cream cheese, cheesecake, veggies, Pappys (pulled pork), applesause, cheesecake, captain d's fish (w/corn and mac n cheese), and a huge piece of birthday cake. Oh and a regular soda because the diet soda spout was on the fritz. I ate so much by mid day that I thought I was going to throw up (before noon I had had everything up to the applesauce plus coffee and water). I've not eaten this much in I don't know how long. I kept saying "I can't just waste it...besides it's my BIRTHDAY!!" I can only imagine how many calories I've consumed (and will continue to consume until the cake is gone). I shouldn't have consumed so much and I can give you all sorts of reasons/excuses as to why I did.

Tim says I should take the cake in and share with work but I don't want to. It's MY CAKE; why should I share?? It's chocolate with whipped icing. And my hubby got it for me. I wonder how I got so lucky (mainly with him). I've never been a "lucky" person. Blessed yes, lucky no.

I had such a wonderful day and I'm glad to be forty.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Just so you know...

I did NOT get this way over night. None of this snuck up on me; I did NOT wake up one day and say “I want to be overweight, out of shape, crabby, emotional, whatever…” (Ok, so maybe ONE day I did say I wanted to be fat so that the male species would leave me alone because their attention was not flattering-but only once I swear! And since I did not get this way over night I NEED to REMEMBER (write myself a note even) that it’s going to take time to be healthier, more active, less crabby, etc etc. I’m passed the quick fixes and ready for the positive permanent changes.

I have been doing exceptionally with my eating. I slipped one time over the last 3 weeks (stupid lays bbq chips!!) which is an incredible feat for me. I haven’t deprived myself of ANYTHING (including chocolate ding dongs and ice cream). I’ve been able to control the quantity (until the stupid bleeping chips Sunday night!!). No inhaling of the food for me (until the chips on Friday sign) and I’m thoroughly enjoying the fruits of summer. I bought a watermelon yesterday and it's already half gone.

Last night, after reading some blogs, I jumped on my treadmill. I was encouraged and inspired. I told myself it was ok, that I could do it (all by myself) and told myself to do just one mile alternating between jogging and walking (one minute each). And I did it. I know…it isn’t much. It took me 17 mins. But it’s my step in the right direction and I totally felt great afterwards. MY direction; that has a nice ring to it. You see, I realized yesterday that I’ve been using my reality friends as a crutch. When asked about my walking/half marathon I’ve been encouraging my friends to join me on my journey and get fit with me. I know they want to get fit just like me, they're excited...but there’s a problem. We’re doing this at their pace and I find myself “waiting” for them to want to get moving. I find myself easily distracted and removed from the true task at hand; changing my life for the positive which includes losing weight and getting fit. I’m so not pushing myself when I . And it stopped yesterday. I will not give up walking with friends BUT have to devise a new plan. I jogged/walk again today; 1 min 30 sec jog/1 min 30sec walk. Not sure what tomorrow brings...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

"I'm Going Places" too...

Where I'm not completely sure! Sweet Teresa @ passed along the "I'm Going Places" award to me. This award instructs that I share with all of you where I plan on being in 10 years then pass the award to 10 other bloggers! Thank you Teresa!!!
First off, I encourage all of you who have not visited her blog to do so; A breathe of fresh air in this very fast paced world!

Secondly, It has taken me days to ponder this and come up with some honest answers. I've never really been one to plan THAT far out in advance. Even when I was younger I didn't have any plans for what I would do "when I grew up" or plans on how I would go about it. I had pipe dreams as I call them but no written road map to get there. I've never really been a planner if we are to be honest...but I do LOVE lists!!

So, to the question at hand; where will I be in 10 years? Well for starters I will have:

  • at least 2/3 rds for my house paid off and all my student loans completely paid off.
  • run a complete half marathon, if not a full marathon.
  • lost my 60 extra pounds and maintained the loss
  • celebrated my 15th wedding anniversay
  • vacationed at Cardinals spring training in Juniper FL
  • vacationed in Ireland
  • gotten to a point in my life where my insecurties no longer hold me back
So, Genie ( , Sam (, Mom to the Fourth Power (, Deb (, Julie (, Sarah (, Tricia ( and Holly-if you're still out there!! ( here is your "I'm Going Places" award-where will you be in 10 years?