Monday, June 8, 2015

Enjoying the process...even two and a half months later with a few "no go's"

Choosing happy is getting easier...sometimes a bit trying (like when my allergies are kickin my butt) but still easier.  

The "happy" feeling (which is hard to describe) fills me with hope, courage, and abundance.  I love catching myself smiling (and thinking "this feeling is great!"). On days that I find myself heading down the wrong path, I need only to look at my wrist and read my bracelets (one says "smile" and the other says "do one thing every day that makes YOU happy"). Each night I say my prayers and thank God for all the things I have, the choices I am able to make, and the people in my life. It really is "all about choices". I'm truly grateful.

I've had to step back from a few negative Nancy's; come to the conclusion that I have previously chosen to be a self sacrificer; and routinely remind myself that I do NOT have to control everything because it is impossible to control anything.  Learning to be a "go with the flow" person is hard but for me necessary.  I don't need to have five plans (a,b,c,d,e); a simple idea of what I want to accomplish is suitable.  The last two and half months I've accepted a lot about myself and I'm ok.  I've always known I am a Type A person. People have tried subconsciously to make me feel wrong for being Type A.  But I will no longer feel guilty for being "Totally Type A' (because seriously, without Type A people how would ANYTHING get done?).  I am learning to accept that not everyone is like me, thinks like me, sees the urgency in getting things done like me.  I have learned that I being a self sacrificer is thankless and disheartening. Two feelings I don't like feeling and refuse to feel anymore (I will no longer be a self sacrificer-any decisions I make are for me alone).  To be quite honest, other than the self sacrificing and always being emotionally charged bit of Type A, I love being a Type A. I love being/feeling organized. I love having lists/goals (I just have to cut myself slack if I don't obtain something on the list/goals). I love decisions/choices (I just don't love ALWAYS being the one to make the decisions and then having someone else say "It wasn't my decision-it was all you!").

Life is good. I have everything I need. I am happy with who I am and who I am becoming.