Saturday, November 22, 2014

still alive and kicking

It's been a long time since I've felt like writing down my thoughts.  Of course truth be told the only reason I am writing now is because I'm bored, watching a hallmark movie, no one is up on facebook to talk to, and I'm acting like a teenager not wanting to go to bed like a normal human being. Yes, in that order.

The past few months have been filled with weekend trips up to my (step) mom's house, making new friends, going to concerts, reconnecting with not only with old friends but with myself, and attempting to get better familiar with AdvoCare so that I can build my nest egg (LOL after I pay off my credit card bills, help put new siding on the house, and buy a new car). And I have dabbled with getting my feet back on the ground running.  But that isn't really working out. I just can't seem to get un lazy.

I did manage to talk my crazy new pal into adventure racing. She is a total hoot to hang with-almost like we've been friends forever.  I've known of her for a few years (she grooms my pups) but shortly after pops passed she invited me to go to a Bret Michaels concert with her and her friend Aimee. I know right!? Bret Michaels. I almost passed (like I typically do-making friends is hard; I can be so insecure and letting new people in only to be let down totally sucks even at 44) on the concert but then something clicked and I went. AWESOME time. Who knew that Bret still puts on killer concerts. Anyhow, then we went to Alice Cooper/Motley Crue, then to Def Lepard/Kiss.  Pretty good summer..."Sisterhood of the traveling Groupies" as Aimee dubbed us. ANYHOW-it's nice to hang with folks my age, that get me and share similar interests.  She took up biking this year and I even went on a few rides with her.  And since she's crazy like me I knew she would be game for something new and adventurous. If nothing else the Adventure Race is sure to provide us with years of laughter!!

Through out all of this the Hubs has been pretty wonderful. And he has decided to quit work and go back to school full time.  I'm pretty excited, mainly for purely selfish reasons. Sure I"m astatic that he is FINALLY going back to finish what he was so close to achieving so that he can "get that job he really wants but can't get because he doesn't have a degree". I want him to be happy and if getting this degree will open a door to job that he really wants and would be great at I'm all for it.  He's incredibly smart, dedicated, hard working that he deserves to be happy.  But I'm also hoping that this means I'll get some more home cooked meals.  I got so spoiled the few months he was first retired from the Navy.  I'd get home from work and he would have dinner almost ready to serve, house was cleaned, laundry done, etc etc.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Still no unicorns or rainbows...

I am often consumed with "what if"; "I'm not doing enough"; "I must pray harder/better/more consistently". It's pretty exhausting. I can't change the past; only work towards a happier future. But even that is daunting. We don't really have any control over things, we can only do the best that we can.  But how do we know we are doing the best that we can? Who tells us? Does it really matter (I mean seriously, if we have no control over outcomes) if we are doing our best. 

There is a saying going around that "we can only do what we can do". Sometimes this feels like being a sell out; sometimes it's a means to survival. A lot of times at work I'm in survival mode. I work for the government and we ALL know how the government works: slow and not always making sense. You do what your told and the rules/guidelines change just as soon as you've drilled the "old" change into your head.  

Maybe life is about survival and doing what you can, when you can.  I do understand that in order to succeed you must learn from your mistakes and let go of the past. I'm pretty good at learning from my mistakes (except when it comes to bad eating habits) but the letting go of the past is a double edge sword.  There are some things in the past that are hard to let go (negative feedback from those of who are tasked with teaching/molding your lil ole brain); some things slip away so easily (my mothers laugh/talk). I didn't want to forget my moms voice but I am grateful that I can still see her smile in my mind. I wish I could talk to her, ask her silly lil questions like "was marriage all you had hoped?" "Would you have changed anything?" "How am I doing? Did I turn out like you had hoped?" Mom didn't get to see me marry; she didn't get to see her son marry; she didn't get to see (or hold) her grandbabies. Folks (sometimes even me) like to say that our loved ones in heaven are always keeping an eye on us. But what if she's busy? We really have NO idea what heaven is like and what they do there. Or do we? Did I miss the memo? Did I fall asleep during that sermon?

I had a dream the other week that I was in a dark, empty house. I was talking to someone and remember hearing "your dad went to live with your mom." I took that to mean that dad is ok and has met up with mom in heaven....sure did take him long enough!! :O) Almost 4 months after he passed and I have the dream that he's there. I wonder if he was in a holding area answering questions? Like an intake interview...

I think of my dad often. Many times I'll hear a song and say "hey dad, how are you?"...there's no sadness really when I think or talk to dad. Before he passed we were able to mend our fences and enjoy our time together. LOL many times he'd laugh and say "the apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree" after I'd respond to something or I'd do something that is "so him".  We are very much a like and I wouldn't change it. But mom's departure, I wasn't so lucky. So many things left unsaid, so many things not yet learned. A promise I was unable to keep for her. A promise I didn't know how to fulfill for her.

Still no unicorns and rainbows...

Monday, August 4, 2014

Not all Unicorns and Rainbows

Some days are just easier than others.  I kind of hate that expression though...why can't they all be a lil easier!? Why does "everything" have to be such a challenge? I know no one said it would be easy but I don't recall anyone EVER saying it would be so challenging. 

I've REALLY been struggling with my mood lately.  Well, If I want to be truthful, I've always struggled with my moods; it's only been lately that I've been making a conscious effort to curb any moody outbursts (ie spewing profanity because "things" aren't going how "I" think they should).  Some of curbing it (moodiness) IS mind over matter but I'm noticing that some of the moodiness is an undefinable sadness. Life happens. We all experience "sad" (sometimes down right gut wrenching) events. But how we each bounce back, or in what amount of time, is sometimes different. And that kind of frustrates me. Right now I have a few folks close to me going through the "grieving" process.  Rightfully so of course; losing a spouse is life changing.  So is losing a father and someone who was like a brother to you. But I have to remember "this" (grieving?) isn't a tit for tat. I also have to remember that they need to grieve and on their terms.  But some of the things being done during their grieving process is hurting my heart. And I struggle cuz I don't know what God wants me to learn from this. Surely they realize that I'm grieving too. Surely they too understand that I've lost two loved ones in less than 6 months. But again; we all grieve differently.

I know when my mom died it took a LONG time for me to get my head out of my ass and focus on "Life". I'm not even sure when I started removing my head from my ass but I do remember the 1st two years were the pure hell.  When Scott died in November I was angry.  Scott was like a brother to me; even helped teach me how to drive. He was a family friend and was one of the first to extend his support when we found out dad was sick.  But he himself was struggling with issues, didn't heed my warnings, and ultimately has put his wife under unjustified stress/pain.  I LOVE his wife and have tried to support her best I can.  I try and cut her some slack because of how I was after my mom died but I'm struggling because she just doesn't get it that his death was NOT her fault.  

It's so sad when we take it upon ourselves to hold ourselves accountable for someone else's actions.  If I've learned nothing else in the last year I have learned that life is short. Forgive yourself of YOUR errors; apologize to others if necessary; move on. I can NOT afford to hold myself accountable for someone else's actions.  I make enough of my own mistakes I don't need to harbor someone else's mistakes too! And no matter how challenging life can be, I want to LIVE. I want to experience happy events. I want to dream and expand my horizons.  I know that what lies ahead isn't all "unicorns and rainbows" but neither was the past and I survived just fine!

Monday, July 14, 2014

Go forth and be B.R.A.Z.E.N

Changes are continuously in the air. It’s inevitable (like death and taxes).  I had my share of "inevitable" last year and I’m ready to "get ta steppin".  Thankfully from those inevitable and incredibly painful changes I have gained confidence, felt peace, and found a renewed spirit for living brazenly.  I’m inspired to dream again and set goals towards my desires.  I’m also feeling incredibly grateful.  Isn’t it funny that when you are ready embrace the future, ready to take charge, that “things” start making sense and life finally "happens".  Funny and refreshing!

A current blog I read is Carla Birnberg-Unapologetically me has routinely written about changes and taking charge and living brazenly.  In her most recent post she talks about the definition of B.R.A.Z.E.N. (her new acronym).  If you go here  you can see what BEING Brazen means to Carla (& draw your own conclusion as to what your “living BRAZENly” is).  Her definition is incredible actually.  And since it embodies much of my “life mission” I’m just going to run with it (although I will admit that “flying my freak flag” scares the shit out of me) and use it as my daily reminder.  IMO, Why reinvent the wheel if someone else’s wheel fits (and they don’t mind you borrowing their wheel)?

If I’ve learned NOTHING else from this last year I did learn that I HAVE to put myself first (no one else will) and that I’m not being selfish for doing so. I have needs/desires/dreams too.  Putting myself first doesn't mean that I'm not "going to be there" for my friends/loved ones/community; just means that I will sometimes have to say "no, not this time".

So here is to living life brazenly...

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Top 20 things I’ve learned (or that has sunk in) since my last birthday

1)      Life is short AND precious. Make each moment count
2)      You REALLY are the company you keep (thanks dad)
3)      I’m ok not being perfect 
4)      I can only do what I can do (not what someone else can do or has done or wants me to do)
5)      This life really isn’t about me (it’s about what I can do for others to make OUR existance a lil less painful)
6)      I have choices regardless of how much I like or dislike those choices 
7)      That I don’t have to answer a text/email/phone call RIGHT THIS MINUTE
8)      That sometimes “it” just doesn’t matter
9)      That I don’t care that it’s “not your monkey, not your circus” 
10)   That the heart still hurts when someone dies no matter how many loved ones have passed previously or that death is inevitable 
11)   That while I LOVE to make lists, I don’t always like to check things off those lists
12)   That the “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” (and it ain’t all bad!)
13)   That sometimes all I got is FAITH and that sometimes I need to have faith for others as well
14)   That prayer really does work (so be careful what you pray for!)
15)   That I’ve forgotten how to dream 
16)   That tomorrow doesn’t have to be scary
17)   That forgiving isn’t always easy but it is necessary (more for you the forgiver than the one you are to forgive)
18)   Just because I’ve “screwed up” previously doesn’t make me a bad or stupid person. Just means I’m human
19)   That when I’m “feeling crazy”…it might NOT be me! Might actually be someone else that’s crazy trying to make me feel crazy
20)   That I’m allowed to have the feelings I have about things (I think it’s called “being an individual”) and I don’t owe anyone an apology because of it

Friday, April 11, 2014

Thankful for the time....

It's been a challenging year to say the least.  I'm not really complaining-I'm thankful for the time given;  but there's an emptiness that's not likely to fill anytime soon. I've grown tremendously as a person but I almost feel like the cost of learning those invaluable lessons was a bit too much.  But then again, ultimately God (Jesus) is the one who paid the biggest (?) price for lessons to be learned. BTW,  Please excuse grammatical errors, one part of my brain is trying to get my thoughts out onto the screen while the other is saying "ummm is that the right punctuation? (thank heavens for spell check though!!)"

Anyhow...this round of learning/growing started last May when pops was diagnosed with Stage 4 liver cancer. Even without "cancer" we all know our time will come when we leave this earth but add "cancer" to the equation and IMO, time is limited; very limited.  This is not my first rodeo going down the cancer road (mom passed in 1995 after a SHORT bought with Uterine Cancer) but dad was optimistic that he had "time" to do a few things that still needed being done. Only he knows if he got everything done he wanted to get done. I suspect that there is one thing he didn't get done.

I'm confident that I did everything that I could to make this last year the best I could for him. In the beginning I drove up to see him every other weekend.  I was mindful of my limitations (taking a short "break" from driving at the beginning of the year to recharge my batteries) but during that time I called him and emailed when he was able to get to the computer. If he wanted Tasty Kakes; he got Tasty Kakes. He wanted Lego's for Christmas; he got Lego's for Christmas. He wanted to see his son in law (who due to illness cannot travel well); he saw his son in law for Thanksgiving. Every three day weekend I had off from work (except for MLK) we went to the casino because that made him happy (took his mind off the cancer). I honestly haven't done this much driving since I was a young adult....well worth it though.

March 14th was his 69th birthday. The weeks before had been rough on him.  His chemo treatment had been changed sometime in Jan (because his cancer had responded nicely to the previous and he was on "maintenance" chemo).  He was starting to sleep a lot and just NOT feeling "it". On a Monday of our three day weekend together I got to visit the doctor with them and we found out his BP was REALLY low and he was dehydrated.  Mom (step but I call her mom) and I suspected he was dehydrated but had no clue about the BP.  The DR told him to stop taking his BP meds.  I remember that Monday well, there was a snow storm brewing.  The three weeks that followed that visit seemed to be a bit better and so for his birthday we went to the casino. Despite having to use a wheel chair he seemed to have had a good time....

anyhow (again)...pops passed away April 2nd. I was able to stay with him the night of the 1st, all day the 2nd, and tell him how much I loved and respected him as he took his final breathe that night.  I will never regret being in the room as he left the physical world. Whether or not it makes a difference to a persons soul as they leave for a better place, it makes a difference to me and I could NOT let him go without someone he loved from the physical world being there. Mom hated that she couldn't be there but she just couldn't let him go....her soulmate; her "everything".  That is probably the hardest part of all this for me.  Not once, but twice, in the last year two people I love lost their soulmate; their "everything".  I can't even imagine.  I don't even want to imagine even though I know a time will come when I could be in their shoes. Breaks my heart; leaves a hole that may not ever fill. Please don't misunderstand-I LOVE my father (the apple didn't fall from the tree). We are so alike in so many ways (and not all bad ha ha ha) but my love is much different than the spousal love.  Besides--I had him for 43 years where as my mom only had him for 18 ish.

I'm thankful for the time I had....and I'm thankful for the memories and lessons learn.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

The real reason I like to work out and day 3 of 30 days 30 mins 3 goals

Ok...time for me to come clean.  The real reason I like to work out, I mean getting healthier and feeling better physically is a GREAT perk, but the real reason I like to work out is....I get to listen to my music and day dream about making it on the Voice.  I KNOW how silly that is BUT working out is really the ONLY time I get for ME. I can't talk to anyone on the phone (because it's in my purse), I can't walk the dogs (cuz they're at home) and I've come to realize/accept that hubs will be perfectly fine two nights a week with me bringing dinner home at 645.  It's kind of funny...but for right now I don't even CARE that I'm not being overly ambitious (ie pushing myself harder to go further and faster) because I'm totally diggin the toons.  and TODAY, today I branched out to not only listening to my toons but READING while listening and walking. I'm so friggin AMAZING! :O)

30 mins moderate physical activing-check.  31 mins on the treadmill; 3.2 mph; 2% incline

30 mins reading-check. 31 mins reading There's More to Life Than This (Theresa Caputo book) while on the treadmill.

30 mins meaningful writing/prayer/meditation-uncheck. I've only gotten 5mins in....still time before bed though....and I got to look up a scripture I saw earlier on 300poundsdown


Wednesday, March 5, 2014

30 days, 30 mins, 3 goals-day 2 2 not so spectacular for achieving 30 mins at each goal.  But it's totally fine with me because I'm happy that I did a lil of each.

1) 30 mins moderate physical activity.  I managed to due 10 minutes.  I would LOVE to count dog walking (which I did two 30 min sessions) but they're pugs and don't walk real fast unless they see a squirrel or cat. Or another dog!

2) 30 mins reading.  I read 20 mins at my lunch which I TOTALLY loved. It was a nice break for the middle of the day.  I did spend about 20 mins reading blogs but the deal is 30 minutes straight.

3) 30 mins mindful writing/prayer/metitation.  this is the one I REALLY need to work harder at.  I only got 10 mins in today for this goal. but again, the quality of what I got in the 10 mins is PRICELESS!!  


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

30 days, 30 mins, 3 challenges

Holly over at 300 Pounds Down created her own "challenge"  (for a lack of better words) where she is working on x-number of small goals, for 30 mins a day, for 30 days.  I find it intriguing and thought that I would start a lil smaller (I think she is working on 5 things). I'm hoping that after 30 days at least one of the 3 goals will become a permanent/routine habit.

MY goals/challenges:

1)  30 minutes of moderate physical activity.  Walking, jogging, running, biking and or housework (yes housework-have you run a vacuum cleaner in a 1300 sq ft house? how about washed 9 windows (inside/outside)? how about the bathroom...I mean really CLEANED the bathroom?).

2)  30 minutes reading (non fiction, fiction, self help etc etc)-nothing special, just want to read to expand my mental horizons.

3)  30 minutes mindful writing, prayer, meditation.  Hard to explain this one but I'd like to explore my spirituality, I'd like to write more personal prayers (write more period LOL), and learn how to quiet my brain.  Sometimes I feel like the noise in my head NEVER shuts off...the only time it has gotten quiet has been when I've searched for special prayers for what's heavy on my heart at the moment. I feel like if I could meditate properly I could focus better on other goals (ie running, my job).

Today I haven't YET met my goals.  I biked for 20 mins today and haven't read more than a new article online about a rude woman who left a note under another hotel guests door blasting them for their baby's overnight crying.

But I'm not's day one, I still have an hour left, and progress is progress! 

Thursday, February 27, 2014


I've read a couple of great posts this morning and I'm starting feel a lil better mentally.  This morning I weighed myself, as I often do in the morning, to see that the scale really isn't moving.  There are 11 days left at my Dietbet and I'm no longer confident that I will lose my 4% to "win" (which is a sour reminder that this would be the third FAILED Dietbet).  Then I started reading a post by Shut Up and Run where she mentions "Only you know if you are doing your best...".  This ALL bummed me out because quite frankly, while I am doing better at "life", I'm not doing my best. I'm watching what I eat but I'm still eating too much of the bad foods.  I'm exercising more but I'm not pushing myself like I know I could. I’m aware of life but still spend a lot of time on the sidelines.  And so the tone for the day was set because I labeled myself as a failure because “once again I talk a good game but have not follow thru.”

At my break time I checked my Facebook page to vent.  While there an interesting blurb caught my eye.  You see, I follow A Gusty Girl Health Coach on both Facebook and Twitter (@sarahkayhoffman on twitter).  She appears to be a sweet, intelligent, health conscious individual—some things that I am and some things that I aspire to be in my life.  Anyhow, she posted a link to a WONDERFUL blog post discussing labeling and what a disservice it is to us as independent individuals. Go to Lift Like a Girl for the entire blog post but the gist of it is, stop using other peoples labels as your own.  Nia Shanks writes “embrace your own labels” and “Make sure you embrace labels that help you become the most awesome version of yourself.”

Embrace my AWESEOMENESS!! Which is truly what (one small step at a time) I’ve been working on doing with my life. Because I feel I am different from others.  But like many others I am quick to judge and place a standard label on something/one….especially on myself….probably because it’s so easy to do…possibly because it was how I was trained. Time for a retrain!!

A few questions regarding weight issues (using the learner questions as shown in Change Your Question, Change Your Life by Marilee Adams):

            Why do I want to exercise more? (because I LOVE how I feel physically, emotionally, and mentally after doing it)

Why do I want to eat healthier foods and take supplements?  (because I LOVE what they do for my body/mind)

Am I happy trying to achieve a body that someone else says is the standard for me? (No-I’m no, matter of fact it makes me sick)

A few questions I am encouraged to explore regarding my “personality”:

What’s my favorite characteristic about myself?

What strengths do I possess?

What qualities can I embrace and “run with”?
What qualities of mine do I feel need to tweeked?

One thing I can say off the top of my head, that I LOVE about me, is that I’m not afraid to learn, explore, and ask questions. The only answer I am afraid of is the one not given. 

P.S. There is a saying that “the truth hurts”…but the truth doesn’t have to hurt; it could be used as a welcome self-improvement tool!

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Cancer sux, Dietbet, Cabbage soup

Pops's Dr. changed the type of chemo dad gets (because his cancer was responding positively enough to the other chemo he opted for maintenance chemo) and it's Mucking with his blood sugar.  He has three weeks off and one week of taking pills sunday monday and tues.  Dad has diabetes and most of the time manageable (?)...sure it sometimes is higher than it should but a few tweeks of menu and all is good in the world.  Anyhow, Dad was suppose to have a PET scan this past Thursday, as long as his blood sugar was under 200, but because he had to take his chemo pills it wasn't under 200.  Poor thing is so frustrated (and a lil grouchier than normal). And there is nothing any of us can do; except pray.  And I'm so thankful that I'm able to that.  Cuz I ain't got nothin else.

I was told (ever so politely) by my dr that I might want to consider losing a few pounds.  According to his records, In the last year I gained 8 pounds.  According to my records in the last two and half years I've gain 50lbs. Yes, you read that right...50lbs.  Even before my Jan 20th appointment I knew that this was the year I would put forth an effort to get back into shape, eat healthier, and shed the lbs I gained back. So I've been going to the Y a few days a week...and making my lunches....I even made my "famous" cabbage soups today for my lunches this week...and I joined a dietbet hosted by one of my bloggie buddies SuperKate . It starts tomorrow but I weighed in today.  I have to lose 4% of my weight which is 8.6 lbs. I THINK I have 28 days to do this.  And I'm gonna rock it!! cuz if I don't I'm deleting this blog and putting my head in the sand!

Have a great week.....

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Growth is a day to day process....

So far the year is going least I have no real complaints. Unless I'm referring to work....but we won't go into that because my focus is on being more grounded, making more time for family/me, and "letting go" of "Things". Oh and getting out of my comfort zone.

Jan 1st I sold the treadmill, on Jan 14th I joined the Y (& have been going every Tues/Thurs), and have tried to put more focus on me (ie having a more positive disposition; finding my purpose;blah blah blah).  Some moments it feels selfish to focus on my needs but I remind myself that I'm really of no use to anyone if I can't find my "happy" (besides who wants to be around a grumpy pants!). This doesn't mean that I am ignoring anyone; just means that I'm first as well as not saying yes to everything.  In the back of my mind is still what to do/not do as it pertains to community service/volunteer work but I haven't forced myself to make a decision.  I enjoy most of the other folks that volunteer at CC, enjoy that it's something Tim and I can do as a couple, the money raised is put to good use but truthfully-I HATE how unorganized some events seem. Things not ready, too many chiefs not enough indians.... and I mainly HATE that it's strictly about their charitible organization and never about another charitble event that they might be able to help with. I've played devils advocate many times as to why they can't give of themselves to other events in the area (I can only imagine how many requests they get for money or tickets) BUT they feel it's ok to send an email out requesting  CC volunteers to a players charity event that none of the proceeds go to CC but tell me "we can't send an email out for your event because it has nothing to do with CC" I get a lil irritated. I'm sure I'm over reacting (all volunteer organizations have issues) BUT these volunteer activities have caused me some anxiety in the past and I really need me to answer the question "is this something I really want to do?" "Why do I want to do it?" "What is it that I am looking for when volunteering?"

Anyhow I am feeling pretty good about how things are moving this year.  But I do wish I could figure out how to not "spaz out" so easily. My expectations of things often do NOT match the outcome.  Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised but that really is a rarity. I find that those times that I am pleasantly surprised is because I didn't "dwell" on "anything"....aka I didn't have any expectations on how the outcome would be. I just did what needed to be done.

I wonder if there is a book on how to be more of a "go with the flow" kind of person?

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Small victory

I didn't make it to the work out class (got out of work late) BUT I did make it to they Y today and I walked on the treadmill so that's a small victory for me.  I'd show you my id card but ipad and posting pictures isn't agreeing...

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Incorporating "20 Things Mentally Strong People DON'T Do'...

The recent death of Scotty has opened my eyes to some things that I inadvertently "turned a cheek to".  While trying to be a supportive friend/sister to his wife (she is like a lil sister to me) I realized that I didn't let myself heal properly after my mother died. I was 25, had never experienced death (I didn't know my grandparents), and didn't know of resources available for grieving.  I dealt with her death in a very destructive, rash way.  I'm VERY thankful that she is seeking guidance that I never sought, looking for positive changes for a happier future, and blessed that she is sharing her journey with me.

Fast forward to yesterday when someone from my Advocare group posted the article "20 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do" on Facebook (full/detailed article here).  I read the article and thought about sis and I's conversations.  Long story short is that I realize that I have dwelled too long in the past, I often refuse to remove myself from my comfort zone, constantly think of how I or something I want to do will fail (without even trying), and give into my fears (to name a few LOL).  Don't get me wrong, I haven't spent all of the last 18 yrs this way BUT more often than not I have.  Closing myself off to the real world is/was easy and a lot less painful.  If  you don't put yourself out there you can't get hurt.  Of course being this way I've probably missed out on some good times.

Anyhow, I thought I would work this article into my life.  While I DON'T consider myself mentally weak, I do KNOW that there is room for improvement.  I'm almost always open to learning and in recent years I have occasionally put into work what I've learned (I've certainly become more patient/understanding). :O) The Advocare guy posted it so that folks would use it as a resource to become a "Champion within Advocare"....and I want to be a champion in life, not just Advocare.

So I am sure that you went and checked out the article and that you'll help me with the list.  Of the list of 20 things I am going to focus on #1 (Dwell on the past), #2 (Remain in comfort zone), #6 (letting others make decisions for me),  and #17 (giving into fears) first.  I chose these four because I feel that of the list of things these are my "worst" mental offenders.

The first item I am going to tackle is #2, comfort zone.  I hate public exercise classes. I'm not real keen on overly happy, smiling, chipper people (sorry LOL-I think it's because happy doesn't yet come naturally to me). My neighbor (who almost always seems happy, smiley, perky) teaches a 25 min "Core and more" at the YMCA on Tues/Thurs. So Tuesday night I'll be heading over to the YMCA to participate in her class. I might even stand in the middle of the class verse the back of the class!!


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Things to consider for 2014

We are already a week into 2014...seems kind of longer but I'm getting older so my perception of time sux.  I've NEVER been big on "resolutions" but I do believe in establishing a set goals for the year.

1.  stay grounded. Shit happens but if I can stay grounded and focused on the present (& what makes me happy, living healthy) maybe getting to a desired result will be "more attainable" (ie run more, lose weight, avoid injury)? (I didn't just state an oxy moron did I?)

2. Let go of what I "thought" I should be.  Things have happened for a reason and I couldn't always control the things that happened; especially the bad.  Bad things happen to good people-that's life.

3.  set aside time for me to explore my needs via exercise, creative outlets (photography), spiritual development.

4.  Continue to make time for family. Dad is responding to the chemo so I can cut back on driving up every weekend/every other weekend (talk about burn out)...once a month for 3 days should suffice for now.  

This isn't my whole list but the more mentally challenging.  I read somewhere that you should be "specific" on ones goals so I have to work more on the specifics of what I want physically.


Thursday, January 2, 2014

One foot in front of the other

Still haven't commited to what to do....thought I knew what to do until I realized that it was too much out of pocket right off the cuff (to get the best deal) and that if I was going to do a monthly fee I may as well go to the YMCA where I prefer (plus I KNOW their charges up front, it doesn't change on a whim AND they don't make you sign a yearly contract) eventually I will make my way to the YMCA to sign up for a membership but I haven't decided when. I'm not going to sign up for WW or the class cuz truth be told (again?) I know what I am suppose to be eating and how much I should eat and that writing it down sometimes the way I sold my treadmill so I can no longer consider using it. As if I really would. I wasn't using it (used it a handful of times) and it was a daily reminder that I had once again not followed through with my "very good" intentions.

Which brings me to a topic of "commitment" phobia...which I seem to have...which I guess is my way of not making myself hold myself accountable (say that five times fast). Sometimes I just dont' get myself....I'm pretty smart...most of the time..... :O)