Monday, March 29, 2010

When Emotions run amuck...

So much on my mind-so hard to put into write-able words. I've really been struggling emotionally lately and I'm not sure why. Nothing I do seems to work "right" (aka the way I would hope them to). I've been struggling greatly with being very irritable. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. I have had so much of it lately and I don't have a logical reason. There are some moments that I swear I must be going through menopause (supposedly, that isn't it). I've had tests done in hopes of finding an explanation only to find out that I have a "slight vitamin d deficiency" (which they told me was not that big of a deficiency so that couldn't quite possibly be why I was feeling the way I was feeling). I have a real good life, I've accomplished a lot, I have a lot of people who love me. Why? What do I do (or what did I do to deserve these emotions)? I admit that I haven't always had a good life but that was years ago; the past is the past, right? and besides, it's obvious that I survived...

And as I struggle with these (and other emotions) I struggle with my weight. I struggle with working out. It seems like a constant f'ing battle. I've been working out regularly since January 2010. By regular I mean 4 to 5 days a week, over my "regular" walking (aka walking the dog or getting away from my desk). I have been "watching" what I eat, incorporating more veggies and fruits. I've been taking supplements to help with the "slight vitamin d deficiency". Granted I have not been "boot camp" strict about food but I feel that I have been honest about the process. To date, I have NOT lost any weight. NONE. Zilch. Nada. I'll loose a few pounds, gain them back. Thankfully my clothes are fitting better so what I've done this far has not been a total waste.'s (the not losing any weight) making it a real chore to get moving. Some days the only reason I move is because my bones feel better...

So, how do I change my brain waves? How do I learn to enjoy exercising? I want to love to jog....I want to enjoy being fit....HELP!!!! :O)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Yogurt time

This is just a quick post...I've got nothing really to report; it's been a "week". You know the kind that nothing really "feels" right, not even your attitude! I've been really crabby. My extra weight is not coming off, my feet and lower back had been hurting (until today) from my 12 mile walk (that I had originally thought was only 11), and my mood was just in the toliet. The highlight of my week is coming home and being with my family. Especially my pug, Fredbird, who loves all things I do.

He loves long walks
(that's him in the lower right corner)

laying about

and eating yogurt.

He is like a clock and knows exactly when it's time for his walk or treat. He makes life a lot sweeter and easier to handle!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Recap of last week in it’s entirety. I did pretty good with last weeks “schedule” of activities. I only thing I changed was Thursday and Friday (the weather was too nice to stay in). The only thing I didn’t stick to was evening walks….very hard to do when you have people vying for your attention. And let me be truly honest..I just get so danged lazy because “I’m so drained from work!” Yes, an excuse. I’ll work on it.

Biggest accomplishment last week was the 11 mile walk I did. I struggled with this walk and feel like I had everything working against me. I forgot to eat my banana before hand and take some ib profin. Would these two things have made a difference in my time-I don’t know-BUT I feel it made a difference how my body was feeling/reacting. I also wonder how much of an impact of only having two pb&j’s for dinner Saturday night had on how I felt. I did have my bowl of Special K two hrs before my walk…and thank heavens for the fiber plus bar in my fanny pack at mile 9.5. I was STARVING. I had a hard time getting “into” the walk and it took me 3 ½ hours to complete. I paused a few times to take care of minor inconveniences (toe nail digging into next toe) or just for the mere fact that I could stop. I’m trying to learn as I go…but I don’t know what to do about my foot pain (the pads (is this the right name? the things below my toes) of my feet hurt). It was like I had been wearing heals for a few hours too long. By mile 10.5 I was barely moving because my feet hurt that bad!

This weeks goals are going to stay the same…although I might switch up Tuesday/Thursday. I have 20 days until the ½ Marathon and may want to keep it consistent. Then again, I’m not a trainer or work out guru so maybe it should be different??

Friday, March 19, 2010

mid week recap...

I'm not going to lie...I've had a pretty outstanding week thus far (despite being crabby as all get out!!). I am down four pounds and have done some form of exercise each day. Today instead of staying inside at the gym, my pal and I are going to walk around St. Louis again-between 3 and 4 miles (haven't decided).

Tomorrow is scheduled as my day of rest...which I'm kind of looking forward to...but I'm sure I will do something (walking?cleaning house?) to burn some calories! More calories out than in right!!?

Another reason for an outstanding week is because my friend, who has been in the hospital for 21 days, is doing sooo sooo much better. He went to the hospital on Feb 28 because he was still running a fever, severely dehydrated, etc. Thought he just had a "lil bug"...turns out he had H1N1, which turned into severe pnemonia. He has been heavily sedated for much of the time..until which time they took out all his tubes (cuz he no longer needed them-yeay) and took him off the certain sedations. He is awake and smiling, hugging his dad, and trying to crack jokes!! He's got a long way to go but I'm so excited for him, his wife, and family.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Piss poor planning on my part does not constitute an ER on my body's part!

Holy cow!! It’s pretty safe to say I’m crabby as all get out. I feel like a vulture waiting for their prey…ready to strike at a moments notice from out of NO WHERE! Thankfully I can think before I speak; not an easy task but it has gotten easier as I’ve aged. And I’m not quite sure why I’m so crabby considering it isn’t THAT time of month (although I am having a hard time focusing and I’ve been “craving” chocolate). I know I didn’t sleep real well last night but that’s really nothing new. Oh well….I’ll just keep to myself until “it’s all better.”

Re-cap of last week (Mon to Sun). I got to the gym 3 of the 5 week days; nothing on Sat/Sun. My food intake during the week was great considering it was all planned out. Sat/Sun I was on the road so eating was not planned. Only thing good I can say about my food choices for Sat/Sun is that I ate in moderation. The high point of the week was when I jogged for ¾ of a mile WITH OUT stopping. Low point was lack of adequate sleep Sat/Sun. Moral of the week is: planning is everything!

So let me plan ahead for the week and see how that goes. My goals for this week lean towards exercise; I have less than four weeks until my first ½ marathon and I am only up to 8 miles at once. M-F lunches will be spent in the gym. M-W-F I will bike for 45 minutes with minimum of 16 miles to be done. The other 15 minutes in the gym are up in the air (for W-F). I haven’t decided fully what T-Th will be but I do know I want to do a minimum of 10 minutes on the elliptical and jogging on the treadmill (my goal is to work up to 3 miles jogging w/out stop; I just don’t know how long it will take me to get there). 3 of the 5 nights during the work week will be spent walking/biking the neighborhood. Saturday is going to be my “day of rest” and Sunday I will do 11.15 miles walking.

I will tweak this “chart” as I go along. Eventually I would like to get myself up to 30 mins on the elliptical and rest on treadmill. Also, once I am done with the ½ marathon I will be walking outside a few days a week (gotta get my vitamin D). I was able to get and keep myself at the gym today and logged 16.2 miles in the 45 mins.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Blah Blah Blah

So much to say; not enough words to express what I have to say. I have so much on my mind, so many things I’d like to share but never know where to begin. The words always seem to get stuck somewhere between my brain and fingers. And when they don’t get stuck someone always comes along and interrupts me. I have a habit of pausing (obviously too long of a pause) when I am trying to find the right word to say. I wonder if using cb lingo would help to let others know when I’m done with my statement so they can stop interrupting me? Maybe I should end every sentence with “over”? and maybe I should end a conversation with “over and out” to let them know I’m done talking? Hell, I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Last week was a busy, confusing week for me. A very good friend got sick and is hospitalized. Sadly he is in a hospital 2 ½ hrs away and I can’t just “drop in” and check on him like I’d prefer. I did however drop everything and run over there to be with his wife shortly after being hospitalized (for a day) but was called back to work/home. I wish I could have stayed longer but duty calls. And now I sit with my phone stuck to my hand waiting for updates. Talk about feeling totally helpless. Not a damn thing I can do for either them except pray (and ask others to pray) and I’m having issues in that area. I know there is a God (there just has to be-I look around me and see a lot of amazing things-surely an asshole could not have made them!). I know I should go to church. But too many times I’ve gone to church and felt like I was in high school all over again. And honestly; let’s just not go there—I didn’t like high school the first time! And that (the not going to church) makes me feel like I don’t have a right to pray; because I’m not totally walking the walk. No matter how good a person I think I’m being I’m told/implied to that I’m not entitled to very many Godly things because I don’t go to church. Which makes me madder because how can someone be a “true Christian” and say those things?

And that’s my excuse for not behaving myself. I walked/exercised 2 of the last 7 days. I ate whatever I felt like eating. I taunted myself with bad food choices (a large bag of cheeto puffs lasted 1 day)…and sadly I felt little remorse. I did pay for it yesterday and today though. All the processed food is tearing my inside up. And I walked 8 miles after resting 5 days and now have blisters galore on my feet! I will NEVER DO THAT AGAIN (wait 5 days to walk/exercise)!! I started yesterdays walk planning on doing MAYBE 4 miles. But I was enjoying myself so much that I said “eh what the hell”…I’m glad I did but my feet, legs and back aren’t glad! That’s what I get for waiting too long!!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Response to a friends inquiry....

One of fave gal pals (Cari) asked me a great question today and I thought I would share the question with you for your insight on the topic. This journey to a healthier life style for all of us will take tweeking (I assume). What works today may not work tomorrow. What is being implemented (see my response to her question below) may not be at all right for a 40 year old gal (ok, I'm 39 and 3/4ths); although it seems to be making me feel better. What works when you're 40 may not work when your 50. Do you know what I mean?

Her question was: "What program or just what tips are you using to lose weight?"

My response was:

'No real program, just using tips from different programs/guidelines. For me I need/ed to change my mindset....

Since the beginning of the year (and signing up for the half) I continually tell myself "run Forrest run" and "slow and steady wins the race". What I mean by these famous quotes is to just keep going physically, keep it consistent, and watch my portions. The weight won't stay off if I lose it really quick and go back to past eating habits (which are to over indulge and not pay attention to what is going in my mouth).

I plan ahead what I am going to eat during the day and keep it pretty much the same (changing only one variable-which is meat-for lunch). For breakfast I have a bowl of special K strawberry (by 730), yogurt for a snack (900 or 930), lunch about noon, and a snack (fruit natural’s fruit cup) sometime between noon and 4. I came across a recipe for "one dish meals" that have everything my body needs for a healthy lunch meal (meat, pasta, can tomatoes/ff mush soup, & veggie).

For the most part leave dinner as a "freebie" so that I can enjoy dinner with the hubby BUT I do try to skim it back (as in not a full portion). I'll have a half a cup of yogurt with FB around 8pm and I have some candy (yes candy) between dinner and bedtime.

As for exercise-anytime I can walk I do. If I can't walk I do the bike. I've recently started including the elliptical machine during the week. The goal is to do a minimum of 3 miles of some sort of exercise outside of my normal day to day walking. So far I've been successful at this goal average 4 out of 7 days of the week. Saturdays have been the hardest and I'm not sure why (ok I do-laziness).

I still need to work at these but it is getting easier. I've lost about 1 to 1.5 a week (according to the scale). My clothes are fitting nicer and my endurance is up. I won't reach my goal of losing 60 pounds by July 8th BUT I will have a lost a substantial amount of blubber by then.'

BTW: I am just a blogger, not a doctor or any sort of professional. What you read here are my personal experiences and opinions. Of course, always consult your doctor before trying a diet or new workout program.