So much on my mind-so hard to put into write-able words. I've really been struggling emotionally lately and I'm not sure why. Nothing I do seems to work "right" (aka the way I would hope them to). I've been struggling greatly with being very irritable. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. I have had so much of it lately and I don't have a logical reason. There are some moments that I swear I must be going through menopause (supposedly, that isn't it). I've had tests done in hopes of finding an explanation only to find out that I have a "slight vitamin d deficiency" (which they told me was not that big of a deficiency so that couldn't quite possibly be why I was feeling the way I was feeling). I have a real good life, I've accomplished a lot, I have a lot of people who love me. Why? What do I do (or what did I do to deserve these emotions)? I admit that I haven't always had a good life but that was years ago; the past is the past, right? and besides, it's obvious that I survived...
And as I struggle with these (and other emotions) I struggle with my weight. I struggle with working out. It seems like a constant f'ing battle. I've been working out regularly since January 2010. By regular I mean 4 to 5 days a week, over my "regular" walking (aka walking the dog or getting away from my desk). I have been "watching" what I eat, incorporating more veggies and fruits. I've been taking supplements to help with the "slight vitamin d deficiency". Granted I have not been "boot camp" strict about food but I feel that I have been honest about the process. To date, I have NOT lost any weight. NONE. Zilch. Nada. I'll loose a few pounds, gain them back. Thankfully my clothes are fitting better so what I've done this far has not been a total waste. BUT...it's (the not losing any weight) making it a real chore to get moving. Some days the only reason I move is because my bones feel better...
So, how do I change my brain waves? How do I learn to enjoy exercising? I want to love to jog....I want to enjoy being fit....HELP!!!! :O)
It's a process, and I am no good at patience either, but it takes patience.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the irritability, three things (besides PMS, LOL) tend to make me cranky: not enough sunshine, too much caffeine (and I love my caffeine, so this one is rough), and too low calories (under 1200). Sorry you're feeling rough! Hope you get it figured out.
I don't know how I learned to love exercise, I just kept doing it. Then I realized one day that I was looking forward to it, no idea when I turned that corner. Some days I still hate it, but it has turned into my me time and I look forward to it most days. I love the feeling of accomplishment after a good workout. One foot in front of the other, eventually you'll enjoy it! Really! It also helps to try new things, keep looking for something you like to do for exercise. For me it's running. Everyone is different. Sorry for writing a book on your blog, lol. Keep trying, you'll get it.
Thanks!! And I think you're right..it is a process; one that I need to be patient with and remind myself of baby steps. I'll get there...LOL someday!! but at least this journey will be fun...which is huge...and a fun learning experience...
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