When Emotions run amuck...

So much on my mind-so hard to put into write-able words. I've really been struggling emotionally lately and I'm not sure why. Nothing I do seems to work "right" (aka the way I would hope them to). I've been struggling greatly with being very irritable. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. I have had so much of it lately and I don't have a logical reason. There are some moments that I swear I must be going through menopause (supposedly, that isn't it). I've had tests done in hopes of finding an explanation only to find out that I have a "slight vitamin d deficiency" (which they told me was not that big of a deficiency so that couldn't quite possibly be why I was feeling the way I was feeling). I have a real good life, I've accomplished a lot, I have a lot of people who love me. Why? What do I do (or what did I do to deserve these emotions)? I admit that I haven't always had a good life but that was years ago; the past is the past, right? and besides, it's obvious that I survived...

And as I struggle with these (and other emotions) I struggle with my weight. I struggle with working out. It seems like a constant f'ing battle. I've been working out regularly since January 2010. By regular I mean 4 to 5 days a week, over my "regular" walking (aka walking the dog or getting away from my desk). I have been "watching" what I eat, incorporating more veggies and fruits. I've been taking supplements to help with the "slight vitamin d deficiency". Granted I have not been "boot camp" strict about food but I feel that I have been honest about the process. To date, I have NOT lost any weight. NONE. Zilch. Nada. I'll loose a few pounds, gain them back. Thankfully my clothes are fitting better so what I've done this far has not been a total waste. BUT...it's (the not losing any weight) making it a real chore to get moving. Some days the only reason I move is because my bones feel better...

So, how do I change my brain waves? How do I learn to enjoy exercising? I want to love to jog....I want to enjoy being fit....HELP!!!! :O)