And it's true, I don't really know. This coming from a Type A personality who typically has a plan A-D.
I
know I want more out of life than sitting on the sidelines cheering
someone else on as they pursue (and fulfil) their dreams. I deserve more
too. Don't I? Sure the first couple years of marriage seemed more
about us and me. But as soon as we moved closer to where he grew up,
where his mom and siblings were that changed. And not subtly. As soon
as the mortgage paperwork was signed it
seemed to be all about him/his family, all the time. All about what he
wanted to do. All about what he liked. All about his mother's needs.
Even on my birthday one year he had to take her and her dog to the vet
for a ROUTINE visit. It had to be done THAT day? I'm all about helping
family but your spouse should NEVER be fourth place on your spouses
list.
So
here I sit five months post divorce wondering "What am I going to do?".
Sure life has been calmer (I no longer feel like a failure of a
spouse) but I haven't outwardly done much. I am happier; less stress
will do that for you. I'm slimmer/healthier; eating home cooked meals
and exercise will do that for you. But I've certainly made no concrete
plans for my future like I did pre marriage (get married, buy a house,
have children, live happily ever after).
So
what am I going to do now? My happily ever after is now where it
probably should have been all along; in my hands. With so many
opportunities available, even to a 45 year old, how do you chose what to
do? I heard somewhere to seek out your passion, set goals, go forth and
conquer. But I don't know what my passion is and I've set goals before
and failed miserably. I've had plans a, b, c, d and they'll fallen
thru. The only thing I know for certain is that I want to be happy,
healthy, confident.
So what am I going to do now?
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