Tuesday, April 26, 2016
And now there is one...
I was divorced on Sept 9, 2015 after 10 years 9 months of marriage. The decision wasn't easy and "blind-sided" my spouse (who felt the marriage was "just fine"/normal). Despite his lack of self accountability; we are both to blame for the failed marriage.
For my part, I some how got to a place where I no longer felt safe voicing my opinion. I lost my confidence, lost who I was and was constantly second guessing everything about me (my knowledge, my abilities, my loyalties, etc). But one day I woke up (around my 45th birthday) and realized that I could not live the next 10 years like the last 10 years.
Post-split has been about healing, finding my voice, understanding my part in the failed marriage (as well in failed relationships), and educating myself (on anything and everything) that will help me not repeat past mistakes if ever given the chance to "love" someone else again. While it's only been five months, I feel different. I feel better. I'm moving more and eating better (most of the time ). I'm learning to cut myself some slack, replace negative words with positive, and push myself outside of my comfort zone every now and then. I finally (at 45) feel optimistic about my future and what I have to offer.
My post split journey HAS been challenging emotionally (a different type of lonely) but I do realize that there is a whole new world out there for me. I realize too that the possibilities seem to be endless even for people over 45; all I have to do is roll with it. My first "post marriage" trip is coming up March 13th to NYC and I'm so excited I can barely contain myself!