Sunday, August 25, 2013


I'll just come out and say it-I'm predictable. Or at least I feel predictable. I dream big but do very little to follow thru.  I make "goals" and "To do lists"; get tools to move forward to make the changes I desire.  I even look for peeps who share similar desire for change or whom do what it is I wish to do in hopes of drawing strength and inspiration.  I follow "them" (changes) for a spell and then "sha zam" I've fallen off the "change" wagon.

And evidently, I'm also not a multi-tasker.  Because heaven forbid I could work on "changing" more than one thing at a time. And this time round I'm not even sure I really care that I'm leaning towards falling off the change wagon. again.  Maybe I like using excuses to get out of things.  Maybe I like being limited. Maybe the real problem is that I lack discipline and have no desire for discipline. I think. Maybe I'm just lazy. How the hell does one figure this crap out?

Maybe I like who I am; like the pace that I am going at in life. I'm not in a bad position in life. and I'm not really back pedaling (except with spending/paying off things). Everything I do typically is for a specific purpose. Granted I'm not "outwardly" an overly happy person but I contribute that to the fact that my brain NEVER shuts off. I'm always thinking; even in my sleep. and if I'm always thinking about things I sometimes forget to smile and just plain have fun.

I love reading books. I love self help books. I love teaching/showing people new ways of doing things or that I know a lot of information. I also love being alone but I do occasionally like to hang out with others doing things. I"m pretty resourceful and creative. But I just can't find a creative way to love exercise. at least not right now. I always feel like "go go go" but truthfully if you were to have me write down all the things I do you would see that I actually have plenty of  time to work in exercise and some fun exercise.  

Do written schedules really work? How do you retrain yourself to love being up verse going back to bed (especially when you really don't need the sleep)? I was reading the other day that if you want to change a bad habit to a good habit that you should start small... But what's starting small? and are goal lists made? I would assume that my goals are too broad (pay off credit card) but not sure how to "narrow it down"?

maybe I'm just confused about what I should be doing.  wouldn't be the first time.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

I changed my mind....

I don't want to be average nor do I want to be normal.  I've tried to fit in but I'm over it.  It's a waste of my "perfectly good talent".  I'm tired of trying to stuff my square peg into societies round hole in hopes of feeling worthy of others attention. It's hard to explain...I had it all typed out a few moments ago but the blogger thing went "fitz", didn't save and then my words disappeared. grr.

Anyhow, I no longer like 830 to 5. DOn't get me wrong I'm grateful to have a job. I enjoy the work I do; it can be rewarding.  There was even a time when I loved what I did and could see myself doing it for another 20 yrs.  These last few weeks though I've got to thinking that there is so much more to life than what I've allowed myself to be.  I've always marched to the beat of my own drummer but chastised myself for doing so.  I'd tell myself that a "normal" person follows societies guidelines on "blah blah blah".  I have no idea what I was thinking...but I can tell you that I'm over trying to make myself fit into what I think society is telling me I should be fitting into.  Maybe I think too much and do too little. eh...the wind will blow tomorrow and change a few things I'm sure :O) but that's what is so amazing...I'm allowed to change my mind!

Gusto, confident, take charge.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Making lists; moving forward

So I caught the bug (finally) and I'm feel mentally and emotionally on track. I've made all sorts of lists (including a training schedule for the Philly Half Marathon) and pulled out some resource books. I'm not just making lists but also taking notes. I know that nothing is ever set in stone and that one must be patient and flexible. I've also come to realize and appreciate those who have sent their well wishes and support to me and that they are sincere in their words (and sometimes actions). When your "glasses are fogging" you never see the sincerity in others gestures nor how important it is to have some kind of support system. Life can be so difficult; why make the journey alone if you don't have to? I'm all in on the AdvoCare....I'm a bit nervous because I'm not an "in your face you HAVE to try this" kind of gal. I also have issues talking verbally. I don't know the products like the back of the hand (ie what ingredients are in the item) I just know the products work. So anyway...there is a 5k coming up that I am going to sponsor in hopes of gaining exposure and potentially customers. It should be a win win (Lord forgive me) because the donation will be a tax deduction and by "sponsoring" I will be able to put my "logo" and contact information in the pamplet/booklet about the 5k, on the shirt, and a flyer in the race packet bag. for those who have picked up race packet-do you even look at the papers in the bag? I know I do but they've never been about a product; they've normally been about another race. Am I screwed because I don't have the funds to put a "trinket" in the race bag? here's my logo/'re ideas of what I can put in the race packet that won't break the bank.
P.S. and I think I may switch to bike see if it's as much fun now as it was when I was a kid.