Sunday, August 25, 2013


I'll just come out and say it-I'm predictable. Or at least I feel predictable. I dream big but do very little to follow thru.  I make "goals" and "To do lists"; get tools to move forward to make the changes I desire.  I even look for peeps who share similar desire for change or whom do what it is I wish to do in hopes of drawing strength and inspiration.  I follow "them" (changes) for a spell and then "sha zam" I've fallen off the "change" wagon.

And evidently, I'm also not a multi-tasker.  Because heaven forbid I could work on "changing" more than one thing at a time. And this time round I'm not even sure I really care that I'm leaning towards falling off the change wagon. again.  Maybe I like using excuses to get out of things.  Maybe I like being limited. Maybe the real problem is that I lack discipline and have no desire for discipline. I think. Maybe I'm just lazy. How the hell does one figure this crap out?

Maybe I like who I am; like the pace that I am going at in life. I'm not in a bad position in life. and I'm not really back pedaling (except with spending/paying off things). Everything I do typically is for a specific purpose. Granted I'm not "outwardly" an overly happy person but I contribute that to the fact that my brain NEVER shuts off. I'm always thinking; even in my sleep. and if I'm always thinking about things I sometimes forget to smile and just plain have fun.

I love reading books. I love self help books. I love teaching/showing people new ways of doing things or that I know a lot of information. I also love being alone but I do occasionally like to hang out with others doing things. I"m pretty resourceful and creative. But I just can't find a creative way to love exercise. at least not right now. I always feel like "go go go" but truthfully if you were to have me write down all the things I do you would see that I actually have plenty of  time to work in exercise and some fun exercise.  

Do written schedules really work? How do you retrain yourself to love being up verse going back to bed (especially when you really don't need the sleep)? I was reading the other day that if you want to change a bad habit to a good habit that you should start small... But what's starting small? and are goal lists made? I would assume that my goals are too broad (pay off credit card) but not sure how to "narrow it down"?

maybe I'm just confused about what I should be doing.  wouldn't be the first time.


  1. I'm a big one for making lists I then ignore.

    One thing that helped me when I was consistently running early was things like publicly saying on fb I was running in the morning (bc it created one additional layer of commitment), sleeping in my running clothes (bc I'd feel even stupider if I skipped my run and it made it quicker to get out of the house), accepting if I took longer than planned to get going that running 2 miles instead of my intended 5 was better than nothing, and once I had done it a few times, the knowledge that as crappy as I felt dragging myself out of bed, I'd be happy once I was running. The biggest thing once all that was in effect, though, was autopilot. My brain would be thinking "screw this, I'm hitting snooze and going back to bed" while somehow my body was independently putting in my contacts and putting on my shoes.

    You can make the changes you want to, but sometimes I think maybe you're too hard on yourself. Small steps are still steps, starting again is ok, and you're a pretty great person already as is.

  2. Hi Tori. So good to hear from you today. I would love to be accountability partners!! I will email you later today!! We've got this!!!

    Keep focused!!!