predictable

I'll just come out and say it-I'm predictable. Or at least I feel predictable. I dream big but do very little to follow thru.  I make "goals" and "To do lists"; get tools to move forward to make the changes I desire.  I even look for peeps who share similar desire for change or whom do what it is I wish to do in hopes of drawing strength and inspiration.  I follow "them" (changes) for a spell and then "sha zam" I've fallen off the "change" wagon.

And evidently, I'm also not a multi-tasker.  Because heaven forbid I could work on "changing" more than one thing at a time. And this time round I'm not even sure I really care that I'm leaning towards falling off the change wagon. again.  Maybe I like using excuses to get out of things.  Maybe I like being limited. Maybe the real problem is that I lack discipline and have no desire for discipline. I think. Maybe I'm just lazy. How the hell does one figure this crap out?

Maybe I like who I am; like the pace that I am going at in life. I'm not in a bad position in life. and I'm not really back pedaling (except with spending/paying off things). Everything I do typically is for a specific purpose. Granted I'm not "outwardly" an overly happy person but I contribute that to the fact that my brain NEVER shuts off. I'm always thinking; even in my sleep. and if I'm always thinking about things I sometimes forget to smile and just plain have fun.

I love reading books. I love self help books. I love teaching/showing people new ways of doing things or that I know a lot of information. I also love being alone but I do occasionally like to hang out with others doing things. I"m pretty resourceful and creative. But I just can't find a creative way to love exercise. at least not right now. I always feel like "go go go" but truthfully if you were to have me write down all the things I do you would see that I actually have plenty of  time to work in exercise and some fun exercise.  

Do written schedules really work? How do you retrain yourself to love being up verse going back to bed (especially when you really don't need the sleep)? I was reading the other day that if you want to change a bad habit to a good habit that you should start small... But what's starting small? and goals...how are goal lists made? I would assume that my goals are too broad (pay off credit card) but not sure how to "narrow it down"?

maybe I'm just confused about what I should be doing.  wouldn't be the first time.

And out of the dust I walk

I really do appreciate you all listening to my woes about the newest addition to our family. Change doesn't always come easy to me and too many changes at once overwhelmes me. I am sure that this new lil guy is a blessing and I will learn a new valuable lesson, it may just take time for me to realize the true blessing (he's been sick and of course has spurts of baby energy along with attempting to keep our carpets free from pet soil). With FB I learned patience and unconditional love. Yes, unconditional love from a pup! :O) So I'm really intrigued with what lies ahead for us/me as the new puppy grows.

There is change at work too..we  have a new boss starting tomorrow.  Seems like a nice guy; I've known him for awhile, never had a problem with him but have never directly worked with him either. But as always with change there is a bit of uncertainty-even if there really is no need to feel uncertain. I remember a day when I was fearless and I looked change dead in the eye and said "bring it". But the fear of the unknown these days sometimes dictates a different response from me. I've just come to embrace routine!  But it's going to be alright. I will be alright. I love my job and the folks I work with so deep breathe in/deep breathe out (or one foot in front of another ir you prefer).

34 hours and counting

Super super good week!! And in less than 34 hours I will partake in my first 1/2 marathon. Super stoked!! Picked up my race packet today and got a few goodies (although very few were free...sighhhh..ahhh..it's cool!).

first we picked up our bibs, shoe tag, and bag



then we picked up our shirts...


then I picked up some real cool head bands that I've heard are all the rage

I'm gonna wear the purple one (on the right) cuz it will match my shirt. I am opting not to wear the 1/2 marathon shirt they provided because I really don't think it's gonna fit. I ordered my current shirt size but they look like they run small. And I haven't lost as many inches as I had anticipated so I won't feel as comfy as I'd like for the walk/jog. And honestly when it comes to clothes I've got to be comfortable.

I was going to purchase some yarbuds, went as far as to get fitted for them but it didn't work out. they kept falling out and why spend 20 bucks on something that won't stay in?!? So if you are considering purchasing them I would advice that you go where they sell them so that you can try them out first. And I'll be honest, I didn't think that they were all that comfortable....

While at the expo we walked around and saw some wonderful gadgets on display. It's amazing how many items are on sale for runners. There were also a lot of booths with information on other marathons nationwide. We were able to pick up some brochures for a Nashville Marathon and Disney marathons. My friend and I would like to do the Princess 1/2 Marathon at Disney...we want to feel like princesses even if it's only for one day...Ok..I really want to wear the tiara is all!!


This is the longest I have ever worked towards something personal (other than college). Sunday after the race, it will be the 2nd thing that I have ever started and finished (gosh I hope I am not jinxing myself!!). The 1st was my college education (took me 15 years but I still finished it on my own, no help from anyone other than student loans). I REALLY feel like this is my year, like things are finally clicking in the noggin. I finally feel like it's ok not to have changes RIGHT THIS MINUTE! That it's ok if I side step; it doesn't mean I've failed. I also realize that it doesn't matter what "others" think; it's what matters to me. What an amazing feeling to realize that I MATTER. I wouldn't change the past-I wouldn't be who I am if I did. But I can't stay that person because there are tools available for me to reach MY "ultimate" being.

step 2-Not Being Perfect

In the spirit of change, I must learn to accecpt things as they currently are. I am not perfect nor will I ever be. I'm cool with it (today). And even though I know I can never be perfect I know that I need to make some changes (mind, body, soul). Let me shout this to the world---I NEED TO CHANGE. And I feel that the only way I can change is to be completely honest not only with myself but to those I am turning to for support. I must be willing to step out in front of the wrap around mirror and take a good hard look. So tonight, inspired by a fellow bloggers courage, I took some before pictures AND I AM POSTING THEM. I was a bit shocked and what I found is a bit amazing to me. My very first thought as I looked at the photos, VERY FIRST thought I remind you, was "oh, those aren't so bad". You see, I've taken before photos before (in 2006). They were NASTY. I still have them but don't have the courage (just yet) to post them. Besides I was in my undergarments in them and who truly wants to see some overly fluffy gal in her undergarments!!??

Anyhow..here they are. Me and all my glory!!