Monday, March 8, 2010

Blah Blah Blah

So much to say; not enough words to express what I have to say. I have so much on my mind, so many things I’d like to share but never know where to begin. The words always seem to get stuck somewhere between my brain and fingers. And when they don’t get stuck someone always comes along and interrupts me. I have a habit of pausing (obviously too long of a pause) when I am trying to find the right word to say. I wonder if using cb lingo would help to let others know when I’m done with my statement so they can stop interrupting me? Maybe I should end every sentence with “over”? and maybe I should end a conversation with “over and out” to let them know I’m done talking? Hell, I don’t know. I just don’t know.

Last week was a busy, confusing week for me. A very good friend got sick and is hospitalized. Sadly he is in a hospital 2 ½ hrs away and I can’t just “drop in” and check on him like I’d prefer. I did however drop everything and run over there to be with his wife shortly after being hospitalized (for a day) but was called back to work/home. I wish I could have stayed longer but duty calls. And now I sit with my phone stuck to my hand waiting for updates. Talk about feeling totally helpless. Not a damn thing I can do for either them except pray (and ask others to pray) and I’m having issues in that area. I know there is a God (there just has to be-I look around me and see a lot of amazing things-surely an asshole could not have made them!). I know I should go to church. But too many times I’ve gone to church and felt like I was in high school all over again. And honestly; let’s just not go there—I didn’t like high school the first time! And that (the not going to church) makes me feel like I don’t have a right to pray; because I’m not totally walking the walk. No matter how good a person I think I’m being I’m told/implied to that I’m not entitled to very many Godly things because I don’t go to church. Which makes me madder because how can someone be a “true Christian” and say those things?

And that’s my excuse for not behaving myself. I walked/exercised 2 of the last 7 days. I ate whatever I felt like eating. I taunted myself with bad food choices (a large bag of cheeto puffs lasted 1 day)…and sadly I felt little remorse. I did pay for it yesterday and today though. All the processed food is tearing my inside up. And I walked 8 miles after resting 5 days and now have blisters galore on my feet! I will NEVER DO THAT AGAIN (wait 5 days to walk/exercise)!! I started yesterdays walk planning on doing MAYBE 4 miles. But I was enjoying myself so much that I said “eh what the hell”…I’m glad I did but my feet, legs and back aren’t glad! That’s what I get for waiting too long!!

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