I appreciate every ones kind words and prays. I know that my issues I choose to write about may seem insignificant compared to others given what we hear about daily in the news (or what one of you may be going through but don't speak of) but it is significant to me. I want my family, especially my husband, happy. Seeing him in pain is difficult. It's not just his job situation that brings him pain, it's his neck and back injury that the doctors don't know how to fix.
Anyhow, It's also just a small piece of my puzzle.
I think the bigger issue of my puzzle is how I've viewed myself. For the longest time I was encouraged to view myself as unworthy no matter how much effort I put into the "project" (IE relationships or jobs). I know that this is not true but this is still a daily struggle for me. I constantly have to remind myself that I put my pants on the same way everyone else does; one leg at a time. Whem I met my husband I was enamored by his confidence. I wanted that confidence. He wasn't cocky confident mind you. He was down to earth, I can do anything confident. And he encouraged my confidence to blossom. And it was working or so I thought.
Tomorrow I am signing up for weight watchers. I'm still debating between online or in person. I need help. I thought I could do it on my own but I'm not holding myself completely accountable when it comes to food. I have a 1/2 marathon scheduled for next Sunday. I've not prepared as well as I did for the last one so I'm a bit nervous. I know that I can do it, just not sure how my feet will come out of it.