Ok. I'm calm now. Things have settled in and most payments have been rec'd at their respective places. This coming week I will be making the calls (or sending the emails) to say "thanks for your business but it's time for me to close the account." and cutting up the cards. I can't even begin to tell you how relieved I am. I know that there will be months were funds will be tight (like next few considering I have to put $1700 into fixing my car thus depleting my "Emergency fund") and I will have to say "no" to invites out. I'm good with that because sometimes we have to make sacrifices to get to where (or what) we want. In three years I can start saving for a vacation to either Alaska, Ireland, Italy, or Hawaii.
To help with budgeting I have downloaded an i-tunes app called Cashtrak. It's a very simple app that allows you to input what you spend and on what. It also allows you to upload a photo of the receipt. There is also a spot where you can put how much your monthly budget so that you can do a running total and you can even email yourself a excel spreadsheet of the information you are inputting.
For those of you not living in the Midwest, the weather has been incredibly hot. We hit (made) a ten day record for CONSECUTIVE days over a 100 degrees. How proud I feel to know that we have set such a wonderful record. I try and remind myself that there are worse places to be in the world to live. I keep reminding myself of the men and women overseas living in tents, utilizing port-a-potties and mobile showers (IF their lucky), thousands of miles away from home that would give their right arm to be in my shoes right now. When I remember this I ask for forgiveness for being so selfish.
I haven't mentioned this lately but I am really happy to be in my 40's. I feel as if life has REALLY started. I feel as if I finally woke up and could actually see all the possibilities available to me that I deserve to pursue. I also feel as if each year I age I forgive myself a lil more. Don't get me wrong; I don't feel like I am (or ever was) a bad person. I've just made mistakes; mistakes similar to those you or any other "average" person may have made. The biggest "mistake" I forgive myself for is not being perfect. Despite what I was grilled into my head growing up NOTHING is perfect. Life happens. You do the best you can and move on. Sometimes you repeat a thing or two but who hasn't!