Well, not much going on...thankfully!! :O) I'm going to Home Depot tonight for some things for the back yard; I've decided I'm going to make it an oasis for me and the pooch (and the hubby too if he'd like or if there's no ball game on!). And tomorrow I am going over to Sherrie's house to walk 3.5 miles then go to IHOP. I love IHOP! I'm not sure what the afternoon will entail but I'm sure sometime this weekend I will need to go to the front entrance of the subdivision to weed. Yeah.
My walking/jogging has been alright this week. Tuesday we did 3.5 miles, yesterday we did 3 miles and today only 1. It was muggy muggy muggy out...just too humid to move much. My water intake has been pretty good and I find myself drinking mainly water at home too now. Cleans the system right! I've done wonderful on taking my vitamins each day and not too shabby on the food.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
As requested....
all I can say today is OY! A sense of overwhelming is on the horizon waiting to suck me in. I am fighting it the best I can and thankfully haven't over induldged in excess food. Most of my food choices have been good BUT I have had a few beers a couple of nights this week. And there are sure to be a few more (just a few).
I could blame it on my upcoming 40th birthday but I thought I was excited about it. Guess the jury is still out. I could blame it on my husband, whose birthday is also coming up (he'll be 39-hee hee I married a younger guy!!), because he is so difficult to buy for. I could also blame this on my wonderful pug (who is an only dog) because he's been getting me/us up as early as 4 am these days. Then there is my job, which I truly love, that has been keeping my hopping and chasing my tail. There hasn't been a day recently that I haven't come home completely spent emotionally and mentally. Hell, I'm having difficulty writing this and that really isn't like me. I've always got something to say. Which brings the thought in my head that there in itself is the problem. In my world, the real one in which I must interact with others, I am often talked over. Do you ever feel like what you have to say doesn't matter? Do you ever begin to say something just to be cut off by someone who feels their message is more important to hear? I often do and it deflates me...makes me feel unworthy; as if I am to be seen and not heard. Which reminds me of my childhood.
Thinking of my childhood often brings mixed feelings. It was very hard. Talking with my family members is very hard. Losing a family member before "the mess has been cleaned up" is hard too. I only have one question left for my family members; "why did you let it happen?" The elders even act as if nothing ever bad happened. Like a dager in my heart (and soul I might add) is that the worst of the offenders has "found God" and acts as if they are the Christian of all Christians. They talk the talk real good. Please don't misunderstand, I do believe in God. I don't blame God for my childhood; I just have a hard time swallowing messages from people who have "all the sudden" found God. This family member toughts about God and all his mercy and how others will go to hell for the "errors of their ways" if they don't change. After all this family member has done to destroy our family they have a right to be judge and jury of others and their choices? No-they don't. We EACH will have to answer to God for our own choices not the choices of others. This person has never apologized for their misdeeds and meant it. Have they apologized? Yes. But the next day they turned around and said how much I wanted it too. How the hell did I want it too? Children don't "ask" for it and they certainly don't welcome it with open arms. Children do what they are told.
It is my opinion that if you do something wrong-apologize and mean it not try and justify it or shift blame. And this is my baggage, my cross. This cross I bare is at times too much to bare. I am torn; do I stay or do I go? Their words are empty to me and I want nothing more than to turn and walk away. Their new family knows nothing of my cross and my family members misdeeds. They know that the family member is not perfect but that they are making an attempt at being a better person. But how Christian is that, to wash my hands of my family? What would God say if I walked away, finally after 40 years, without so much as a goodbye and good ridence? Turning my back on my own flesh and blood does bring some solace but would it solve anything? Would anything positive and productive come of it? I feel as if I am in prison when it comes to my family. I want to be free from "that". But the bind thats ties me holds tight. Which is something I will have to come to terms with.
Paraphrasing (or whatever) from a Tim McGraw song; I'll do it better in the next 30 years...
I could blame it on my upcoming 40th birthday but I thought I was excited about it. Guess the jury is still out. I could blame it on my husband, whose birthday is also coming up (he'll be 39-hee hee I married a younger guy!!), because he is so difficult to buy for. I could also blame this on my wonderful pug (who is an only dog) because he's been getting me/us up as early as 4 am these days. Then there is my job, which I truly love, that has been keeping my hopping and chasing my tail. There hasn't been a day recently that I haven't come home completely spent emotionally and mentally. Hell, I'm having difficulty writing this and that really isn't like me. I've always got something to say. Which brings the thought in my head that there in itself is the problem. In my world, the real one in which I must interact with others, I am often talked over. Do you ever feel like what you have to say doesn't matter? Do you ever begin to say something just to be cut off by someone who feels their message is more important to hear? I often do and it deflates me...makes me feel unworthy; as if I am to be seen and not heard. Which reminds me of my childhood.
Thinking of my childhood often brings mixed feelings. It was very hard. Talking with my family members is very hard. Losing a family member before "the mess has been cleaned up" is hard too. I only have one question left for my family members; "why did you let it happen?" The elders even act as if nothing ever bad happened. Like a dager in my heart (and soul I might add) is that the worst of the offenders has "found God" and acts as if they are the Christian of all Christians. They talk the talk real good. Please don't misunderstand, I do believe in God. I don't blame God for my childhood; I just have a hard time swallowing messages from people who have "all the sudden" found God. This family member toughts about God and all his mercy and how others will go to hell for the "errors of their ways" if they don't change. After all this family member has done to destroy our family they have a right to be judge and jury of others and their choices? No-they don't. We EACH will have to answer to God for our own choices not the choices of others. This person has never apologized for their misdeeds and meant it. Have they apologized? Yes. But the next day they turned around and said how much I wanted it too. How the hell did I want it too? Children don't "ask" for it and they certainly don't welcome it with open arms. Children do what they are told.
It is my opinion that if you do something wrong-apologize and mean it not try and justify it or shift blame. And this is my baggage, my cross. This cross I bare is at times too much to bare. I am torn; do I stay or do I go? Their words are empty to me and I want nothing more than to turn and walk away. Their new family knows nothing of my cross and my family members misdeeds. They know that the family member is not perfect but that they are making an attempt at being a better person. But how Christian is that, to wash my hands of my family? What would God say if I walked away, finally after 40 years, without so much as a goodbye and good ridence? Turning my back on my own flesh and blood does bring some solace but would it solve anything? Would anything positive and productive come of it? I feel as if I am in prison when it comes to my family. I want to be free from "that". But the bind thats ties me holds tight. Which is something I will have to come to terms with.
Paraphrasing (or whatever) from a Tim McGraw song; I'll do it better in the next 30 years...
Friday, June 4, 2010
ramble...Ugh...and we both got it!!
Nice little bug going around our house...the pug and I have it and it ain't pretty! Poor lil guy thought he was going to get into trouble for the accident we found in the laundry room but when your sick your sick. We're just trying to figure out how he got outiside the one gate, then back in the gate without knocking it over just to do his business outside of his designated sleep/play area. Oh well. As for me, I made it to my designated "area" to do my business with no problems. I'm just hoping it isn't planning on sticking around; we'll know tomorrow.
tomorrow night the gals, at least one guy, and I are going to the roller derby for a double header. I am really exicted and can hardly wait. I've loved roller derby since the 70's as a kid. dreams of participating in the derby myself dances in my head but considering I've not been on roller skates in darn near 30 years, me being a derby girl is pretty close to nil. My husband isn't going because he will be selling raffle tickets for Cardinal Care charity at the Cardinals game during the day and will be much too tired to go. No worries, I'll have fun for both of us. I do feel a lil guilty about not going to the game as well (I normally do) but selling raffle tickets isn't my forte'. I get so nervous and studdery; oh and I often forget to smile cuz I'm so stressed about having to talk to people cuz heaven forbid they just say yes and buy the darn tix...I'm mean come on-it's for charity!! Now the hubby; he could sell an igloo to an eskimo. and this gives him the opportunity to dress up in full cardinal gear (I'll post a pic later-it's funny). Since the weather is going to be extremly hot and humid (welcome to the midwest) he went and got a camel pack today in red. As further jusifitication for the purchase, he says "and you can use it for your long walks since you like to drink water". what a sweet sweet guy-wonder how I got so lucky (he really is sweet and I really am lucky)?? I really can't wait to use it-matter of fact I was thinking "hmm maybe i"ll go for a long walk on Sunday cuz I need to get moving since the 1/2 marathon is coming up!!"
Which brings me to the fact that I have a 1/2 marathon on Oct 3rd and I haven't done anything but watch my food intake. and I need to stop putting it off...so next weeks goal will include mileage that I plan to walk, jog, and ride my bike. I know that when I was training for the last 1/2 marathon i was getting in the mid 20's for miles...I think my goal will be 30 miles a week of jog/walk/bike. what other things should I incorporate? weights?
tomorrow night the gals, at least one guy, and I are going to the roller derby for a double header. I am really exicted and can hardly wait. I've loved roller derby since the 70's as a kid. dreams of participating in the derby myself dances in my head but considering I've not been on roller skates in darn near 30 years, me being a derby girl is pretty close to nil. My husband isn't going because he will be selling raffle tickets for Cardinal Care charity at the Cardinals game during the day and will be much too tired to go. No worries, I'll have fun for both of us. I do feel a lil guilty about not going to the game as well (I normally do) but selling raffle tickets isn't my forte'. I get so nervous and studdery; oh and I often forget to smile cuz I'm so stressed about having to talk to people cuz heaven forbid they just say yes and buy the darn tix...I'm mean come on-it's for charity!! Now the hubby; he could sell an igloo to an eskimo. and this gives him the opportunity to dress up in full cardinal gear (I'll post a pic later-it's funny). Since the weather is going to be extremly hot and humid (welcome to the midwest) he went and got a camel pack today in red. As further jusifitication for the purchase, he says "and you can use it for your long walks since you like to drink water". what a sweet sweet guy-wonder how I got so lucky (he really is sweet and I really am lucky)?? I really can't wait to use it-matter of fact I was thinking "hmm maybe i"ll go for a long walk on Sunday cuz I need to get moving since the 1/2 marathon is coming up!!"
Which brings me to the fact that I have a 1/2 marathon on Oct 3rd and I haven't done anything but watch my food intake. and I need to stop putting it off...so next weeks goal will include mileage that I plan to walk, jog, and ride my bike. I know that when I was training for the last 1/2 marathon i was getting in the mid 20's for miles...I think my goal will be 30 miles a week of jog/walk/bike. what other things should I incorporate? weights?
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Just a quickie....
One minute I've got nothing but time; the next not so much. Last week Leesia over at "Here we go...hold on tight" (http://herewegoholdontight.blogspot.com/) awarded me the Sunshine Award (Thank you Leesia).
I apologize for my tardiness...I've just been really busy. And to be honest, like Leesia, I had rec'd an award the day before and didn't know how to respond. Silly I know; me at a loss for words (gasp)!!! BUT I do thank you Leesia and appreciate the time and kind words you have given me and continue to give me.
I apologize for my tardiness...I've just been really busy. And to be honest, like Leesia, I had rec'd an award the day before and didn't know how to respond. Silly I know; me at a loss for words (gasp)!!! BUT I do thank you Leesia and appreciate the time and kind words you have given me and continue to give me.
I'm going to cheat (tsk tsk I know) and tag everyone of my followers. I think you are all great (I mean hey, you do read my blog so you must be great!!). I really wish I could get to know you all a little better. Maybe when time loosens up (and I get a quicker computer that doesn't continue to freeze), after I've read some blogs I'll make an award of my own with really cool questionnaire. Sadly I think I may have missed the boat...I believe there is a blog tour going on. sigh.
This week has gotten off to a GREAT start. At the family gathering yesterday I made very wise and healthy food choices AND took smaller portions. However, my water intake yesterday may have slipped. I'd know for sure if I'd WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN! Today, I did so well that I scared myself. Of course as I sit here and type this I'm dreaming of a Klondike Reece's' bar. :O) I had a yogurt cup for bf, one cup of coffee, 1 1/2 pieces of turkey veggie meatloaf, an orange, an apple, tons of water (about 110 ounces), a large homemade salad....and probably the Klondike bar! My snacking the last week or so has been minimal and when I have snacked it's been fruit.
Before I close I really need someone's help. A close family member who will remain nameless (Fredbird) has been getting me up as early as 5 am. To EAT of all things.
He's lucky he's cute but I swear if he keeps it up I will not be responsible for my actions. I walk him between 2 and 3 miles a day, him and daddy play quite frequently. He gets his yogurt or italian ice about 8 most nights. I don't know what else to do. I know that during "normal" hours the air quality has been bad so maybe he is waking up so early because at that time the air is pretty good. I've tried ignoring him but he's very persuasive. Hubby felt sorry for me this morning and got up to feed him.
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