Saturday, May 14, 2011

A free ride on the Mental Emotional (sometimes Draining) Roller Coaster...

It's been a long few weeks. Very busy with work, travel, and local events. I've battled the blues a few times too but I've not turned to food for comfort. I was going to say that (besides chewing a lot of gum) I've had a lot of internal chats that have kept me from breaking down but some of those chats haven't been very up lifting. I've certainly learned a thing or two but one or two have been down right crude (not in the vulgar sense but something along the lines of "you're a worthless piece of..." or "why does it matter no one else gives a crude about you and what you do."). It's amazing how easy it is to revert back to childhood/young adult negative habits that were pressed upon you. I don't even understand why I've done it because that is one of the things that I've been working so hard to break in recent years.  I continually remind myself (when I start to get upset) that I'm not worthless, that it doesn't matter what others think of what I do or say, that it matters how I think and if I find it acceptable behavior/reaction for myself/situation. It's ok for me to feel the way I feel. I have a right to how I feel despite the fact that someone else (who thinks they know it all) disagrees. One thing that I need to remind myself is that I need to cut myself some slack; the same slack I have always been willing to cut others.

As individuals we all react differently to life experiences. And reacting differently doesn't make one person right and the other wrong, just means were different. I work hard to not hold against others their reaction (that differs from  mine) to something because their entitled to react however they want.  And I'd hope others would have the same mature response in how I react/respond to situations. Unfortunately that isn't always the case. Thankfully, my real friends help balance me and keep me grounded. And thankfully every now and then I am able to "let go" and let my friends help my mental/emotional roller coaster. I don't have to be in control of me all the time.  And most importantly, they help remind me that I'm NOT crazy and that it really isn't "me".

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