Changing negative habits is proving to be quite the challenge; of course if it were easy/easier everyone would be changing negative habits! But none the less, no matter how long it takes me, I shall trudge on like a “good healthy girl” even long after I have “gotten it right”. “Gotten it right” meaning I’m eating healthier, exercising on a consistent regular basis, and treating myself with the respect I deserve despite any short comings. Although not there yet, I will be. Eventually.
I’ve been exploring the “less is more” theory. Like a mad women I’ve been scouring the house for “stuff” to sell at our garage sale in hopes of getting rid of as much clutter as possible (Because less is more right!?). Yes, a garage sale. Places I love to go but hate to have. I get very excited when I find a “steal of a deal” and nervous at the thought of selling my stuff to strangers; fearful of not only eventually needing what I’ve sold but of my “steal of a deal” going to someone unappreciative or rude. Silly I know but I am very particular of MY things. Or so I thought.
What a pity that I don’t treat MY being with the same fearfulness. I realize now that I sometimes treat inanimate items better than myself. An even sadder thought is the realization that I sometimes treat inanimate items with the same disregard as I do my body, mind, and soul. That “steal of a deal” lands in the hall closet after one use (or even worse after never being used) because it “just didn’t work out as I thought it should.” Time after time I disrespect myself by eating just one more bite; by consuming just one more drink; by staying up later for just one more show. Time, energy, and money wasted for what? A temporary excitement? Tsk tsk on me. At 39 I do know better.
It’s time to REALLY purge; and not just my inanimate items. I am 73 pounds over my goal weight. Seventy three pounds!! Honest questions, deserving honest answers, will be asked. Do I REALLY need this? Will this REALLY lead me towards my goal weight or away? Is this REALLY making me happy or am I encouraging myself to be happy because for “just one moment” I felt whole and I don’t want to lose that feeling?
Without even truly realizing it, I’ve already started on this “project” (less is more/one less). Rather than eating both halves of my subway sandwich yesterday, I only ate one and saved the second one for today. Rather than drinking the entire soda last night, I only drank half. And I didn’t even feel bad for pouring the rest of it out! So yes, less REALLY is more because I feel at peace with my lil ole decisions; I feel fulfilled!