Wow...I'm such a slacker these days!

I'm such a slacker. I'm not sure where time went but the year is almost over.  And while I accomplished a lot on my 'to do list' I didn't accomplish the main thing I wanted to and that's to be in better physical shape AND be at goal weight. Then again I'm thinking (as I type this)  'did I get that specific on my to do list in regards to wieght? Did I write out how I want to accomplish those goals?'  Guess I'll need to make sure I am very specific with my weight and physical goals this year; as specific as I was with my reading and 5k goals. 

More later...when I got it all written out. I just can't believe the year is almost over!!!

"And that's why your still fat..."

Power of self talk is amazing. Also amazing is how much easier it is to believe the negative over the positive. It's like a frickin ipod set up on repeat to play the same thing, over and over, day in day out. Or like a record that skips and plays the same thing over and over until you pick up the needle for those who are my age.

I know when the negative voices set up permanent camp; refusing to leave.  But there is no way to go back-"it is what it is". Life happens. Some just know how to move on earlier than others. Then again, I've noticed that there are a lot of others out there "just like me", muddling their way thru too, just trying to find their happy place. We all have a story.  But no offense, it's not a comforting feeling. Life shouldn't ALWAYS be so hard. Or emotionally charged. I enjoy the days when the stars are aligned perfectly and "life" falls into place where I can smile freely because I "feel at peace". I long for a "routine" that doesn't involve feeling helpless, overwhelmed, "out of sorts".

Tomorrow is a new day

Today wasn't a failure....it's a learning experience

pain only last forever if you let it....and I like not letting it (even though it's really hard letting go).

there is no shame in who I am...and what I am is human.

I have feelings, I'm an emotional being...

I've made mistakes and I'll continue to make mistakes.

Me making mistakes does not make me a malicious person because I'm not making the mistakes out of spike (I just have brain farts now and then!!).

My mistakes are my own; no one else's. I accept that.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will make it my own!

One isn't always the loneliest number...

I am a loner. I've always been this way. As far back as I can remember I've had very little problems doing things by myself, for myself.

Don't get me wrong...given the opportunity I will play nice with others and will openly invite others to "tag along" on my journey.

But life for me hasn't always been that way. Having a pal to always do things with.  And it wasn't always easy to go off and "do my own thing." But I had no choice. Because depending on someone to would require me to have faith that they wouldn't let me down. Because that happens; people let me down. Sometimes on purpose; sometimes not so much on purpose.

I participated in the Des Moines Half Marathon almost two weeks ago. A Friend of mine was supposed to go with but had to bail at the last minute. I was really disappointed because I'd done something I told myself I wouldn't ever let happen again. I promised myself that I wouldn't get excited that she was going; I wouldn't look forward to having her cheer me on. And I certainly wouldn't be disappointed if she couldn't go. But I went and did it. I was excited and looking forward to the companionship. This would be the first race that ANYONE went specifically to cheer me on. It's really hard to explain. And I felt like an adolescent.

So I drove to Des Moines. Checked into the hotel and picked up my race packet. Then I went to visit my brother, sis in law and nieces. It was a nice visit and the SIL asked about spectators for the race...what they do, where they stand, etc. Never being a specator I really had no idea what to tell her. I was like you make your way to the race course, cheer from the side and hope you see whom your looking for. Or you hang out at the end and meet up....which is what she did....and the girls and my brother did.

The Des Moines Half Marathon itself, words can't fully explain. It is a BEAUTIFUL course. There were athletes of all shapes and sizes, all skill levels. There were plenty of water stations, gu stations, spectators, music. The weather was freaking awesome (started out at 48 degrees and got to 60 by the end of the race). I only heard one snide remark, from a dipshit on the sidelines, stating to those of us at that the back of the pack "see you in 7 hrs". At least I was participating. Many would not have followed through with participation after the summer I had. I participated on no real training. The diehards would shudder at the thought that someone would actually do a half  marathon without proper training. I battled Plantar Fasciitis, I battled my confidence, I battled self esteem, I battled the dreaded hormones. But I wasn't backing out; I'd suffer whatever consequences were sent my way. And it was a good Wogg.  I'd run a bit, then walk a bit then repeat. I would often say "ok you've run this far, go to the next post." or "Run to the second light" and then make myself go just a lil further past that.  My time sucked (3 hrs 17 mins-22 mins slower than the last half) BUT over all it was a real good experience.  A road of healing, discovering new products (supplements and the roo pac for running)....