Thank you Blubeari for showing us a new gadget!!

I'm having such a wonderful week!! First Marge had some uplifitng words for me (she always does). Then Katie introduced me to Amy who is having a Winter Wonderland Warriors project. Then I lost .4 pounds with WW. Then I fit into my size 16 jeans (a bit snug for my preference but I could put my hands in my pocket!). Then I learned of a new "gadget" (for a lack of better words) from Blubeari. She was having the same concern as I and voiced it. She wondered about commenting back to folks when they left a message on her blog. How she found the gadget I don't know, but I'm very thankful. The gadget is called Disqus. I have installed it on my blog and can now reply to peoples posts. They in turn should get an email saying "hey tori responded to your post". Totally cool right!!  So far so good!

And to top the work week, the hubs is taking me on a DATE tomorrow night!! We're going to a hockey game!! I can't wait to get all dolled up and hit the ice with my boo, cheering on our Blues!! woot woot.

Happy New Year's everyone! I'll be posting my WWW post in the next couple of days. I could do it now but I haven't a clue on how to link it back to Amy's blog.  so I'll have to figure it out later...although the picture to the right--->the blue one---->if you click on it it should take you to Amy's "Lifes a Journey with a Smile" blog....does that count as linking back??? TTYL

From Grumpy to Inspired

My morning didn't start off on the right foot. At 4am lil man decided he wanted to get up and go outside. He's also a lil conjested which concerns me because he's so lil and has a flat nose (you did realize I was talking about my dog right!?) and more suseptible to illiness. Also, I only lost .4 pounds this week. I'm now .4 pounds away from my 10% goal. Each week I hear myself saying "maybe next week. maybe next week." My hubby was kind enough to remind me that a loss is fantastic considering it was the week of Christmas when people are expected to gain. I'm not "heartbroken" but I am a lil bummed. I couldn't of lost .4 more? WTF. Grrr...humpfff...

But my day has brightened. The hubs came and took me to lunch. It was soooo nice. We never get to have lunch together during the week! And then I was doing some blog reading and came across an interesting challenge. And I've decided to give it a shot. I’ve opted to join Amy’s Winter Wonderland Warriors project, which I found through Katie’s blog . And it “spoke” to me (it involves list-I like lists). And get this, It’s not just about weight loss (unless that’s what you want to focus on). It's about not letting the cold sad winter blues beat us down!! It’s also about support and accountability. And we could ALL use a little of that right? I know I can.

The challenge runs 13 weeks (Jan 3rd to March 28th) and requires participants to establish 10 goals they wish to complete/work on in that time frame. It also involves various outlets of communications (Twitter, your blog, Amy’s blog, your friends blog, and sometimes your email) as well as responding to weekly questions via your blog on your weekly (Monday) updates. I will admit that I’m not real good at communicating. I do try to comment on others blogs but I haven’t gotten the knack for responding to responses on my blog. I haven’t put that “issue” (responding to responses) on my list of 10; please know that I enjoy your responses and do not take them lightly.

Anyhow, without further ado here are my 10 goals for the WWW project.

Tori’s Winter Wonderland Warriors Commitment-13 Weeks of Continued Success
1. Pay off 3 small credit card bills (G, HD, & S)

2. Spend less, save more (instead of buying off the cuff, put the money for the item in my savings account. At the end of 13 weeks-March 28th-choose one of those items and purchase. The rest of the money stays in savings)

3. Continue attending Weight Watchers Meetings (59 more pounds to Lose; 35 by March 28th)

4. Jog 3 miles in 35 minutes (or less)

5. Participate in three (3) 5k’s (running two of them entirely).

6. Participate in one (1) 10k (running at least four miles of it)

7. Play less on the computer so I can read more books

8. Drink 75 ounces of water DAILY. (It’s important to keep one’s body flushed)

9. Think before I speak. Sometimes what comes out of my mouth doesn’t sound very nice even though I don’t intend it to sound nasty. I need to step back, take a deep breathe, and ask myself “does this really warrant a quick, snappy response or should I just let it go?”

10. Create 3x5 cards with 3 Weight Watcher friendly meals from 10 different restaurants

Staying on track

It’s amazing how time flies…even if you’re NOT having all the fun!! J The first of the year is right around the corner and while I’ve accomplished a lot this year; I’ve got tons more to get done.

I went to my step families for the holidays. It was alright but there is nothing like being at home. I didn’t “over indulge” while enjoying the festivities and stayed with in my points. I’m very proud of myself and am quite interested to see how I do on the scale tomorrow (fingers crossed). I would like to lose at least 1.7 lbs to ensure that I meet my 10% weight loss goal this week that was set by ww (one thing said the 10% was at 21 pounds lost but my online points tracker says I need to be at 196.9 lbs (1.7 lbs to lose) which would be 21.9 lbs). I’ll be happy with any kind of loss though…

In the next two weeks I am going to incorporate substantial physical activity into my routine. It’s time. I’ve been avoiding it for too long. I have no logical reason (other than laziness) as to why I’ve avoided putting forth the effort needed to get from Point A to Point B. But the time is right. Yes yes yes…lots of people make a New Year’s resolution to “get fit/exercise more” for the New Year. Some go as far as to join a gym and or buy work out equipment. But this isn’t a New Year’s resolution for me despite the timing…it’s just time. As the book “The Hands of the Buddha” (Susan Brassfield Cogan) points out; “We are what we think about. All our lives are founded on our thoughts and our world is made up of our thoughts.”

And yes I know I didn’t reference the author correctly…but this is my blog and be thankful I referenced her!!

Have a great week!

traditions

I can hardly believe that Christmas is less than a week away. To be completely honest, I'm not sure I ready for it. Not mentally, not emotionally. We're traveling a few hours north to visit my family (which isn't bad) but truthfully I'm tired of always doing the traveling. Besides the weather being unpredictable, I'm not really that close to my dad nor my step family for that matter. While my step family includes some super wonderful people, they have their own lives and own "traditions". Rarely has any of them come to visit me/us (yes, I've considered that there may be something wrong with me but the truth of the matter is-thier traditions center around them staying within 20 mins of home-super long story-not going there) it's always "when are you coming home to see us?" My home is here, in southern Illinois.

I think the root of all this is that I'd like to have my own traditions. I'd also like/love to incorporate a few traditions that my I used to partake in when my mom was alive. You see, I am a military brat and my folks would bring home students from the base who couldn't get home for the holidays. Mom would get up super duper early to start cooking (ok, maybe not so much fun but I do like to cook!!). By 11 the kids would come over. Soon there after everyone would be playing some kind of game, nibbling on some of the appetizers, and laughing hysterically. By 2 or 3 o'clock dinner would be ready and we would all sit down in our respective spots (I got the kiddie table!). The kids would talk about their families back home and traditions they normally had at their homes. After eating we would play more games, watch the tv, and nap. Prior to leaving, each kid would have already made a call home to mom and dad. sigh....those WERE the days.

By the way...I lost 1.8 pounds this last weigh in. I am .3 pounds away from being under 200. So very excited about that! I am also 2.? pounds way from hitting my 10% (21 lbs lost) goals for ww. I'm thinking about changing my weigh in day to later in the week but don't know which day would be best....currently I weigh in on Tuesday mornings.

I've fallen off the wagon!!

the wagon of writing that is! You ALL know how it goes; blink your eyes and a week has flown by. I really can't believe that Christmas is coming so quickly! And I've gotten very little done. Years past by this time I would have all my shopping done, all my Christmas cards sent, and all the cookies made. I've gotten some shopping done but no cards or cookies made and sent. Guess I'd better get a step on it right!!

I had joined the Reverb10 at the end of November and participated in 5 of the writings. It became a bit overwhelming with all I had on my plate (which I didn't take into consideration when I signed up) and the prompts gave me a flash back to high school writing. Don't get me wrong the Reverb10 is a great writing tool, I just couldn't get myself to force the writing (which is what it clearing felt like for me with all that's going on).

So, I'm back to writing sporadically. When I got something to write, I'll write. If not, it'll be quiet for a jiff. I will say that I would like to write a post on procrastination and avoidance. I have huge issues in this department that I need to address and figure out how to get past. I want the best for me (and my family) and my best involves getting physically in shape. NOT just getting into shape mentally/emotionally. And I've been avoiding the exercise area of life.

I am very happy to report that I am staying consistent with weight watchers and losing weight. I'm averaging about 1.5 pounds a week and very thankful that I've not gained. I probably should prepare myself for a week of gain but I'm not. I'll cross that bridge if I get there. Even if I lose 1/2 a pound it's a good week (hell even if it is .2 loss I'm happy). I'm so pleased with my progress that when asked "what do you want for Christmas" I asked for "weight watchers money". I hate to be this way but as I explained to my Step Mom..I need to continue this program; I want to do this program. I don't want gift cards for clothes or whatever; I don't plan on being this size for much longer (matter of fact I'm about to trade in my 18's for 16's) and I don't need anything else. It cost money to do this program (although I wonder if I am saving on food by sticking to weight watchers because I now only buy what I'm going to eat and have been skipping the junk-I've not bought anything, let it go bad, and had to toss it) and it isn't "cheap". Yes it's managable with the funding I have BUT a gift card from ww would be awesome!! :O)

Have a great week...the pug is itching for me to play with him!

Day 5: Reverb10 "Let Go"

Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I've contemplated this prompt all day. I realize that I've not let go of anything this year; except for clothes and money. And you know what, I don't want to give up anything else just yet. The things that I hold on to, they motive me. The uncertainty, the anguish, the frustration. They don't hold me back and I don't feel that they make me bitter. Another thing I realized today is that I'm not so angry these days. I've got a lot more patience. And I'm more willing to try things; new and old (old as in didn't work before but might work this time).

Well I've got to get ready for work. Have a great week everyone.

Dec 4th Reverb10-Wonder

Prompt: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I had to consult a dictionary (dictionary.com) on this one. Don’t get me wrong, I know what the word wonder means; I just wasn’t sure in what form I would use it. I’ve opted to use it in the form a verb (example two: 2. to be filled with admiration, amazement, or awe; marvel (often fol. by at ): He wondered at her composure in such a crisis.). I’m also going to see how many times I can use the word wonder (for sheets and giggles) in this post.

It’s been a WONDERful year. I’ve made good strides at making healthy changes. With a friend I “trained” for and completed my first half marathon early this year. I say trained loosely as I didn’t do much more than walk the thing. Late September I joined Weight Watchers and have lost 16 pounds so far. Without my friends, I participated in my 2nd half marathon early October. Jogging and walking the entire thing. After each accomplishment I am filled with a sense of wonder. Did I really do this? Can I continue to do this? I wonder I wonder I wonder fills my brain.

Even though I have had a sense of wonder after each accomplishment, I was filled with the most wonder at the completion of the 2nd half marathon as I did it by myself (literally-no one walk/jogged next to me). I told myself I would do it and I did. I wanted so badly to cop out of the race. Even after I was on my way to the race site I wanted to turn around and go home. But I started the race and worked through wanting to quit. Throughout the race I wondered why I was even bothering since I’m not a runner and it really didn’t (at the time) look like I would be a runner. I never did figure out why I continued but I’m glad I did. I finished the race a few minutes faster than before. And despite my lack of training my legs and feet felt great. Can you imagine how WONDERful I would have done had I prepared accordingly?!? And I can’t help to think that if I had such a WONDERful year this year with making a few changes how WONDERful a year I will have next year by stepping up my game just a smidge!

Day 3 reverb10 Prompt-Moment....

December 3 Prompt- Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

Such an interesting topic. Such a shame I am at loss for words for a specific moment where I felt most alive this year. Joy from Nuggets of Truth and I lightly touched on this subject this a.m. in an email (“Looking in at life from the outside”). Sadly most of this year, as well as many years past, I’ve not really felt alive. I’ve not really participated in an exciting, magical way. Sure this year I’ve participated in 2 half marathons, sure I’ve volunteered at many Cardinal Care events, sure I’ve gone to a handful of Cardinal games. But never did I have a “Frankenstein moment” when I screeched to the world “I’m alive! I’m alive! Yes sweet Jesus I AM alive!” Is there such a feeling? Am I being too…what’s the word…expectant? Am I being too much like those romantic movies, when girl meets boy, and she’s asked “how did you know that he was the one (to which she replies ‘I just knew..I had “the” feeling.’)?”

I have had many moments of comfort; many moments of accomplishments; moments of relief this year. Each moment I become a little stronger. I've lead (and continue to lead) a very blessed life. I’ve felt the tears flow in both joy and frustration. I’ve seen the sun shine; I’ve seen the moon glow. But just as important to me, I’ve seen moments in other peoples eyes. Moments like the empty nester who welcomed her child home for the holidays. The shine of her eyes as the distance closes. The warmth that emits from the hug as they hold each other. The smile on their faces that could light up a room on the darkest of days.

Dec 2 Day 2 Prompt and WW PointsPlus

Ok...Day 2 of the Reverb10 Project. The prompt is:

Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?

I started this post hours ago, in between work projects. Of course work for me always trumps writing projects because my job doesn't require creative writing. And I can't afford not to work a "regular" job to get my "writing" career off the ground. Besides, how much money could I really make from MY writing? However, if we are to be really honest, time could be made for writing if I didn't procrastinate so. Most things I do during the day could contribute to writing if I really put some effort into it. But I'm a procrastinator. I can find many other things, both useless and useful, to do with my time. So if I really want to improve my writing I need to write SOMETHING every day. Just like in a journal. Or my blog! :O)

Weight Watchers Points Plus

So the new Weight Watchers PointsPlus has been rolling (officially) since Monday. I very much like the changes and can't wait to see the outcome! For the most part my food choices haven't changed too much in points. And with the 30 points daily I get I feel like I don't have to stress out on how I'm going to feel satisfied hunger wise with so little points. I've been eating more fruit and less 1 point snacks. But time will really tell on how I adapt to the new system. Any of you other WW's have any input? How are you fairing?

Day 1-Daily dose of creativity for #reverb10‏

Productive. This is the one word that I chose to describe 2010 for me. I’ve worked on healing my soul, worked on correcting negative thought processes that swim in my mind, and worked on discovering the real me. This journey of self discovery has inspired me to start a blog, take better care of myself (physically and emotionally), and has given me the courage to participate in (and finish) two half marathons. I’ve joined weight watchers this year and continue to volunteer my time on various projects at work and in the community. After all, “Idle hands, idle minds (author unknown)”.

Stellar. This is the one word I imagine I will choose one year from now to encapsulate 2011. My husband will be working in a better work environment (aka at my old job location). I will have met my lifetime weight watchers goal in June. I will have gone shopping for “skinny” clothes shortly there after. I will have competed in the annual Cardinals Care Run for Kids 6k and RAN the whole thing. I will have conquered my low self-esteem and grabbed the world by the balls. NOTHING will have unnerved me by year’s end of 2011.

New points plus may be just what I need to kick this!

Ok...thank you! I thank you and you and yes you hiding in the corner!! :O) I had a 1.4 loss this week. I was going to say "not outstanding but acceptable" but ya know-it is outstanding because I am one step closer to where I'd like to be weight wise. Plus I will be able to keep it off in the long run AND I can get those wedges (although I probably won't because I bought some ww products to help with my journey).

This week weight watchers rolled out PointsPlus. I didn't really know what to expect (except that changes were on the horizon). I must say that I'm confident about the changes. Many things are more points (not so great stuff) but others are now zero (bananas!! yeah). I think that their thought behind the changes was to focus on filling foods verses food in general. The old system you could manipulate your points to fit more bad food into your day as long as there were points. There were rarely any zero point foods/snacks. With the new system that's changed. ALL fresh fruit is now zero points. Most fresh veggies are zero points. This makes grabbing a healthy snack a lil easier for dorks like me. Before I would justify eating a not so great snack (like a 100 calorie hostess snack-formally one point now three points) for passing on a banana or orange (formally two to three points now zero). With the new points system, me being cheap on points, I will opt for the fruit over the hostess and probablyl have a better sense of being satisfied (another ww goal "eating until satisfyied" rather than "eating to be satisfied"). Because the point system changed, so are the allotted amount of points available to me. Not sure how I will feel about that but because things are more points they had to. So the jury is still out on the over all plan but I'm sure it will work.

Tomorrow starts reverb#10 and you're liable to see some "odd" posts. Reverb#10 is a writing project aimed at reflecting on the past year while considering the future. This project has great timing as I am approaching the end of the first year of my blog. You may not know this but I'm big on reflection, improving, changing myself for the better. I want to be a better person to know even if you'll only know me for a moment. When I die I want people to be happy that they knew me. I want them to be able to take something positive from my existence (even if it's "I don't agree with everything she says but she's an honest, fair person who inspired me to think outside my comfort zone.").

I hope you all are having a great week. I hope that something amazing is going on in your life like it is in my life.

just counting down...

the moments until the new weight watchers points system is introduced....until then I shall bore you with my chatter!! Ha ha..I just made a funny (as I roll my eyes).

Anyhow...Thanksgiving went well. Looking back I realize that I didn't really have a great plan. The only thing I remember thinking is that "I'm going to eat mainly the things I don't normally get to eat" (Like turkey, green bean casserole, cranberry) and that I wasn't going to gorge myself. And weirdly enough I went into the day with all of my 35 weekly points. Even weirder I left the day with weekly points left over (17 if I remember correctly). Earlier this week I didn't seem too hungry and even had a day where I had to force myself to eat my everyday points. Not normal for me. I think of food ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. SERIOUSLY I'M THAT BAD.

I had no problems with not using all my points today. Did you know that the Denny's Hickory Grilled Chicken sandwich is 25 points? Yeah, me either. I saw "grilled" and thought "how bad could that be?". Needless to say I ate a lot of zero points for dinner and got my veggie intake tonight. Dinner consisted of steamed broccoli, steamed green beans, 5 steamed carrots, a tomato, and half a cucumber. Thankfully that's holding and was pretty satisfying at the time. Still is but I keep thinking about food and the fact that I bought some puppy chow. Why is it that some people always think about food despite being hungry or not? This tells me I am not keeping myself busy enough!

Tomorrow I am going to go for a walk. The temps will be in the 50's which is fine-I'm a hot blooded person and prefer to walk in these temps. I'm also considering going to the 9 am weight watchers meeting. I'm trying to decide if I want to change meeting times. I currently go on Tuesday nights. I like the leader and most of the folks are about my age. But there is a boy in the group that is doing absolutely great at his weight loss journey. Yes I know that males lose weight easier and quicker than gals but it sometimes hurts my ego (especially after a .6 loss) hearing "oh so and so..what milestone are we celebrating today???" grrrrrrrrr.

Oh, which reminds me, I lost .6 pounds Tuesday for a total of 14.6. I am .4 from my first mini goal of 15lbs and 6.4 from my first 10%. It's safe to say that I am mentally struggling. I thank the heavens I have this blog (and you folks) because with out it how would I keep myself accountable and to whom would I be accountable too? Just because someone doesn't comment doesn't mean someone/anyone isn't reading. Which is just fine. I don't need comments. I need a place to vent.

Tonight/Tomorrow I am going to hash out this exercise/get moving calendar. I was reading something a couple weeks back and a gal said that she does things (sometimes) in ten minute increments. Like a power session. Says that her attention span isn't always long nor is she as motivated as she should. I also remember through my readings that if you do something for 10 minutes that you're likely to continue because you find your mojo. We'll see.

Have a great Sunday!

Just a quickie...

It's been a nice weekend...very low key and on target-points wise. But I didn't get much done, including my calendar with goals and rewards or regular journaling (my journal, aka blog, helps to clear my thoughts and yes, does hold me accountable). It's amazing how quickly time flies! :O) Never fear, I'll squeeze it all in this week!

Ok...real quick...so this goals and rewards thing. I do like the idea and have come up with a few things for weight loss goals. I still want to work on some walking/jogging goals and prepare a food calendar to help make watching what I'm eating easier (which will be so much nicer once the holidays are over.

for losing 15 pounds: New wedge shoes

for losing 25 pounds: New running shirt that I designed (see it here-design on back of shirt only)

for losing 35 pounds: new running shoes

for losing 50 pounds: new hair cut and color

for losing 65 pounds: spa day (pedicure probably..with the hot rocks)

for losing 78 pounds: GOAL WEIGHT --trip to Mall of America (for shopping and hanging with friends!!)

Friday, for this I am thankful.

It's been a very long week. New programs at work implemented that don't function as described. People are frustrated but are nice enough not to take said frustration out on me (their POC). My job entails helping others do their job more efficetently and in a timely manner. They need, I get. They know I didn't create said frustration and that I'm doing all I can to fix "it". But I am still stressed. I love my job; I love the people I work with. We make a great team (if I don't say so myself). For this I am thankful too. Not everyone gets to do a job they are good at, that they love, with a lot of good people.

Earlier this week I posted of my weight watchers progress. I'm not doing too shabby but I'm not doing all I can either (If only I could just do as much for myself as I do for others. But I don't know how). You, my support system, are phenomenal. You're always quick with encouraging words and great suggestions. One was about small rewards for certain steps that lead you to bigger goal (rather than looking at the huge picture)? I'd seen it done on other blogs. A pedicure for five pounds, new pants for ten, a weekend at the spa for 50. It sounds good in theory but is it right for me? I'm at a point in my life that if I want something of monetary value and I have the means to buy it, I get it. I'm also getting to the point in my life that I'm relatively low maintenance. I only get pedicures in the summer when I am able to wear sandals because my cute toes should be seen by all (right?). I get my eyebrows done once a month because I don't want to be a unibrow. And I've not been buying clothes because besides having plenty (in all sizes I might add 16 to 20) I'd rather wait until I need a whole new wardrobe (IE sizes 14 or smaller since I have very few clothing in that size). So what kind of rewards should I consider?

And then a sad thought hit me on my mind on the way home from work Wednesday evening when I was trying to figure this reward thing out. A sad thought I've experienced before but only when I was much younger. I said to myself that I didn't deserve any rewards...that I'd done this to myself. How could I reward myself for something I should already be doing! Needless to say I have work to do. I do still like the idea of small rewards for the small milestones. It's important to keep myself motivated and sometimes words alone may not keep my going. This weekend I'm going to sit down, with a calendar, and break it all down. New "let's keep moving" goals, healthier food plans, and small rewards for reaching different milestones. Because despite what the little girl inside says-I do deserve it!!

1.8 lost for a total of 14 lbs lost in 8 weeks.

I should be happy but I feel like I've got a long way to go to reach my goal weight. It's daunting and I question whether I have the "ump" to make it to goal. I should be exercising more. And I should be content with my 1.8 (average of near 2 lbs a week). But I'm not really on either. My goal was to lose 2 lbs a week with a few 3 lbers in there here and there. Another goal was to be doing 3 miles every other day, working myself to a jog. Neither are being accomplished and I have to be honest and say I know why. And you know why too-you're not stupid. And as the holiday comes upon us I'm not as optimistic as I could be RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT. However, I will continue to put one foot in front of the other because I can see slight changes. I will continue to log, track, weigh in, go to meetings. This is my future I am writing about. This is me I am trying to save.

I know that losing the weight like I am is likely to help me keep it off permanently. I mean really, I didn't gain everything overnight so how can I hope to wake up one morning and all of the extra weight be gone.

Odd week...but it will be ok.

I'll get straight to the point: I'm not sure really how I feel about my Tuesday weigh in. My heart tells me it will be fine but my brain isn't so sure. While I've tracked everything, a few of my choices were not on point (pecan apple pie or puppy chow). And those few things ate up a lot of my points that could have been used on real food. But I did stay with in points (although I had to use 3 of my activity points) and this morning I saw the number 204 on the scale (which would be a loss). BUT (there's always a but) I don't like to get cocky about things because cocky usually gets me into trouble. So I will simply say I will accept what THEIR scale says Tuesday morning and work from there.

Today we had a pre-Thanksgiving celebration so that I can prepare for the real deal. I'm terrified of over eating on family gathering holidays. The weight watchers lady leader person said to save all your "anytime" points for that day. That is very hard for me (especially knowing the store sells puppy chow aka chex mix with peanut butter and chocolate). I like treats. Some days I am good and have "healthy" treats (yogurt, jello, sherbet) that are 2 pts or less. But other days I really really need (or think I need) to for-go good food options so that I can have the 9 point shortbread cookie from St Louis Bread Co. Anyhow this week I was able to save 14.5 of my weekly points for our pre-Thanksgiving festivities. It was clearly not enough when I was introduced to Pecan Apple Pie from Cracker Barrel. I had two small pieces. I wasted 20 points. YEs, I said 20. and that's only if I calculated correctly. Ok..it'll be alright. I had some activity points...It will be ok....my week isn't shot....

Have a great great week...and I'm looking forward to Tuesdays weigh in!

well, it was a loss....

not much of one but a loss none the less. I weighed in this am and was down .8 of a pound. I was a bit caught off guard because the scale at home said something slightly different. But it's cool-just means I'll lose more NEXT week! :O)

I also realized that there was a problem with my numbers. When your first or second number in weight changes, so does your daily points allowance. I had expected it to go down a couple of weeks ago when I went under 210 but when I went to the online tools, typed in my loss, the computer never changed. And it should have. So for the last two weeks I've had seven points too many each week. I'm awful lucky I didn't lose less or gasp...gain!

But it's all good. I've got under control. I've got the fridge stocked with one point weight watcher yogart (they was on sale!! :O)~ And I know I'm gonna rock next weeks weigh in!

Down 2.4 and feeling great

I'm feeling great folks-it ain't no lie! I feel like I have a little bit more control these days. I don't always make what other would think to be the best food choices but I feel just fine. I know that in the future I will have to address certain issues of over eating but for right now I just don't want to ever feel deprived. Life is just too short to deprive one self.

Kind of funny thing before I sign off for the night. Last night before my ww meeting I logged in my loss. Each week you log in your progress it will have a little message for you (great job, keep it up). Well this week there was a bit of a nasty gram despite my 2.4 loss. It said "you are losing too much weight too quickly...doing this could cause health issues in the long run. Please consult your physician." I'm averaging 2.3 pounds a week. The most I've ever lost in one week was the 3.8. I kind of snorted at my computer because what do these folks expect? We sign up to learn to control our eating and follow the guidelines as directed. If you go from eating 60 plus points a a day to no more than 31 points a day of course your going to lose pounds. right? I mean what else is supposed to happen?

I'm not worried about it though. I know my body. I would be more concerned if I lost 8 pounds the first week or consistently lost 6 pounds a week until my goal weight. My goal is and will continue to be to lose no less than 2 pounds but no more than 3.5 pounds a week (and that only for a couple weeks here and there because I want to be at my goal weight (140) by June 1st 2011).

Have a great week!!

Thank heavens halloween is over!!

1st off...I'm so glad that Halloween is over!! Although I have too much Candy left over, I've regained my composure. Or shall I say discipline. I don't know what came over me but I gobbled up over 10 small pieces of chocolate. Yes, I logged it ALL! What a great waste of points. It was good but not that good! :O) I will say that some good has come out of it...I learned how to make cabbage soup. It was delicious!

Last week I lost 2 pounds at weight watchers. Tomorrow is weigh in and we shall see. I'm 2 pounds away from my 5%. I won't say more--they're all greedy thoughts anyhow (like how I"d love to lose 3 pounds or even 4 just cuz it'd be nice) but I'd be quite satisfied with 2 pounds.

Exciting news on the personal front: I'm signing up for the Sweat4pets 5k that will take place Nov 14th in my area. Sweat4pets is a 5k/10k run or 1 mile fun walk that raises money for Operation Spot (Stop Pet Overpopulation Today). Their mission is to "facilitates affordable spaying and neutering by area veterinarians; advises on public policies about spaying, neutering, and responsible dog and cat care; educates the public about responsible dog and cat care...). Anyhow, I contacted the gal to make sure I could participate (since the flyer said 5k run) and she assured me that it was ok to jog/walk the 5k if I choose. I so choose!!!

Ok, so before I close let me tell a few things I've learned about myself this week. I learned that:

*I do like squash AND zucchini
*I can make cabbage soup (AND like it)
*I can stick to the points plan despite my lousy choices and
*things are more fun if I pay for it; literally and figuratively speaking

Yes, I am a glutton for punishment but hell, you only live once!

And we keep marching forward...

Thanks Genie!! I think you jinxed me on the work front. :O) As some of you know..I started a new job a few weeks ago. For the most part, it’s been good. I’d say great but when it comes to working outside the home away from my baby it can never be that great (I don’t understand why they won’t let me bring him to work now and then-He’s potty trained and pretty quiet!)!

Any-who, as per all new jobs there are and will be growing pains. People getting used to you and your work style while you get used to them and their work style (or lack there of). For the most part, again, it’s been good. Yes, I’ve been overwhelmed and cried one day (I’m a big ole baby). But I pulled myself together and sucked it up. My theory is-If I get it wrong I get it wrong; everything can be fixed (with a memo of course). And I’ve been working very hard at not letting someone else’s tude dictate my tude. For the most part this has been working as I’ve not snapped anyone’s head off (yet). There is however one individual that doesn’t like me and IMO has made this quite obvious by the things done, said, unsaid. I really don’t care whether or not she likes me (ha) because I will be here a lot longer than she will (she can retire whenever whereas I have 21 years, 11 months before I can retire w/max benies). But it’s a bit unfortunate. We spend the majority of our days at work. And this is a small office. VERY SMALL OFFICE. “Can’t we all just get a long!!” boohhoooohhoo.

Last week was a pretty stressful week weight watchers wise mostly because of my stress at work. I just couldn’t stop wanting to eat. It made no difference if I was hungry or not or that I said “you just want it because you are frustrated”. If I could have I would have EATEN EVERYTHING including a MC RIB MEAL LARGE everyday. Thankfully I some how kept most of my wits about it all (by the grace of God I might add because I had very little to do with it) and have stayed w/in my points range (barely). Since weigh in is tomorrow, today is the last day of my week. I had my regular 26 points and 1.5 weekly left. I told the hubsters that I was eating light tonight (healthy light) because of the lack of points. So far today I’m doing good…I’ve only used 3 points this morning and lunch will be about 5. I’m hoping that tomorrow means I go down one ww point. If I lose 2 pounds I’m in the next lower bracket. If I lose 4 pounds I hit my 5% goal. Sigh.

Right now I am averaging 2 pounds a week (which is good). If I continue to lose an average of 2 pounds a week I will be at my goal weight in 39 weeks (June 21st 2011-just in time for the big ole 41). You have to be at your goal weight (within 2 pounds) for 6 weeks before you become lifetime. I wonder if it’s feasible and acceptable to have a goal of making my goal weight by May 30th, so that I can be life member by July 5th, 3 days before my 41st birthday?

Quote of the week "A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him." – David Brink

still kicking along

Although it hasn't been the best week (it hasn't been the worst either) I've stuck with weight watchers and tracking my food. I've had many moments of aggravation in the last two weeks and am happy to see that I am not turning to food for a cure all. I have had a "screw it I'm gonna eat that donut" moment BUT I've tracked it and worked it into my points. This gives me a sense of feeling that I am letting go of my "all or nothing" tendencies. So many times before I have let my emotions dictate how and what I eat. But this time round. Woohoo for me.

The weight watchers meeting has helped. I think that they (or whom ever said it); being on weight watchers gives me a sense of being in control. I also like that the leaders have been in our shoes. We are all getting more comfy with each other and enjoy sharing ideas, recipes, etc. If things get much tougher (emotionally) I have the option of using my monthly pass to go to more meetings; if time permitted.

Today instead of a meeting I chose to work on my flower bed. Very thankful I did. I was able to get my emotions under wraps and by dinner I was stress free.

Have a great rest of the week. I'm going to the weight watchers open house tomorrow night-hoping to get 3 free months of weight watchers free! That would be such a relief!

Not a great weigh in...

I lost one (1) pound this week. I'm not thrilled...I feel like I should have lost more. But I had a feeling "it" wasn't going to be a great number. I'm not sure why I had a feeling (considering I didn't use all the points available to me)but I did and it came true. At least I'm still going in the right direction; very slowly in the right direction. 71.8 pounds to lose. Gosh--did I type that out!! ugh...

I WILL NOT GIVE UP
I WILL NOT QUIT WEIGHT WATCHERS
I WILL CONTINUE TO STAY WITH IN MY POINTS
ALTHOUGH THERE WILL BE POINTS LEFT BEHIND!!

Good bye week 3, hello week 4.

It's been a pretty decent week (except for a minor confrontation with the president of our Home Owners Association) and am excitedly awaiting my Tuesday weigh in. I end the week with 12 weekly points left over. If I tracked right of course. I think I did but I don't want to be cocky. Tracking is getting easier and I'm finding that I'm not as "munchy" or eating mindlessly. It doesn't hurt that I started in the new office and all the treats (and people who want to go out to lunch) are at the old office. I'm also amazed that I have not stepped on the scale at home at all this week. I haven't even been tempted (until now of course).

OMG...there is a Santa Claus!!!

Today I weighed in at 747am. Last week was a huge struggle...I hovered at the top of my point range all week and I think I even went over. But then again I do approximate high (I'd rather guess too many than too little). Anyhow...I lost 3.8 pounds this week!! I totally DID rock it!! I'm stoked. And yesterday and today I haven't used any of my anytime points and even ended the day with 1 left over (although today ain't done yet--I could still go for an orange or something).

Please let this continue to be a great week!!! PLEASSSEEEE!

I'll post more later...about the ww meeting! Have a great week!!

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger...

or healthier and skinnier in my case!! :O)

Wow...It's going on two weeks that I've been on Weight Watchers. This time around I'm actually paying to do the program (before I've learned from friends how to calculate points etc) and I think it was a good choice for me (right now). I'm not confident that I will be able to continue to pay for the program (to attend meetings, go and weigh in, the wonderful website) but I have budgeted myself 3 months of ww at which time I will re-evaluate to see if it something I need to continue to budget in.

Yesterday I did a bunch of running around. It's been a rough past few weeks and my emotions have been a bit like riding a roller coaster. My self esteem has been in and out of the wash. As I was prancing towards the door of one establishment, I suddenly felt "skinnier". I don't know what made me feel that way but I was thankful for the feeling. It's been a long time coming...

Tomorrow is weigh in. I'm a lil nervous because I went over on my weekly points. By late Saturday I was 7 in the hole. Yesterday I ended the day with 4 left over but I'm not sure that that will offset the -7. Even if it does I was at least 3 over. Sometimes eating is hard, especially when you eat out a lot. The quick answer/suggestion is to "stop eating out" but that isn't always feasible around here. Thankfully though the hubs saw my anguish last night during dinner and said "we'll figure something out so that we can eat home cooked meals more often." Thank the Lord! It's also helpful that the weather is turning cooler (our house gets excruciatingly hot when we cook inside...)...

Tuesday Weight In and such

Yesterday was my weigh in day for Weight Watchers. I'm down 2.2 lbs...which is nice. After a full week of really really tracking I realize just how quickly points add up. And it's amazing how many points some things are that you think are not many at all. I used five of my points today on a Strawberry banana smoothie from McDonald's. I won't be doing that again for a while...it's not what I want to use my points on (it wasn't the satisfying)! :O)

My body has come back and I'm ready to get moving. I'm trying to decide on a plan of action. One of my past goals was to be able to run 3 miles straight without stopping. I still want to achieve this goal but I'm not sure when a realistic time of being able to do 3 miles without stopping is. I also wonder what kind of exercerise schedule I should work up. all about the details right!

Also, I went to a weight watchers meeting last night. It was nice as well. I'm going to go to another meeting this weekend (try out a different "teacher/spokesperson") to see if it something I want to continue or if it's something I really need.

2nd half marathon in the bag...here's what I learned

I am so...thankful. I participated in my 2nd half marathon on Sunday and what an experience. Amazingly I only wavered once prior to the race on not showing up...that was during traffic on the way there. It was horrendous. But I figured I was almost there, why not? I texted One Crazy Penguin to let her know what was up and where I would be.

So I arrive at the race venue at approximately 630am (after sitting in traffic for 35 mins) and decided to hit the john, or porta potty as it is so lovingly referred to, just in case. I soon realized that I hadn't had a number 2 for some time and prayed I wouldn't have to anytime soon. I was fearful. Who really wants to do that in the porta potty with 100's of folks waiting outside for their turn. Well, I didn't have a choice and I'm very thankful for those porta potties. and I'm very sorry to the person who entered after me.

After that I went to stand in line with the "15+" pace line. I was looking for "hot pink knee socks". I saw none. I soon realized I had forgotten to tell Tiina what I was wearing. The race started at 715am and the lines started to move. Still no hot pink knee socks. I crossed the start line at about 736. The first 2 miles were, how shall we put it, hell. So many walkers. I never knew there would be SO MANY WALKERS!! Now mind you, I don't mind walkers; I am a seasoned walker. But there were so many of them (excuse my grammer/puncuation-I've lost my English book) and boy were some fast walkers. I probably did not use my energy wisely the first two miles as I was jogging in and around walkers whose pace was not to my liking. It is no offense to them, I just need space. By mile 3 I had found a zone and was good with it. I would jog a lil, walk a lil and repeat. Over and over and over. This got me through the first five miles; until I realized that my lovely garmin was stating I had gone six miles, not five. WTF (later my pal stated that my strides are shorter than the average thus making it seem I went more miles).

By mile 8 I was beside myself with emotion. I can't even explain it. Although there were some wonderful spectators cheering us on (some even calling me by my name) I could hear individuals from my past saying mean things. I shed a few tears and said to myself "it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it only matters what I think. You're doing GREAT, you can do this." Then I started chanting (silently to myself) a silly lil cheer from grade school. "That's ok, it's alright, you can beat them anytime!" I have no idea why but it got me to mile nine and that's all that matters. Miles 9 to 11 were relatively uneventful. One foot in front of the other. Until I came to this one gal who was yelling at herself. There had already been some interesting folks doing this half marathon (like the old gals trying to get the truckers to honk their horns as were were crossing the bridge and the beauty queen with her hair done to a tee-poofy but to a t) but she took the cake. I've heard of tactics to keep yourself motivated but that scared me (sorry).

I finished the half marathon in 3 hr and 35 mins. 7 minutes faster than my previous half marathon. By myself, with no friend to use as a crutch. My legs are sore, very sore. Had I trained properly I could have done better. But I learned a vaulable lesson. I can jog without feeling like people are staring at me waiting for me to screw up. I was able to find a mental zone and keep going. Besides, I realize, who cares how I run as long as I run.



P.S. Tiina-I'm sorry we couldn't meet; we'll plan better for the next time! I'll be wearing the same outfit so you can find me!!

Beautiful Day in this neighborhood!!

I just got back from a 3 mile walk. My time wasn't bad (16 min mile) for a pretty leisurely pace. This time tomorrow I will be done with my 2nd Half Marathon, will have met an awesome local blogger, and watched the final home game for the St. Louis Cardinals (yes all this by 3 pm!). I'm looking forward to tomorrows events although I don't know how the who eating plan will go. Speaking of food-my stomachs growling. I've had a yogurt and bowl of cereal today. Entirely not enough to function properly!! :O) I have had 64 ounces of water today!!

I got the promotion at work. It's a bit bittersweet but we're both happy that one of us got the position (although he is still miffed at the system. Said what hurt the worst about the whole process is that he didn't even get an interview even though he made the list of qualified applicants. As you know, in the military you don't get interviews for promotions or for a job change. You're job performance says it all. I didn't remind him that my job performance says it all and I worked hard to advance. I just let him say his peace and we've moved on.). I'm very excited for this opportunity and we will make the best of it!

So anyhow...Good luck to everyone who is participating in a run/walk/outdoor activity tomorrow. Be safe and have tons of fun. Oh, and talk lots of pictures for us to see!! :O)

Okie dokie...week is almost over...

Ok...so I have offically been on the weight watchers program for 3 days (gosh-seems so much longer!). I could actually count it 4 days because I wrote down what I ate on Monday and was able to put that on my chart. The charting is so much easier these days with the online thing. Of course, after just a short few days, this gives me every indication that I need to PLAN AHEAD; especially for eating out. I also noticed that some things that I THOUGHT would be low in points (fat free cottage cheese slim fast shake) were actually a lil more than I really wanted to consume for a "treat". It's amazing how quickly the points fly out the window. Thankfully this will get eaiser.

I picked up my race packet today for the 1/2 marathon. I'm looking forward to the challenge. I anticipate doing it on my own and I'm cool with it. I need to do this just for me, by myself, no one else. Yes there were be serveral thousand folks around me (ha ha with the majority in front of me!!) so I technically won't be alone. But at the last race I wasn't really "there". I was there walking but my mind was elsewhere. My friend was there constantly saying 'focus-this way'. This time I want to be there physcially, mentally, and emotionally and I think I will do better if I have to do it myself. I know it sounds funny but I'm sure some of you can relate. You and your friend do things together. You get so comfortable that you can do these things on auto-pilot, almost like second nature. One day you and your friend are walking along and suddenly you realize that your journey is almost done and you've not enjoyed any of it.

I will be meeting up with one of our fellow bloggers (One Crazy Penquin) to pump each other up and/or congratulate each other on our finishes. She seems like such a fun gal and I'm looking foward to meeting her. Maybe we will even get to take some pics!!

Weight Watchers here I am!!

Ok, so this morning...I signed up for weight watchers meeting w/etools. I'm diggin the etools-makes tracking easier. I jotted down what and how much I ate and tonight entered it ALL. Even the wine. It's cool though, with the help of etools I can tweak what I eat OUT so that I can enjoy dinner with the hubs and lose weight without starving him. win win both of us.

I have realized that I have taken this whole job thing just way way too personally. I felt like I'd let him down. I had encouraged him to try for something knowing that he might not obtain his desired end. But the truth is; he may not have gotten the job even if I hadn't applied. I also realized today that it's not me he's mad at. It's the hiring system (civilian and private sector) that has got him seeing red, feeling disappointed, and disheartened. I'm sure there are many others who have felt this pain considering how far in the toliet our job market is.

But it's not the end of the world. I know things will work out great. It just takes time. And he and I got nothing but time. He and I will continue to help and support each other in our endeavors.

yeah for Mondays!!!

With Mondays comes the start of a NEW week! Ok, maybe not for some but I choose to look at it that way. I do like Mondays...for the most part! I did not make it to Weight Watchers today BUT they open at 7am tomorrow for questions, consulting, and hopefully signing folks up. They have plenty of evening and weekend meetings. I really feel this is a good choice for me. I'm going to try it for 3 months and then go from there. I feel like I need outside help, from folks who don't know me but know what I"m going through. Kind of like you all help me emotionally.

Also, I have decided NOT to whimp out on the 1/2 marathon coming up on Sunday. My gal pal is not doing it with me (something has come up and she will be unable to attend), I will be on my own. Me, God, and a bunch of other folks. I'm aiming for 3 hrs 15 mins (30mins faster than the last one) but will be happy with just plain beating my last time considering the lack of substantial training.

Have a great week and thank you so much for listening!

A new day...

I appreciate every ones kind words and prays. I know that my issues I choose to write about may seem insignificant compared to others given what we hear about daily in the news (or what one of you may be going through but don't speak of) but it is significant to me. I want my family, especially my husband, happy. Seeing him in pain is difficult. It's not just his job situation that brings him pain, it's his neck and back injury that the doctors don't know how to fix.

Anyhow, It's also just a small piece of my puzzle.

I think the bigger issue of my puzzle is how I've viewed myself. For the longest time I was encouraged to view myself as unworthy no matter how much effort I put into the "project" (IE relationships or jobs). I know that this is not true but this is still a daily struggle for me. I constantly have to remind myself that I put my pants on the same way everyone else does; one leg at a time. Whem I met my husband I was enamored by his confidence. I wanted that confidence. He wasn't cocky confident mind you. He was down to earth, I can do anything confident. And he encouraged my confidence to blossom. And it was working or so I thought.

Tomorrow I am signing up for weight watchers. I'm still debating between online or in person. I need help. I thought I could do it on my own but I'm not holding myself completely accountable when it comes to food. I have a 1/2 marathon scheduled for next Sunday. I've not prepared as well as I did for the last one so I'm a bit nervous. I know that I can do it, just not sure how my feet will come out of it.

Change is a coming...I just pray my marriage will survive!

Yes, change is a coming. Change is inevitable...a person has just got to prepare the best way they can. My world (especially emotional), in my humble opinion, has been in turmoil most of the summer. My husband applied for a promotion within his company and got passed over. Shortly after the passover management approached him and said "we know that you applied for another position (that you didn't get) and we think you would be great for this other position." The position was his, all that was left was for the old boss to release him to the new department and the new department to accept the date of release. Long story short, they couldn't agree on a date (two weeks) so he lost the position. Totally not fair but nothing I (or he for that matter) can do.

Earlier this year (prior to hubs dilemma) I caught wind that so and so was retiring within my organization. I was asked if I would be interested in it and would I be applying. I said "heavens yes, it's what I've been working towards." Between that time (Mayish) and the time the job officially posted (Julyish) many folks were "going to bat for me". I'm not trying to sound conceited but I'm a damn good employee; I work my butt off; I put EVERYONE else before myself. The job posted and I mentioned it to my husband. Mind you he has NEVER applied for any of the other positions I have mentioned before. He got really excited about this job and applied himself. I encouraged him to apply. It would be closer to home. He would have so many more benefits that he doesn't currently have. I figured I could bow out of the running and all would be good in my world.

Bowing out of applying for the job went over like a turd in a swimming pool. I wanted my husband happy but no one was getting that. I know getting this job would make him happy. But the folks who had "gone to bat for me" were not excited to hear that I wanted to bow out (I told them that my husband was applying but they didn't "get it") so I felt obligated to apply (I'm not into burning bridges and sensed that this is what I would have done if I had not applied). I prayed that they would choose him over me because of veterans status. Yes, there was no guarantee that he would get the job had I not applied. But I now wish I would have not applied and found out.

Two weeks ago I was told that I would be splitting my time between my job and the job in which someone is retiring. The list of applicants has been printed but no interviews have been done yet-they are still looking over resumes. Everyone thinks I have the job. I am not so certain; anything is possible and I have been in this position before (applying for a job, doing it and then it going to someone else). My husband is a bit disheartened-he is wondering why apply for something when they already know who they want. I understand where he is coming from (I HAVE been in his shoes). He is a veteran with preference points and is supposed to get more consideration for certain positions (IE governmental positions). I am an existing employee looking at a promotion. Either way the organization could not go wrong with either of us working in that position. I've mentioned to those in a position to hire that my hubs has applied for the position (and yes, stating he would not be a bad choice) on various occasions but I can't make them hire him over nor do I want to burn any of my bridges.

I feel so torn. I wanted this position. I've been working towards a position like this. It would be closer to home, in an organization I love, AND a raise to boot. BUT I would not be upset if they gave the position to someone else...especially someone like my husband. It's been really stressful around here. Hubs says "oh I don't care" but I know he does. I know he is frustrated with work in general...who wouldn't be after losing a promotion because your bosses are dicks and can't comprimise on a release date? But I also feel frustrated because I've worked so hard myself to make myself the best assistant possible. I've lost promotions because of dickhead bosses too. I've applied for hundreds of jobs not to get even an interview.

I've prayed to God for peace on this. I've asked for help to release this and let God do what's best. That's so hard when you look at your husband and see disappointment. Him getting this job would be such a wonderful boost to his confidence and ego. Me not getting this job/promotion would might take some pressure off or at least (maybe) make me feel less of jerk for applying. Stupid politics in the work place. I so wish I had not applied for the position. I think burning my bridges then would have been so much easier than what I am going through right now. There is nothing wrong with my current position. I have an awesome boss and love my current job-I should have left well enough alone!

Yes...I'm still here...

Hello my friends...I've been absent for much longer than I had inticipated. I've been overly tired, midly stressed, and to be quite honest-depressed. Things never go how you plan nor how you'd hoped...normally it's no biggie (that's life) but I feel stretched to the limit. Mentally I'm still pretty sharp (I'd better be-I'm splitting my time between two offices right now doing at least 3 peoples jobs on top of my own! :) but I'm emotionally drained (notice I did not say physically!!). Oh and it's year end at work!

Ok...enough whining...before I scamper off under my rock...I want to thank Finding the Thin Within for the awesome give away...I'm looking forward to working with Jullian and her Banish Fat Boost Metabolism! Thanks Katie!!!

Sometimes being bad isn't as fun as it used to be

target daily points 26 points
points earned for exercising 3.5 (50 mins of moderate walking)
total 29.5 points
points total today 49.5 points
overage/shortage 20 points over (not calculating flex points)

Breakdown of points...

Slimfast (Br) 4 points
black coffee (Br) 0 points
Cottage cheese with pinnapple (L) 2 points
Turkey meatloaf (1/2 serv)(L) 2 points
Pumpkin bread muffins (sn) 4.5 points
candy bar (mini) (SN) 1 point
70 oz water (all day) 0 points
4 slices pep pizza papa john(D) 27 points
bbq wings (3) (D) 9 points
3 pieces sugar free gum (walk) 0 points

you see where I went bad right? And I don't even understand why I did it...Yes I was hungry but not that hungry and the food wasn't even "fantastic"....And now It's sitting on my stomach like a rock and made my walk this evening SUCK. Plus, This means that tomorrow (and the rest of the week) I am going to have to watch my food like a hawk and not splurge (or if I do "splurge" splurge on low point treats like yogart, icey cups, or pudding).

Shred the Shred...Day 5, 6, and 7

Ok...so I'm not doing the Shred as prescribed. However, I am doing SOMETHING. Day 5 I walked 2.87 miles and did 10 mins of Shred, day 6 I walked 3.1 miles, and day 7 I walked 2 miles. The weather has been really nice and when it's really nice I'm not into do the shred.

The rest of the week is as follows:

Tomorrow (day 8) Shred and walk 3 miles
Thursday (day 9) Shred and ride stationary bike for 30 mins
Friday (day 10) Shred only
Saturday (day 11) Walk/jog 6 miles
Sunday (day 12) Shred and walk 4 miles

I've also done something this week that I haven't done in awhile and that's make my lunch to take for work. This will help me keep with portion control. I also have some skim milk on hand so that I can have a bowl of cereal each morning.

Have a great rest of the week.

Day 4; the Shred

I didn't get to the SHred today...BUT I did walk/jog 3.05 miles in 43 mins (that's an average of 14 min a mile which is GREAT for me) My quickest mile was 13.48 so I'm getting there. And the night is still young (it's 830pm cst) so I can still get the Shred in after hubby goes to sleep. I'm really proud of myself though...I pushed myself on my walk/jog. and I'm going to do it again tomorrow. And then the next day. The weather is wonderful.

And the Cherrie on Top Award goes to...

Me Me Me...

Wanna Be Runner over at One Crazy Penguin was gracious enough to think of me after receiving her award.



For the Cherrie on Top Award I must:

1. Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

I agree that everything happens for a reason but if I could go back and change something it would be my love for excercise (or lack there of). It is SO hard to change bad habits and learn to love something that you've avoided for so long. I really wish I would have applied myself years ago in P.E. and stuck with track.


2. Pick 6 people and give them this award. You then have to inform the person that they have been selected for the award.

I love the blogging world. I get to view others points of view from the comfort of my own surroundings (normally home) and converse with them without fear of (insert appropriate word because it alludes me at the moment). Basically, I feel a sense of belonging reading the various blogs I do. I feel real encouragement from you guys and on various levels. I feel like I can actually have an intellectual conversation without feeling insecure. I also feel like I CAN change my life and that I will be ok when I fall because someone out there in the blogging world understands my pain and will encourage me to get back up. These folks are amazing, smart, beautiful, passionate people. Thank you for sharing in my journey.

So, without further a-do, These are some of the awesome blogs that I love to read (the rest are on my side bar). Check them out!

1. The Gatsby Diaries
2. Endurance isn't only Physical
3. Diet of 51
4. My Jog Blog
5. Deb Shrinks
6. Believing it's Possible

3. You have to thank the person (people) who gave you the award...

Thanks again Wanna Be Runner (wish I knew your real first name/nickname!)...I truly enjoy reading your blog and seeing your journey. So here's to you...

Day three of the Shred

I can't believe I did that damn dvd again! what is up with that? Three days in a row without having to be bribed! Yikers for sure. BUT all the exercises are doable and there is really no excuse as to why I don't do the damn thing. Like good old Jillian says "it's 20 mins people". Pfft. Grrr.

I'd have to say that my biggest challenge will be/is the side legged squat that you lift the hand weights up to your eyes. Actually-I think they are called side lunges. And I don't think I am doing them right. But whatever. I can't even walk and chew gum at the same time. They suck and I suck at doing them. Which leads me to my second biggest challenge-the butt kicks. Yes I can kick my own butt. But I can't seem to run in one place AND kick my own butt. I'm sure I'll get it though. I grasp that concept better than them stupid side lunges. But I give myself props for trying.

I totally rock on the jumping jacks (ha-I know-everyone can do them but I feel like I can do them perfectly!!) and I'm getting better at the push ups. The sit ups/crunches are gettig "easier" as well. Ok not the bicycle crunches but the others. Again, I CANNOT walk and chew gum at the same time. There are just some things that don't come natural to me. At all. BUt I am confident that in time I can grasp it all and even do them without seeing having to watch Jillian do them. I might even get "faster" so that I can do more of them in the span of time. I can hope anyway.

Day Two

Oy. About 2 pm my legs started to ache. Right above the knees. I've felt this ache before so I wasn't concerned. I was however a bit impressed. As I stated in the previous post, I started doing the 30 Day Shred yesterday. There were many squats, jumping jacks, and butt kicks (literally!) so I was glad to see that the dvd is working. But it also made me nervous...although the exercises are doable, I am very slow. Will I ever get quicker? It was quite the debate on the drive home. But determination won out and I did the Shred for a second day.

Today the hubby left for a meeting. I quickly got the brownies in the oven (for a co workers birthday tomorrow you silly bloggers!!) and popped the dvd in. And away I went. My endurance was up a bit from yesterday, in part because I was wearing my tennis shoes (yesterday I did it barefoot) and my footing seemed better. But mainly because I was excited to test my body, to see if this dvd works. I'm not a big fan of Jillian's voice (sorry-it's like nails on a chalkboard) but her words hit me. "Keep moving, it's only 20 minutes, you'll get stronger each day, aren't you worth it". And so I kept moving.

Jillian Michaels Shred, Day 1

Ok so Syl at Live Smile Run is having a September challenge. There were two options: 30 day Shred with Jillian Michaels or 20 minutes every day (This one entails you doing 20 minute of activity of your choice!). Sorry folks...the challenge is closed to newbies (closed Aug31st) BUT you can follow along with me until you can join her next challenge in October.

Anyhow, I chose Jillian. Someone (Sarah at Gatsby Diaries) had recommended the dvd to me a few days prior when I asked about work out dvds. I had just purchased it when I saw Syl's challenge; so I took it as a sign to "grab the bull by the horns" and do it. Last night was my first day doing it. It took less than 30 minutes (the actual exercising is like 20 minutes but getting set up, warmed up, and ready takes time too). And it's safe to say that I got my butt showed to me. All of the exercises ARE do-able for me but I was showed (once again) how not in shape I am. I can't wait until my strength is better and I can keep up. I will say though-I prefer Bob's Yoga dvd. At least right now.

It can be a bit daunting at times...

Not knowing what's next. Not knowing what happened and/or why it even happened. You just know you need to get up every morning, put your big kid clothes on, and march back out there and give it your best shot!



My favorite thing about life is the plain and simple fact that (IMO) each year I get older, I get a little better. Each birthday I get a little calmer and seem to have more patience; even for myself. Each year I become a little more forgiving and not so quick to judge; Even of myself and the mistakes I've made (and continue to make). Each year I get a little stronger, a little more confident, and a little more beautiful (inside and out).



These are things that they don't teach you in kindergarten. They (parents, teachers, and others in our community) may make mention of life getting better with age; but never specifics about what part will get better and what to look for! I guess there's some good to that...if they were specific it wouldn't have been such a pleasant surprise!

staying a float and trucking along...

Boy...it's been a rough few weeks on many levels and I'm happy to have survived. NOt that any of it was life threatening (except maybe the box of Amos cookies). It's just really rough when everything is coming at you and no one to play body guard for you. I think the worse was when some Jack ash called me a fat whore because we were not driving fast enough for him to get through the light. I really hate it when people utilize unnecessary (and uncalled for) name calling. My husband can't believe I'm still torked about it but it really--was that the best the douchebag could come up with?? It just struck a nerve you know. It's like grow up and be a productive person in society not a wart!

I'm happy to report that I've been eating some what like crap (no just kidding-I'm not HAPPY to report but no sense me crying right-I've got bigger fish to fry-like the jack ash who...). I've been uberly motivated in the exercising department for the last 8 days STRAIGHT. I've done about 20 miles of biking and 15 miles of soft jogging/mostly walking. Two of those days I just did a mile or mile and a half BUT I'm hustling. I tried to do a work out video today but it SUCkED BIG ONES. I tried a 10 min Pilate's, sweating to the oldies, and a walking one; I just couldn't get into it. I miss my Bob dvd (BIggest loser Yoga). It's at work. Guess I won't let THAT happen again!

You all got an exciting workout dvd worth looking into?

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...or seven!

Determining your worth...

It's not about money. It's not about houses. It's not about a career. It's certainly not about who your family is. It's not about trips here or abroad. And It's definitely not about the trinkets or rewards you acquire while on your journey. It's about finding balance. It's about learning limits and the art of compromise. It's about finding you in the mix of all the chaos. And most importantly, it's about acceptance and loving who you are despite that chaos.

I've not always had great self worth. I've often put others needs in front of my own mainly because that is what I was taught (others before thyself). I've not always respected myself, giving freely of EVERY part of my being to scumbags in hopes that they would see I'm worth "it" and opt to stick around in my life. There have been times, in the midst of great chaos, that I've determined that I am not worth "it" so why even bother. Thankfully this is changing.

During my journey I have remembered my strength and acknowledged that maybe I have never lost my strength despite what my alter ego claimed. I am also realizing that my courage never really left either, just took a back seat. It's time for me to dig deep and remind myself of the times I've put my mind to something and accomplished great things.

So it is on this date, the 17th of August 2010 that I declare to myself and the world...

Lost: Motivation; Reward if found

I've lost my mojo. I don't know where it is. If you see it, send it back to me please. I'll reimburse you for your troubles. Occasionally I've found it myself, sitting on the couch or napping in the bedroom, but it runs screaming from the room because it has no desire to do anything productive. AT ALL. And I'm concerned. There are 49 days until my next half marathon. And I am not really prepared. Ok, I'm not prepared at all. The most I've walked in recent weeks is 10 miles but my average is 4miles. And that's not even consistant; as in 2 days a week is all I've been walking. And I am close to admitting that I may never be a runner (because of motivational issues), that I may be destin to being a fast walker.

Occasionally I will come across an article/story about someone who has made changes in there life that has enabled them to shed pounds, adjust their outlook on life, and live a happy, more active life. These changes have strengthened their bond with the spouses/signficant others, as well as with themselves and their faith. When asked "How did you do it?" they claim "I just woke up one day and started doing it." Can someone please explain how this happens and how I can "wake up one day and just do it." Over the last 7 months I have given myself every tool possible (new work out shoes, new work out clothes, books, internet searchs on food, exercise, emotions-and I've had a treadmill for over a year) in order to make the life changes I seek and nothing seems to have fully stuck. Now, I'm not being a Debbie Downer-I just need help understanding how I can get myself to "wake up one day and just do it". I envy those who jog and get into "the zone". I want that zone.

I love being out in nature, observing my surroundings, smiling at the beauty of it all. I feel at peace when I'm strolling along...and peace is sometimes hard to come by. Lately, I have not been able to enjoy nature. The mold count has been through the roof, as has been the humidity. How do those of you with allergy issues handle being out in the mold? I can avoid some of the humidity/heat by walking late at night or dragging my arse out of bed early in the morning. But the allergins in the air, especially mold, give me headaches that sometimes lead to migranes. I could just suck it up and use the treadmill (sweet hubby bought an industrial type fan to help cool the rooms in our house) but I want to be outside.

Still kickin...

I've been crazy busy. I like crazy busy but it's making me a lil crazy. Surprisingly I've not been eating crazy but sadly I've gained 3 pounds. Could be stress. Could be I didn't eat enough. Could be the lack of real exercise. Who really knows. Could be all three!!

On a good note, it was a lil cooler this evening. On a bad note, the mold count is still high causing headaches, drippy noses, and burning eyes.

Have a great weekend. I'm going to see Eat Pray Love tomorrow night (hopefully). I'm looking forward to it. I'll catch up on blogs Saturday. Hugs to you all!

Moving and grooving...

Hello! Just a quick post to say "I am alive and well"...had the follow up mammogram (yippie) but they haven't a clue. The Dr. said "Compared to your mammogram done last week it looks like the area of concern has shrunk but we sent your previous mammogram from 5 years ago back to your old dr so we can't really do a full comparison." She promised to get back to me (rolling eyes) when the got the previous mammogram back. So I decided F'it I'm not going to worry about it. If my boob fall off...no sweat-just means I'll be 10 pounds lighter instantly! :O)

So, it's been a good weekend. I've gotten a decent amount of things done around the house. I went for a 5 1/2 mile bike ride last night and getting ready to go for another 5 1/2 bike ride tonight. I've also made some wonderful food choices and I'm ready to fight the world of Tori Fat one pound at a time!

Have a great week!

I’m sorry my blogger friends…

...I’ve not really been up to blogging this week. I’ve had things going on at work yanking me here and there…and then some personal things that came up needing my attention. And this heat-it’s not helping. It’s been hot as blazin here in the Midwest and it’s stealing much of my energy. And the pep in my step-the heat stole that too! Oh well…this too shall pass.

So me and the dog, we’ve been keeping a low profile. Reading blogs and responding here and there. We’ve also started reading yet another book (Eat, Love, Pray by ??). It’s really good (so far) and the movie comes out next Friday starring Julia Roberts. I’m really looking forward to seeing the movie and seeing how close they keep the two. While reading I can sometimes hear Julia’s voice as the narrator. I’ve also been reading a “Sherlock Holmes” type book…it’s about Sherlock Holmes through Mary Russell’s eyes. Also on the reading table are “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin and a Marathon book by Hal Higdon. Oh, and I’ve read a couple chapters of a Debbie MacComber book. Hmmm…I’m seeing a pattern here. I think.

So anyhow, tomorrow I have a follow up mammogram on the right side. Evidently they saw something that needs a closer look. They say that us women have many “bumps” “masses” “dense areas” that are actually “nothing” but there’s always that chance it could be something. And although I’m not looking forward to this visit I would rather find out “wassup” rather than sit here going “hmmmm”. Besides, knowledge is power right? Or does that not apply in this case?

Chao…have a great night/Friday…I’ll try and write a real post over the weekend.

List list I gotta make a list!

I’ve been setting goals but not attaining them. I’m not sure what the problem is and I need to find out.

So I’m going to give Sam’s suggestion a whirl and see if I can't get something amazing accomplished. She suggested (if memory serves correctly) to make a list of the big picture and then take baby steps to get there.

So the big picture for me is to:

· Weigh 150 lbs

· Run 3 miles a day 4x a week

· Participate in 2 ½ marathons a year with end times of 2hr45 mins or less

· Participate in 12 5k’s a year with end times of 40 mins or less

· Making healthy eating choices 90% of the time

· Have a better and honest understanding of what triggers my decisions to not exercise or eat healthy

· Utilize better time management

· Read one book a week

· Have a cleaner house

· Have a better relationship with my faith, husband, sweating, nature, my community, and myself.

Now…how to break it down into baby steps.

I had a mammogram today...so if you're not up for griping keep going...thanks

No serious...it's no lie...I love being a woman. I love having to go to the dr's office yearly for a "female exam" (can you all handle the word pap smear?). Spread eagle on a nice cushy table, with a nice breeze that appears out of no where, waiting for a utensil obviously made by a man (sorry fella's) to be inserted. This lovely procedure last all but 15 minutes even though you spent 45 in the waiting room and 10 in the office itself (in a lovely gown) waiting for the physicians assistant to come in. Sadly, IMO, this procedure does not compare to the lovely procedure women over 40 (and some women prior to that age) have to endure yearly. Yes ladies, I am referring to the mammogram.

Who da BLEEP invented that machine to do this procedure? Way has the machine that does this procedure barely changed in 26 years? How do I know what the machine was like 26 years ago (1986 to be exact)? Because at an AFB in Central Illinois at the ripe age of 16, I got to stick my lovely, small at time ta ta's into a metal booby trap that squeezed the living sheet out of my chest! Ugh. Now and days it's a plastic do hickey; two flat pieces that come mushing down. And if you're real smart like me you'll piss the tech off enough that she smashes a lil further than needed!

Am I making any sense? Sorry...let me slow it down. 1st off, I am not trying to scare anyone who has not had a mammogram into not getting one. Mammograms are needed and supposedly help detect breast cancer sooner. Sooner is better (IMO). Some woman (like myself) who have a family history of cancer (ovarian as well, not just breast cancer) are asked (by their doctors) to get screened sooner than 40 but not as frequent. But once you hit 40 you are asked to get them yearly. As you know, I turned 40 recently. I was attempting to put off this lovely procedure. But then my friend Malinda, who postponed her mammogram due in part to insurance, was force to go to the dr due to pain in the breasts and was informed a couple of weeks ago she has breast cancer. She had her mastectomy today. Her experience prompted me to have mine done and it was not fun. I kept telling myself "better to catch it early; better to catch it early; I'm gonna punch this bimbo; it's not her fault she didn't make the machine; better to catch it early." I did get a lovely pamplet out of the visit (smile). If you'd like I'll scan it and post it. Oh and heard that...oh never mind...don't wanna scare you....

And so after the experience and couple tylenols later I wondered why in 26 years the machines had not advanced much. And if we are to be honest here, the "tools" for the southern invasion haven't changed much either (they warm them up now instead of inserting cold). My goodness that's sad...the years that is...that I've experienced 26 years of pap smears!! ANYHOW..technology has come so far but yet we have to stick our ta ta's in this plastic contraption
posing as if we are playing twister (that's what pissed the tech off) to ensure that ONLY one ta ta at time is on the screen? Oh and if you FAT, not only are you playing twister but your oppisite side arm is over here while the hand closet to the ta ta being squished is lifting the other ta ta out of the way. I seriously don't get it. I'm a pretty smart cookie but this has gotten me stumped. Supposedly certain women with higher risk or already diagnosed lump get to have a MRI type screening...why can't all women have that? if an MRI is more detailed why not have everyone do it?

I'm not disgruntle about preventitive medicine and it's procedures...I'm just sayin....

Oh....

“what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive” (Sir Walter Scott)

For some reason this quote sticks out with me recently. As I "re-evaluate" my life, where I'm going, where I'd like to go, what I want to happen, what I need to do to make it happen I stumble on the thought that I've been setting goals and not obtaining them. This leads me to ask myself "I'm I REALLY giving an honest effort?" And I must be honest with my response when it comes to weightloss and getting physically in shape. No, I am not giving an honest effort. I'm longing for the days when not much effort was needed to "lose weight". I remember the days of skipping a meal or two to fit into my "fave pair of blue jeans'. And I am stumped as to how to "fix" this problem. I know what I need to do. I have most of the tools to get the job done. But something in the brain is not connecting and I don't know how to get it connected. I AM capable of more. I know I am.

Yesterday I jogged/walked a 5k for Scott AFB Airforce Ball. I came in second to last, beating the gal behind me only by a step (and I think she did that on purpose). Truthfully I was NOT sad for finishing at the back of the pack because I finished. I also shaved 9 mins off my last time doing 3.4 miles (btw their 5k was 3.4 miles not 3.1). It was very warm, very humid, and the crap in the air was causing me grief (folks were mowing their lawns). The only thing that made me sad was that a 60 year old beat me by a long shot.

Because of the heat and such I've decided that unless it's raining, I'm staying inside on the treadmill to do my work outs and long miles. There just doesn't seem to be a good enough allergy med to help me breathe easier outside during work outs. Short trips around the block don't kill me but going anywhere near the trails cloggs me up and gives me a killer headache.

So, here's to a great week for all of us!

Blazing hot...

not me-the weather! Crazy hot even. Zaps all the energy out of me. Top it off I've slept like (insert four letter word) this last week and been overly busy at work. Actually I am very thankful for being overly busy at work; in more ways than one. Anyhow, not only has the weather been crazy hot but storming too. Rains cats and dogs, cooling us momentarly but then hits us right between the eyes with humidity. I don't mind heat but the humidity is knocking me on my (insert four letter word). Today my coworker and I were discussing how much we can't wait for cooler weather, snow even. We are cooler weather outside work out people. We lose weight better (and quicker) in the fall thru spring because we are walking/jogging fools.

Anyhow, my brain is down and out for repair. It should return sometime this weekend and I will have a real post then. I've got a lot to talk about but no energy to share. Have a great Friday!! woohoo for Friday!

Hey, guess what?

I woke up the other day and found out I was NOT FAT!! Sweet!! But I'll get to that later.

On Wednesday I flew out of the Midwest into the gates of hell. Or so I assumed. I assumed right as for the weather (hot as frigging heck here) but the scenery is beautiful and the folks here in the DC area aren't too bad either. I had training on Thursday but Friday and Saturday were mine all mine for sight-seeing.

On Friday I took the bus/metro over from the airport near my hotel. It was a fun start of the experience and the signs said "Welcome to Tori's big adventure". First stop was Arlington Cemetery. Beautiful, awesome, humbling, hot...a mixture of emotions ran through my vains. I walked about 3 miles around Arlington, reading headstones and trying to figure out if I was going to hoof it or metro it to the next stop. I opted for hoofing it. I walked over this bridge (can't remember the name) to Lincoln's Memorial, then to Washington Monument, the White House, the Capitol, and all points in between. I even saw a gal who was on Top Chef doing a demonstration near the Post office square. I walked OVER 10 miles on Friday. My legs felt great after wards but my feet not so much. And I have one blister. That's what I get for listening to my husband when he said to bring the worn in pair of sneakers.

On Saturday I opted to purchase a bus ticket from a sight-seeing tour and ended up only walking about 3 miles (if that) . I had a great time and took in lots of sights on both days. I learned a lot of things both about history and about people. There is a wide array of people coming to DC; some staying some just passing through. I was pleasantly surprised at how nice folks were. I was also surprised at how FAT some people are. I try not to make mention of people and their sizes. Remember the saying "bounces off me and sticks to you" from when you were a kid and said something nasty to someone else? I am a firm believer that those things really happen (what bad thing I say about someone else will stick to me). Anyhow; While there were many fitness enthusiasts running the streets in over 100 degree temps there were just as many overweight and out of shape folks. A few (and I say that lightly) who were TWICE my size who were not walking about like I was. Seeing them was another gentle reminder that I need to be more active and conscientious of what I feed my body, mind, and soul. Despite many of us feeling miserable that day from the heat I was miserable in a happy way. I was cleansing my body!

On Friday I was nervous at first walking around DC. Not for my safety but because of the vending carts that seemed to be on every other corner. They were selling quick easy to make food like hot dogs, chilli dogs, fries, gyros. You get the point. When I'm hot and tired I do NOT want junk or fried food. I want something light and fresh (this tells me I need to be hot and tired on a regular basis). After what seemed like forever I found a food court in hopes of finding something light. Thankfully they had a salad vendor/cafe who also had fruit. I got a chef salad with balsamic vinegar and a side order of watermelon. Most of my trip I was able to make healthy choices.

Well, I gots to go. I have to check out of the hotel and get to the airport. I wanted to share where I was and what I've been doing. I needed this break badly as I was ready to snap. Sadly, I'm not really ready to go home. But home I must go....

GASP EEEK YELP.....

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG.....Candy...want candy...HELP ME!!

It's been a busy, slightly irritating day so far...had to take a minute to talk myself off the ledge. The candy drawer is calling my name...I've had two minnie snickers already...I'm trying to gulp the water to stop wanting the chocolate!!!

Shew...I think the urge has passed. Of course if one more person comes to my desk wanting something I could snap. Since I'll be out Weds-Fri for training I felt the need to stay at my desk during lunch and have a working lunch. Not sure that was a great idea. Sure I've got a lot done but ....

Had a good/ok weekend. Lil man wasn't feeling well and it was a bit too humid for my liking so we stayed in much of the weekend. I did manage to do a 3.36 mile walk on Saturday and my mile times were pretty good (16.36 1st mile, 15.45 2nd, and 16.30 for 3rd). And hubby took me out to lunch for my birthday on Saturday since we didn't go on the actual day. I opted for Fazzoli's. Amazingly I only ate half my lunch and ate the rest for dinner. Guess I was trying to make up for all the cake and other crap I ate. Amazingly (again) I didn't gain any weight this week.

TTYL (talk to you later)....

Oh, wait...before I forget again. To you who may have thought I was scoffing (you know who I am talking to) in a negative way at a 17min mile. I was NOT. 17 min miles are nothing to sneeze about. 20 min miles are nothing to sneeze about. I don't care how long it takes someone to do a mile because they are MOVING!! Getting the blood flowing is a good thing, which we should all aim for (the moving part). With that said, I am a competitor (shhhhh don't tell) and most times I go out for a walk I go with the intention of beating my previous time. Like tonight when I get on the treadmill (lets face it-I hate humidity and it's cooler inside; I'd rather walk in the snow) I hope to have a 16 min mile. My goal is 12 min miles. Which yes, requires me to jog faster!! :O)