If you're not learning, you're still not living!

LOL…I don’t know why I even bother creating elaborate lists of “things I’d like to accomplish” (like the 101 things to do in 1001 days).  Maybe I should just have a “generic” list and call it the “today this sounds like something I’d like to do but no pressure”. Or just have a “bucket list” with a disclaimer that “if you don’t achieve this it’s ok; just have fun with whatever you decide to do”. Oh well, whatever. I’m ok, it’s just a list. Life is full of endless possibilities for me.

 

I AM VERY grateful for the progress I am making with myself since the first of the year.  I decided this was the year to “happy healthy firm and confident”.  No, not firm as in “rock solid body” but firm as in “when I make a decision stand behind it; no apologies”.  I have a right to feel, I have a right to put me first, I have a right to be happy too!  I need to be confident in myself and firm in the decisions I make no matter what the projected outcome looks like. I know what’s best for me. 

Which brings me to the fact that I applied for a position in London UK. Secretly I’m ecstatic at the thought of working overseas for a few years. But I know that if I do get chosen for the position that a few hard decisions will need to be made that will affect more than just me. Whatever is meant to be will be; I have to keep FAITH that God hears my hearts’ desires just as he hears my fears.  He has always had my back…I’m very fortunate.

Ok back to the list….I will say that it has inspired me to be more active. I am a lil more flexible and I’m saying yes to things I wouldn’t normally do (the Sexy Back Chair dance class was SO MUCH FUN. I’m actually surprised at how much fun I had). But most of the “Profession Related” items are null and void.  I started taking a meditation class and the books I’ve been reading on “finding your passion” started sinking in and I finally admitted openly that I am not an “natural born sales person” and most importantly that I have no desire to learn how to be a sales person. I just want to be happy.  I want to be healthy. I want to enjoy life and pursue things that “feel natural”. Pimping products isn’t natural to me…artistic projects ARE natural to me.

Resisting the negative self talk...

is getting so much easier! I'll be honest with you...I had a 'hypnotherapy' session at the end of January. Per Wikipedia, Hypnotherapy is a form of psychotherapy used to create subconscious change in a patient in the form of new responses, thoughts, attitudes, behaviors or feelings. While many may (and will) poo-poo the process, I am ALWAYS open try different things. I don't like being stuck and SURELY there is something out there that will get me moving in the right direction. Sure it isn't "cheap" but neither is Weight Watchers, a monthly gym membership, or home work out equipment.  Of course, one useful hypnotherapy session is way cheaper than an unused membership.  Besides, if you plan it just right you will get a coupon like I did. Normally the cost is $99...

ANYHOW...

Hypnotherapy (like many other "wellness related options") is NOT a cure all and you will NOT wake up a "completely transformed" person. BUT I have noticed a HUGE, POSITIVE, difference. I left the session feeling peaceful, confident, like I COULD conquer my demons.  By the way, I didn't go to "lose weight" or "quit smoking". Like I told the guy-I know what I'm supposed to do to be successful at that. I know how to eat right; I know how to exercise; and I know how to not buy cigs. I just don't seem to have the umpfff; just can't seem to get my ass off the couch; can't seem to rid myself of doubt.  I said if I can "fix" that everything else will fall into place. 

It was money well spent. Negative Nancy seems to have left the building (I still have moments of disappointment but it isn't "internal disappointment" and I'm learning to not hold onto the "feelings" associated with the disappointment by using a positive self pep talk (ie "let it go; move on; not your monkey/not your circus") to lighten my mental state. I've noticed that I've been much more active (more yoga and walking) and less "oh I'll work out tomorrow".

As I sign off for the moment...I leave you with a lil "pug" mojo I'm learning to live by...

Peace and tranquility....

I feel like I'm in a really really good place right now. A sense of peace, a quiet determination, and the knowledge that as long as I do my very best I can be (relatively) happy.  I'm learning to forgive (& accept) myself for my imperfections and to be more empathetic/compassionate/understanding of others and their imperfections.  NO ONE IS PERFECT.  I know now (and have accepted) that I can't "be anything I want to be". Why? Because if you've heard me sing you know that I am NOT the next Katy Perry, Gwen Stefani, Pink or even Madonna. But just because I can't be a singer (or an actress or an incredible athlete who gets paid boo-coo bucks) like I wanted to be when I was a kid doesn't mean I can't be "something" respectable, admired, or maybe even idolized (although I don't think being idolized would be that great-too much pressure!!)....

My "101 things list" is proving to be a great thing for me to be doing. While I'm not "attacking it with a vengeance" it is ALWAYS in the back of my mind with the things I want to commit time to doing. The very first item on my list (Do something you wouldn't normally do) is becoming a recurring theme for me.  It seems as if when something presents itself that I've never done before, prior to "poo-pooing" it I read the details and make an informed decision on whether or not I should "seriously consider participating" (ie Why not? Is it harmful? What are the benefits). For example I found on Groupon a coupon for what appeared to be a new exercise class establishment. They offer classes like Stretch, Strengthen, and Tone; Self-Defense; Muffin Top Removal; and Sexy Back Chair Dance and while the classes seem "intimidating" I figured what the hell. Now to the part "I wouldn't normally do".  They offer group classes and private parties. I've opted to "play host" and organize a ladies night out (something I've never done nor ever volunteered for) for the Sexy Back Chair Dancing. We will get two hours of choreographed instructions, cd music and how to sheets to take home. It's going to be a lot of fun....as long as we get enough people to attend (March 21st 6pm to 9pm, BYO drinks/snacks, on the IL side, $20, hint hint hint...).  I've also been saying yes to things I typically would do anything to get out of (zumba, phone conversations over email, talking (listening actually) to a Jehovah Witness at my front door) in an attempt to harness my anxiety (by using positive self talk).

Have a great week and do the very best as you can...

And so it begins....

I'm working very hard (mentally) at remembering how LUCKY (Blessed) I am....There are so many others who have endured worse things than I have. I'm lucky enough to live in a country that allows me freedom to do most anything; as long as I put my mind to it. Which is why I've opted to follow/particpate/incorporate into my life the"101 things to do in 1001 days".  Sure the task IS intense. But for some odd, f'd up reason, for me it's a "manageable" intense.  It doesn't overwhelm me and gives me plenty of time to do the items WITHOUT having to set specific dates for each task.  I think that this list (or at least some of the list) might even be considered "goals".  I dunno...but it "spoke to me" and feels right. And that's what's important. 

I've "organized" the list better; putting health related under one header, professional under another, and so on.  Some "things" had to be re-written. One was dropped (it was too similar to another item). As I complete an item I'll edit the list to show details...and even though I'm doing this "on a whim, as I feel compelled"; a few items on the list are already scheduled to be started/completed:

• tonight is Hot Yoga class (possibly an exercise class I normally wouldn't take but most definitely a means to an end with becoming flexible enough to touch my toes)
• I learned a new task at work yesterday (how to search for financial totals so I don't have to bother the main office for the info); 
• Success School scheduled for Aug 2015; 
• Networking event Feb 3 (tupperware if anyone is interested in going); 
• Sent emails out to hunt down the POC for Special Olympics Torch Run
• downloaded a new book to read (The Courage to be Yourself: The Magic of Daring Greatly Enough to Become Who You Were Born)