I work really hard to be the best wife, the best daughter, the best person someone else knows. But no matter how hard I try, I fall short and realize just how imperfect I am. I work so hard to please others, to put others first, to make everyone happy but I just always feel like I I miss the mark. For the love of pete-I can't even cut a straight friggin line!!
I really only have one question right now. WHO DA FIDGE SAID I HAVE TO BE PERFECT!? OMG it's so friggin tiring! No wonder I'm always exhausted. F'ck I just can't continue down that road.
I know I will never be perfect but I can be better than I am now. And that's what I'll strive to do...LET GO (res#4) of attempting to be pefect and baby steppin to bein a lil better than I was before....working to be the very best I can be...
Monday, January 7, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
January 2013...to resolute or not to resolute...
I just realized that I am starting my fourth year of blogging. That blows my mind considering I have a short attention span...
Anyhow...as I've stated before: I'm back. And while I'm not big on "resolutions", I am big on changing habits! So for the month of January I will be utilizing Gretchen Rubin’s Charts from her book The Happiness Project. Actually she sent me (and anyone else interested) the chart samples back in 2011 (may have been 2010) when I joined her lil mailing list because they are not in her book (and she was being helpful). And Of course I tweeked the charts to better fit my needs. I attempted to follow it before (still have the charts even!) but at some point in time or another I felt the urge to stop. Anywho, This go around I’m just going to take it month by month and “issue by issue”. I will add new issues as I feel that I’ve made one of the current issues a stable (?) habit or it’s no longer an issue. Chances are, I’ll be adding to verse taking away because that's how I roll. I always need reminders...preferably in writing!!
Have a great weekend and here's to a very wonderful 2013!
Anyhow...as I've stated before: I'm back. And while I'm not big on "resolutions", I am big on changing habits! So for the month of January I will be utilizing Gretchen Rubin’s Charts from her book The Happiness Project. Actually she sent me (and anyone else interested) the chart samples back in 2011 (may have been 2010) when I joined her lil mailing list because they are not in her book (and she was being helpful). And Of course I tweeked the charts to better fit my needs. I attempted to follow it before (still have the charts even!) but at some point in time or another I felt the urge to stop. Anywho, This go around I’m just going to take it month by month and “issue by issue”. I will add new issues as I feel that I’ve made one of the current issues a stable (?) habit or it’s no longer an issue. Chances are, I’ll be adding to verse taking away because that's how I roll. I always need reminders...preferably in writing!!
Have a great weekend and here's to a very wonderful 2013!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
All in the name of Happiness!
Looking over last years “to do” list saddens me a bit…short, broad, and incomplete. It’s almost as if I was setting myself up for failure!! Saving money, losing weight, paying off debt, obtaining part time employment, reading, and of course wogging. Eight things on my list; only four got touched with only two completed. And instead of losing weight, I gained 30. I’m thinking this year I’m going to change it up a bit. Maybe I’ll relieve some pressure from myself and not put a number on things! Before I get to that list, let me toot my horn and shed some light on what I did do (trust me, it’ll make me feel better!!).
What would I like to see from 2013 from myself (because I know I can’t change the entire world’s outlook)? To start, I’d like quality rather than quantity; to expand my knowledge; to choose positive over negative; to “let it go” the things I CAN’T change/influence.
Breaking it down:
Quality vs. quantity:
o Less time on computer; more time focused on hubs and playing with dogs
o Buying based on our needs (and using the items) vs. buying items because they are on sale (then letting them sit and tossing because they have spoiled).
o More time working towards a 5k; less 5k’s (at first). It was a wonderful goal (in an attempt to get me more active) to “participate in 12 5k’s” but I’m not confident that I got much good out of completing the goal. I’m certainly not in better shape for doing all of them. Heck, I probably wouldn’t have done so many if it hadn’t been for my BFF Heather.
Expand my knowledge:
o Reading books that will help ease future circumstances (example Caring for aging parents; Simple Acts of Gratitude; 21 Days to Master Success & Inner Peace)
o Learn a new language
Choose positive over negative and to “let it go” the things I CAN’T change/influence is going to be tricky and most likely a work in progress. One of the books I am revisiting this year is “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. I got half way thru the book the last time before I petered out. It was a great read and very inspirational (I even lost 50lbs that year). I need to figure out how to keep inspired when not reading the book.
Anyone interested in doing a "Happiness Project" Challenge with me?
Last year I participated (and completed) in 12 5k’s, 1 10k, and 2 ½ marathons. No PRs were set but that wasn’t the goal or the point. The point was to go and do. I did. I also went zip lining, joined a fitness center, paid off 12% of my debt, and read 16 books. I think the most important thing accomplished from last year is the fact that I started to cut myself some slack. I’m human. I can only do so much. While many of the things I did last year is/are a blur (seriously-I was shocked at the list of celebs that had died throughout the year that I didn’t remember passing!!) and probably done on auto pilot I do remember repeating “breathe, it’s ok, you know what you’re capable of and owe no one any apologies for what you think is your short coming.” All in the name of SANITY!! :0)
o Less time on computer; more time focused on hubs and playing with dogs
o Buying based on our needs (and using the items) vs. buying items because they are on sale (then letting them sit and tossing because they have spoiled).
o More time working towards a 5k; less 5k’s (at first). It was a wonderful goal (in an attempt to get me more active) to “participate in 12 5k’s” but I’m not confident that I got much good out of completing the goal. I’m certainly not in better shape for doing all of them. Heck, I probably wouldn’t have done so many if it hadn’t been for my BFF Heather.
Expand my knowledge:
o Reading books that will help ease future circumstances (example Caring for aging parents; Simple Acts of Gratitude; 21 Days to Master Success & Inner Peace)
o Learn a new language
Anyone interested in doing a "Happiness Project" Challenge with me?
Monday, December 24, 2012
2013-Back to the land of the living
2012 wasn't really the most memorable year ever for me. Sure I did a few things out of my "ordinary", attempted to be active and healthy, but for the most part it seems as if I was on auto-pilot. I spent the majority of the year unenthused and exhibiting little ambition (for anything). Don't mis-read my words or attempt to read between the lines. I can talk a good game and on the outside no one guessed what was going on on the inside; that my heart just wasn't in living! Yeah I know; Kinda sad.
My year of mourning started in January. I never purposefully intended to mourn; after all no one LITERALLY died or left my life. But after switching doctors and explaining to him my unexplained exhaustion, body aches, night sweats, crying spells out of no where and the INCREDIBLE mood swings the doctor ran some tests. He determined I was pre-menopausal (Peri-menopausal for those hoytie toyties wishing to make hell sound less extreme and more manageable). He also mentioned (due to my age and the fact that I am childless) that if my husband and I were considering having children that we should explore the option of adoption, as there was only a 5% ish chance that natural conception and or invitro-fertilization would be successful.
I'm sure that I am not alone in how I felt when told my chances of having my own blood related child. As a woman undecided about bringing a child into the world to begin with, having the choice ripped from my "being" was a bit more over whelming then imagined. Not that I ever imagined NOT having the choice. Because when asked by family members "what happens when the clocks stops ticking" I'd merely state that we could chose to adopt ("there are plenty of children who need families. We don't HAVE to have a baby."). But of course it was yet another reminder of who is in control and who is not. And my type a ass is not in control. And I was bummed to say the least that having a biological child was no longer a choice I could make. I felt like I lost a part of me...like my woman hood was being questioned. And I slipped into a depression that I even tried to deny to myself. That is so weird to type out loud.
Well, my mourning is over and it's time to get back to life. I can't say that the "depression" has subsided; just more manageable. I guess the saying is true that it's all about choices. I can chose to be happy with what I have, learn to live and smile, and laugh (with out force) or I can continue to waste space. And seriously...wasting space is totally over rated! :O)
Merry Christmas everyone.
My year of mourning started in January. I never purposefully intended to mourn; after all no one LITERALLY died or left my life. But after switching doctors and explaining to him my unexplained exhaustion, body aches, night sweats, crying spells out of no where and the INCREDIBLE mood swings the doctor ran some tests. He determined I was pre-menopausal (Peri-menopausal for those hoytie toyties wishing to make hell sound less extreme and more manageable). He also mentioned (due to my age and the fact that I am childless) that if my husband and I were considering having children that we should explore the option of adoption, as there was only a 5% ish chance that natural conception and or invitro-fertilization would be successful.
I'm sure that I am not alone in how I felt when told my chances of having my own blood related child. As a woman undecided about bringing a child into the world to begin with, having the choice ripped from my "being" was a bit more over whelming then imagined. Not that I ever imagined NOT having the choice. Because when asked by family members "what happens when the clocks stops ticking" I'd merely state that we could chose to adopt ("there are plenty of children who need families. We don't HAVE to have a baby."). But of course it was yet another reminder of who is in control and who is not. And my type a ass is not in control. And I was bummed to say the least that having a biological child was no longer a choice I could make. I felt like I lost a part of me...like my woman hood was being questioned. And I slipped into a depression that I even tried to deny to myself. That is so weird to type out loud.
Well, my mourning is over and it's time to get back to life. I can't say that the "depression" has subsided; just more manageable. I guess the saying is true that it's all about choices. I can chose to be happy with what I have, learn to live and smile, and laugh (with out force) or I can continue to waste space. And seriously...wasting space is totally over rated! :O)
Merry Christmas everyone.
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