21 Things continued....

10. I love to make lists. I like setting goals. Making lists and setting goals (regardless of attainment) give me a sense of control in such an uncontrollable world!

11. It would be so much easier to NOT watch what I eat. Crappy food is cheaper and easier to come by…

12. I suffer from the “chronic blues” (also known to some as depression). I don’t take medication for it; although in the past I gave it a shot. The mediation helped at first. Then “those” feelings crept back in and all the the dr wanted to talk about “The lil girl inside” (Yes I am rolling eyes at that). Then my insurance ran out and the pills were going to be like $120 a month and who knows what the office visit was going to be. I quit taking them cold turkey; yes-big NO NO but it did teach me a valuable lesson about drugs and reliance. These days I search for “natural” blues busters. Exercising and half marathons are a couple of them and most of the time "all is good in my world."

13. I love the number 13…always have.

14. I can’t hardly believe Christmas is just 3 days away. Ok, 2 and some change.

15. My years are not January to December. Somehow, especially when it comes to setting goals, it’s October to September…

16. I’m not fond of Christmas. Christmas is overwhelming to say the least. And OF COURSE right after Christmas is New Year’s and while I’m excited about the NEW part (despite “my” year being Oct to Sept) it makes me anxious.

17. I LOVE getting older. The older I get the more comfortable, confident, and outgoing I become. Ok, maybe not “outgoing” but I’m more willing to try new and different things. There’s too many opportunities available to stay hiding and timid and anxious and with your head in the sand.

18. I got the most adorable Christmas card in the mail today from a coworker that works out of our KC area office. Totally out of the blue and I’m totally grateful. I am the POC for a computer program that doesn’t really work 100%. There’s been a shit load of hiccups this past year and I’ve gotten a shit load of phone calls (not all nice). For 98% of the calls I’ve kept my composure and not snapped or cursed (until I got off the phone). This coworker wanted me to know that she recognized my patience and appreciates it. How’s THAT for AWESOME!

19. Still not fond of Christmas despite the awesome card.

20. I bought my treadmill 2 years ago and have used it a whopping 10 times. Ouch.

21. I was baptized Catholic; brought up Christian; Confirmed Lutheran at 25. I haven’t told my folks yet but I’m considering going back to the Catholics.

MERRY CHRISTMAS….

9 of 21 Things

I snagged this idea from another blogger (Byzbee)...I started on it Friday but didn't get too far. I'll work on the others as time permits but for NOW..this is what you get!! :O) Happy Sunday!

Twenty One Things:

1: I’ve NEVER been a “typical” girl. I’ve dabbled in what I call “typicalness” but never jumped both feet. I love to buy cute shoes (wedges are my fave), sexy and cute clothes, and a shit load of make-up; but rarely will you find me wearing any of it. Putting deodorant on is a challenge! I typically wear jeans, tennis shoes, sweatshirts and my hair in a ponytail. When I do put my “face on” and wear me some “cutesie” clothes it’s rarely “just because”. About the only thing real girlie is the fact that I love romantic comedies.

2: My mother always said that I was either going to be a truck driver or a sailor (mainly because of my potty mouth and my love for strong drinks) but she said nothing about marrying one (got me a now retired sailor)! One who rarely cusses, rarely drinks, and has no tattoos.

3: I am a closet attention whore. I want it, it being everything, to be ALL ABOUT ME. I want people’s full attention when they are around me. I want people to take into consideration how I might feel before decisions are being made that will affect me. As we all know, it's NEVER all about one person ALL the time. I understand this and accept it...but when no one is looking I throw an "It's all about me party."  It's a great party...and I have a boat load of fun...my party for one!

4: I’m lazy. Yeah-you read that right. Given the opportunity I would be one lazy mo-fo. I wouldn’t do nothing. Nada. Zilch.

5: I have a terrible perception of time and quite often lose track of time very easily. What seems to me like 15 minutes is in reality 45 minutes.

6: On my wedding day, as I turned the corner to walk down the aisle, I saw my life flash before my eyes and I proceeded to bawl my eyes out. To this day that moment haunts me and I wonder“did I make the right decision!??” There is no guide for a “good marriage”; there is no “happily ever after”; But there IS a LOT of compromise. We just celebrated our 7^th wedding anniversary and I still feel sorry for the SOB. Out of all the people in the world to marry he got me. Of course, he very well could be saying the same thing (“that poor girl never saw it comin! Out of all the people in the world to marry she got me!”).

7: The doctor says I’m 5 foot 4 and my driver’s license says 5 foot 6. My hubs says he’s 5 foot 9 but is only 2 inches taller than me. Who do YOU believe? J

8: I enjoy doing family history. Over the last 15 years I’ve stayed up late countless nights attempting to “trace the family roots”. I think I’ll save up to pay someone ELSE to trace the roots and report back to me.

9: I have a lousy sense of humor. I grew up in a very strict, uncomfortable house. We were never encouraged to laugh and jokes were always on us. Much of “it” carried over into adulthood. I’ve never learned the art of humor and when I try to be “funny” it doesn’t always come across as “funny”.

I can do this

I can do this. I’ve done it before. The difference this time around is that I’m not just sweeping crap under the carpet or applying a Band-Aid to fix the wound. I’ve identified the problem (I like to spend money I don’t have and or eat junk to make myself feel better) and have identified solutions to FIX the crap (reading, blogging, exercising, writing a budget, part time job).


With no extra income coming in and purchasing NO extravagant items (ie new car, clothes I don’t need, purchases for others to “show I love them”) I can have all the “excess baggage” paid off (realistically) in 20 to 24 months. And I’ll be honest that that seems like forever. And yes, I’m embarrassed. I’d say that “why” keeps crossing my mind but I already know the answer to that. I just need to remove my head from my rear end. Could be why my rear end is still so big!! Ha ha ha..just kidding! Anyhow, I do pray that I can get a part time job…preferably teaching (since that’s what I’ve gotten the ok through my full time job to pursue as “outside” employment). If I can get a part time gig teaching I can bring in a minimum added 450 (that’s after taxes) plus a month. It doesn’t seem like much BUT I have to be careful how much more I add to my plate (because I’d really like to continue to volunteer with Cardinals Care).

As for my weight and the 7 lbs I’ve gained in 2 ½ months…I’m chasing the wagon. I’m just about back on the wagon but that whole “head in rear end thing” clouded my vision. I blame the new boss but I’m a big girl and let myself slip. I’m not sure if I was trying to “test myself” or not but it wasn’t needed. I know I have to write everything down (food wise) in order to hold myself accountable. Period. I also need to pre plan my exercise in order to come close to accomplishing it. And I need to follow up with what I actually did. I have a hundred and some days until my next ½ marathon-I need to get on it!

Here's to small rears and fuller bank accounts!!

On the right path...

Been listening to Dave Ramsey the last few mornings/weeks. Talk about tough love…and inspiring. I CAN do this…all of it…I just have to use the discipline I know I have. “Do what you gotta do to beat this” “Live now like no other so that later you can live like no other” “if it were easy everyone would do it”. So much of what he says can be used in every aspect of life. I swear I will play his book/podcasts and the other “motivational” podcasts over and over and over so that I can keep myself on the path to freedom. Freedom from debt, freedom from fat, freedom from the demons.

Today I worked on my budget during lunch. Right now it doesn't look good and I had to repeat over and over (and over) that "everything" will be alright. I just have to stay focused and use discipline.

Power to the people!! Take your life back...I'm taking mine!

Nope...not today....

Ummm so, I got up at 530 as planned. Took the dogs out as planned. Never made it to the treadmill though. But I DID stay in the upright position. And I took the pups for a mile walk (vs their normal 1/2 mile) before work. So I might be making progress. or am I making excuses again (as I cringe and slowly back away from the computer)?

So how long before a "routine" is set? gonna have to stop dancing away from the treadmill. What's wrong with it? does it...smell? I dunno...I really don't know. It's a nice treadmill...only two years old...has presets and intervals (sp?)....it doesn't have a name though..could that be the problem? I don't like it because I don't know it's name?

And let's me not forget...

that it's time to knock the bs off!  On top of the December goals here in my earlier post I need to include a few more.

• lose 7 lbs
• track my food NO MATTER what the food is (I've fallen off the tracking wagon-time to jump back on)
• jog 4 miles a week

Tim's work schedule will now be 630 to 3; which means we will be getting up at 530. And Since going back to sleep is a BAD idea I'm going to attempt to reacquaint myself with the treadmill. I'm not sure how well it will go BUT I will put forth my best effort. Heck, what else do I have to do at 530 in the morning after walking the dogs?

My time flies...

…I’d say “when we’re having fun” but truthfully-that saying is a crock o’poo! I’m not saying that I don’t “have fun” but fra’zizzle-not on a minute by minute basis. Especially when I’m you know where, with a you know who, up my you know what. No-I’m not talking about the hubs. I’m talking about HIM. The one I have the deal with 8hrs a day 5 days a week. I’m very thankful I LOVE my job cuz if I didn’t I’d tell that one off and walk away.

 

Anywho…on a happier note I’ve gotten approval through work to apply for “outside” employment. I’ve submitted my resume’, transcripts, application etc to my Alma mater for an online teaching position. So fingers crossed that a position comes open for me to teach. I’ll be using the extra money to pay off the credit card bills, then to pay off my student loans. If I’d known who well teaching their paid I would have applied sooner. Seriously-it’s that great. To me anyhow considering I don’t have to leave home to do it. I can send the hubs to bed on Friday night and stay up ALL night grading etc. Speaking of hubs he ticked me off when I was explaining the hiring process. Told him there is a 2 day workshop in Columbia that I’ll need to go to and then “shadow” someone for 3 weeks on the D2L. He was miffed that that was “all” the experience needed to teach and what a crock and how he’ll never take another online class because “no wonder his online experience sucked before.” I wanted (and tried) to explain to him that you have to have a degree for what your teaching but I decided it wasn’t worth the argument. I don’t want him in my class anyway!

 

I know that it’s already the 5th of December but it’s time to go over November goals and decide on December goals. Looking back I seem to have done better than I thought. I had four (4) goals (run/walk 50 miles, de clutter file cabinet, paint bathroom, and apply to cc). I completed two of the four and about half of one of the others. Not bad…can you guess which ones got completed? Go ahead-guess. I’ll send those who guess correctly a lil surprise (you’ll have to send me your address of course).

 

Ok for December…what to do what to do….

 

• Review my spending and outline a budget for 2012
• Get charitable contribution list for 2011 taxes typed
• Be done with “Christmas” shopping and mailing by the 15th of Dec
• Stop, Shut up, Listen, breath, breath, then respond
• Journal/blog 17 days in December

Note to self-When in doubt....check this out

I admit...I was a lil depressed for some odd reason. One of the reasons is I've not been exercising like I should. Another is I forget how far I've come. So when in doubt I need to check these photos out...


then...

today....

Thank you all (especially Kate these last few weeks) for helping to keep me motivated. To all of you on my blog roll now (worth the read section) and in the future....Thank you ALL for helping to keep me grounded, focused, and inspired.



roller coaster ride; no longer feeling "normal"

Please...tell me what the hell "normal" is so that I know if I'm feeling normal or not!!? GRRRR

Well..I stuck to my guns and went NO WHERE for Thanksgiving. I cooked a 13 lb bird for the hubs and I, along with mashed potatoes, dressing, green bean cass, gravy, rolls, and the most amazing eggnog pie. Totally delicious. ALL of IT! and so not WW "friendly". I was such a bad WW follower as I did not write anything down. I DID watch my portions but no writie writie. #badtori

Sticking to my guns comes with consequences and someone has to pay the piper. While I am sure my family is not happy with me for not driving 175 miles to attend their gathering, I don't have to listen to them gripe.  So I'm not really paying the piper.  But I'm afraid that my hubs paid a lil of the price with his mother. Long story short but she felt we should have dropped what I/we wanted and at the very least gone over to his sisters house (who was serving no meat for Thanksgiving anyhow) for at LEAST pumpkin pie. I won't air my dirty laundry here but hubs isn't excited about his sister and a lot of her life choices and was looking for an excuse out of going to his sisters house regardless of what I decided I was doing for Thanksgiving. BUT he would never say that to his mother (ok maybe he would) but regardless, I'm sure she blames me. I'd like to say that I don't really care but I do because NO ONE is taking into consideration my feelings about things, especially holiday gatherings.  BTW-did I mention that this Thanksgiving was one of my FAVORITE Thanksgivings? There was NO DRAMA this Thanksgiving. None...

Anyhow...my emotions are out of whack (that time of month again??). I'm always feeling frustrated and like "what about me me me?"and lonely...I can't even begin to describe my loneliness. I have such a good life that there is no reason for these feelings. I'm pretty smart too. and such a lucky person. I've overcome so much and can be so giving. But sometimes I feel like IT just isn't enough. What the hell is "IT"? OMG I swear I'm going nuts! grrr.

finally feeling normal.

It's been a while since I've felt "normal". And I feel like I can actually stop and take a breathe! Since getting the pup end of July it's been go go go. sigh, inhale, out hale. Don't get me wrong, some "go go go" is good for the soul. But it can be overwhelming. New demands, changes in schedule, attempting to make sure EVERYONEs needs are seen to.

When given the chance I've been doing some thinking. About the future, about the present, about how I can make things better for us. Us as in Tim, the dogs and I. Us as in extended family. Us as in my work family. Us as in my community. I've always known "it" isn't all about me but many times "me" has gotten left behind. Learning better time management has allowed me to put "me" in the "us" and not feel guilty about it. I never liked the feeling of guilt but yet it had become a standard feeling in my life. Some folks were just NEVER happy with what I was doing or had to offer. I won't do it anymore. I never intentionally set out to hurt anyone and if I find that I have hurt someone I will simply apologize and move on. No more "stewing" on the guilt. If the other person wants to hold a grudge it's now on them-not me. I will live as guilt-free as possible these days. I know, a daunting task.

There are many tools available to us all that will help us grow, heal, move on. One of my favorite tools right now is my ipod because I can download pod casts that are upbeat and informative. There is a podcast for organizing and one for motivation that I've been listening to on the way to work. Oh and one on finances (thanks Sarah for introducing me to Dave Ramsey).  It's a nice way for me to sort out the "overwhelmingness" that is sure to be waiting for me at work (or even at home if I listen to it on the way home after work). It has also helped me determine what to keep, what to get rid of, what's useful and what is not.

During my journey the last few months I've slightly neglected my food tracking.  Man, once to stop doing something it's hard to get back. In the beginning of not tracking I didn't hold myself as accountable as I should have when I would eat. There were a few weeks that I ate a lot of fried foods and bread. Yikers. And yes, the scale noticed it. I'm very thankful that I came to my wits and realized "before it was too late". Granted I'm still not tracking my food on paper but I am being more aware of what I am putting in my mouth. I'm  back to making better choices (I've only had fries once this week!) and the scale is rewarding me for it. As life pertains to food and weight I want to make it as "natural" as possible. We ALL know that diets don't work and that life style changes do.  Making my life style as healthy and active as possible.

Ok...gotta run...the baby pug wants to eat all the dirt in the back yard and the other just wants to watch!! ugghhhhhh

Change is in the air....

ah yes, change is in the air. Leaves are falling, as is the tempature (most days). The boys (Fredbird and Frankie) are close to being "the best of friends" and I am finally able to cook inside without raising the tempature to over 90 degrees. I'm even able to start training for my half marathon coming up in April. Life is good and I'm thankful for that.

I'm also thankful for:

• a somewhat understanding husband. Even if he doesn't understand he's smart enough to keep his mouth shut.

• a new weekend walking buddy who is interested in learning to jog. It seems to be more fun when there is someone walking the trenches with you!

• the CPR cell phone repair place for attempting to fix one of my life lines. I'll know tomorrow whether or not they were able to get it working properly.

• Hawthorne vet clinic for putting up with our many trips to their facility for Frankie's stiches. Some days I think the lil guy will be the death of me. Thankfully..he's alright and will be back to "normal routine" by Tuesday morning (although he's been trying to be back to normal since the day after his lil surgery).

• only being half crazy....

Thankful Thursday

Wow…been a lil while since I’ve blogged! While my time management skills were getting better, they’ve slipped a bit the last couple of weeks. Our team not only made it to the playoffs but they won the world series to boot! GO CARDINALS!! I happily blame them for my dalliance in blogging cuz when I wasn’t watching the game on tv I was volunteering AT the games for Cardinals Care. And for not being a “great” baseball fan (I’m married to a diehard Cardinal fan) I sure could feel the energy in the stadium each time they played as well as their compassion for their home town. When I say “their” I mean the occupants of St. Louis…the ones that live here, work here, who used to live here and only get to come back “now and then”, the ones who no matter how “bad it is” always seem to have a lil something left for someone else. Shoot I’m tearing up just thinking about it….very very amazing feeling and a very very amazing town.

And as funny as it is, me not being a “great baseball fan”, I feel completely lost now that baseball season is over for the year. For the last 9 months I’ve been living/breathing baseball…not just by attending games but by attending volunteer events associated with baseball. And there were A LOT of them. No, I’m not complaining; I’m just AMAZED at how busy I was. I miss that. Sigh. Oh well, it’ll give me time to finish reading some books, organizing my life, and start training for my April ½ marathon. And I need to get training…cuz while I’m still lucky enough to not have gained I’m stuck at 165. And the “roll” is feeling big!

Ok, so goals for November is/are:

• Run/walk 50 miles (not to include potty walks-the dogs potty walk not mine). #gotmeaweekendwalker
• De clutter (that’s what us wanna be organizers call it) the file cabinet. #shreditbabyshredit
• Paint the bathroom #notwaitingforhimtodoit
• Apply to CC of MO for online teaching position #whatamigettingmyselfinto

Not very many “goals” but this is all on top of “everyday” life “to do’s”. And I guess some are “to do’s” but….really…I don’t know I just work here!

My how time flies when your...

Having fun?

Ok so I'm not having "fun fun" but I'm not bored either! I've been extraordinarily busy lately and busy is good. Except, as you know, when it comes to eating. Or exercising. Or taking care of your own needs. But you knew that already right?

And you all know what happens when you don't eat right, exercise, or take time for yourself. Right? We'll if you don't let me tell you. You gain weight, get flabby, and lack proper sleep for starters. All bad; all confidence crushers. Then you find yourself falling into old habits and repeat.

Well I'm happy to say that I've NOT gained weight. I have gotten a lil flabbier but at least I've stayed the same weight. And as for sleep it really hasn't been THAT bad but most days I could hit the snooze a few more times.

Anyhow, the point of my post is that I sometimes have poor time management skills.  If I could implement/follow the advice of "professional organizers/time management specialists" ALL of the time rather than just PART of the time I would have more time for myself. And they say time for ones self (sp?) is essential to a balanced life.  And my biggest desire in life, I've recently realized, is that I want a balanced life.  I mean seriously, wouldn't that be like, PERFECT! Yes, yes it would. sign  me up!

Alright, so I'm going to be busy busy until at least Sunday but I will pencil in some time for blogging between now and then because blogging is fun, keeps me accountable, and gives me someone to talk to. I feel a sense of comraderie with the blogging community that I don't feel elsewhere. Oh, ding subject change, I told my step mom that we wouldn't be home for Thanksgiving and that I probably wouldn't be up until April time. She didn't sound surprised but she did sound disappointed. I'm sorry for that but my well being first, all other second. I can no longer handle being in negative situations that I don't have to be in. So, if any of you all want to come over for Thanksgiving dinner, I'll be serving it in the afternoon...probably about 4.

ttyl

It’s Friday which also means it’s BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy – on Sunday!!

Ok...I KNOW this is late but I just LOVE the questions this week! Thanks Laura from Beer, Dogs, and Getting Healthier for posting!

Five little questions you can copy and paste and answer in your own blog to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blog brain a break!

1. What’s your most favorite noise and your least favorite noise?
Ok, I have two most favorite noises. One is light "weather" (like rain falling and hitting the window or gusts of wind) in the wee early morning hours on a Saturday (cuz I can stay home most Saturdays). The other is my lil snuggle bunny Fredbird coming and snuggling up next to me, finding his "perfect spot" and letting out that "sigh". The noises make me snuggle further down under my blanket and count my lucky stars for being so blessed!

As for least favorites, I have many. I have pretty sensitive ears and at certain times of the month every noise seems "intensified". People snapping/popping gum actually hurts my ears. Another least favorite noise is certain people talking. Whining makes me ill!

2. If you were a character in the movie Grease – who would you be?
Betty "Rizzo". The dark hair tough acting girl. She can be taken several ways and may have been misunderstood. Outwardly she acted tough and confident but on the inside (IMO) she wanted the same things others wanted: love, understanding, acceptance.

3. What was the name of your best friend in elementary school? Are you still friends?

Christie and yes we are still friends. We don't see each other much or talk as often as we might like BUT we do know where the other is when we need each other most desperately.

4. Who is your current celebrity crush?
Still Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson...shhhhh..don't say a word; just let me just look at you! :O)

5. Repeat question: How was your week in real life and in blog land?
My week has been pretty hectic. I've had some volunteer things, heavy work schedule, and tons of outside work to get done before the snow. Bloggy land has slightly suffered. I've been able to read some blogs but not respond to anyone. And I just got my first post done in like over a week and a half (this will be my second).

Gone Crazy-BBL

Hello there.

It's been a bit hectic around here and I'm totally ok with most of it.  We got a new boss a month or so back and I'm not diggin him. BUT if I were/am to stay with the organization I've got 20 yrs to his 2 before it's all over so I might as well just suck it up. I openly admit that this will be a great learning "tool" (sorry my brain froze and I forgot what word I really was going to use). I will also openly admit that this guy is all about goals (one sided for him of course-ie his goals only included what is good for him only not what is good for the organization and for him). Anyhow, working with him gets me thinking on what I'd like to do, where do I go from here (professionally) to get where I want to be (professionally and personally).  I think I heard this thought on the Daily Boost and the thought is "there really is no difference between professional and personal." And in the end I want it all to be as harmonious as possible.

OK...thinking out loud: WHAT IS IT THAT I WANT PROFESSIONALLY?

1. An occupation that doesn't leave me stuck in one location (#nomorecubicle)
2. An occupation that allows me to be in a "far away location" but still get work done (#telecommute)
3. An occupation that allows for decent pay (at the very least) and benefits (#notlookingtoberichbut)
4. An occupation that allows me to be excited about what I am sharing (#cantwealljustbehappyaboutsomething)

Now, these aren't my only wants...just the "main ones" that I can think of off the top of my head. And please don't get me wrong-I LOVE MY CURRENT JOB. But my current job doesn't allow for much movement and 20 years from now when I am to "retire" I don't want to be known as the "Bitch kept the office running ultra smoothly AND had time to feed us."

And now, thinking out loud: WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS!?

1. A writer of some sorts
2. An online teacher (although I would also be open to teaching in a classroom
3. Outside Sales
4. ??
5.  ??

And then, thinking out loud: WHAT IS KEEPING ME FROM EXPLORING MY OPTIONS?

1. While I'm a smart cookie, I am not the smartest bulb in the batch. If I were to explore the teaching option I would totally need to work on my grammar/grammer? (sentence structure, when to use verbs etc).
2. While my confidence in myself is growing, I still have many days where I feel like the biggest failure to walk the earth. OK, maybe not the biggest failure BUT you know what I mean (I think).
3. Me. I keep myself from exploring options because for whatever reason I just don't believe in myself.

Either that or I just enjoy the "security" that my job has to offer that I don't want to walk away yet. But nothing is "secure" and shit happens. I'd like to find "something" that I could do "part time" that would not only supplement my income (thus paying off the big bills sooner) but that would give me a taste of what is available.

By the way...I'm not ignoring any of the blogs on my "worth following" list.  I have been able to get on here and read them (and I'm also happy to see that I am not the only one crunched for time these days) but not been able to post a response as much as I'd like. 

TTYL

Thoughtful Thursday

Isn't it funny when you have a light bulb moment and you're like "well duh--I saw that coming but chose to look the other way!"

Isn't it funny when you realize that the boat you're sailing in, the one you are busy rowing towards the pretty shore, stops moving and starts sinking. It's filled with water because you chose to look the other way when you first noticed a hole develop.

Isn't it funny how when you let yourself feel comfortable with the progress you've made you realize that you've become TOO comfortable and that your progress is fading.

No, it isn't funny at all is it. It's a bit disheartening and you feel as if it's all for naught. But it ISN"T for naught, it's for something. IT'S FOR YOU!!! Just because you have a bad day or you have a bad week, or maybe you've had a bad month-you're journey is not for naught. IT'S FOR YOU. NO ONE ELSE. GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK FRICKIN NOGGIN. Period. end of that discussion.

So what do you do to get out of this FUNK. Do you think about it? Do you go to the store and buy supplies? Do you pull your pen and paper out and start a list? Do you get your list done and say "ah yes this will work; we start tomorrow!" ***NEWS FLASH*** There is NO TOMORROW. NO FRICKIN TOMORROW!!! And why wait when you CAN start today. March your rear end in to that batheroom, look at yourself in the mirror, raise your hand, point your finger to the mirror and shout (yes shout) MY CHANGE STARTS TODAY. RIGHT THIS MINUTE. I DESERVE THE BEST! FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU THINK IS WRONG AND FOCUS ON WHAT'S RIGHT WITH YOU! 

It's not funny anymore and truthfully it never was. The sharades are over, the gig is up. One step in front of the other, no matter how small, will get you to your destination. The journey to your destination may not be short but that's ok...the longer the journey the more fun you'll have. All the things you'll learn about yourself; all the things you'll learn about others...such a fun and wonderful journey if you'll only STOP LOOKING THE OTHER WAY!!!

Wednesdays Wonder for this week...

why is it that "wonders never cease to amaze" us? #idontgetit

I wonder who broke my coffee cup and didn't fess up? #ruderuderude

I wonder what my purpose is...daily #lifedoeshavepurposeright?

I wonder why many of us ask questions that don't have answers. #confused

I wonder why men are wired so much differently than women. #hesfromanotherplanet

Friday's fuming or foaming at the mouth: your choice

Ok...let me first forewarn you that I've had WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE. I feel like I'm in over drive and doing things at an incredibly fast pace. Of course it's also year end for me at work and everything needs to be done now now now now (and now). #vaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrroooooooooommm

2ndly, I am not selfish. Taking time for me, taking time to address my needs, putting my health and well-being first is not being selfish. It’s called self-perseverance. It is now a necessity and if someone doesn’t like it’s their problem. Others don’t have to answer to me and I will no longer feel the need to defend my decisions to those that don't like them. #kissmyazz

3rdly, after listening to the "Daily Boost" on my ipod touch (a free podcast off of itunes but I also think you can go to motivationtomove.com for free audio casts) I realize that I AM the most powerful person I know. I decide how i will respond to each and every situation. Yes I know, I sometimes react rather than respond but that's because I gave myself permission to do so. I decide when, what, where, how etc etc on many things in my life. Yes, i know, there are some things beyond my CONTROL.  BUT that doesn't mean I can't be the one to decide how I respond (or react) to said item beyond my control. #ohyesIsaidthat

4thly, I have a confession...I've been on a TOTAL sugar binge for at least the last 4 weeks. I'm amazed that I've lost ANY weight.  I've had DOZENS of donuts and AT LEAST 3 bags of muddy buddies. At first I blamed the new boss who is about as Type A as I am. However, see "3rdly" above. I made those choices. Thankfully not all of my food choices have been bad.  #allaboutaccountibility
 
and finally, TGIF. #enoughsaid
 

Wacky Wednesday Wonderings???

I WONDER why

1) I’m wavering on the ww path. Yes, I’m still tracking my foods and my weight but I’m struggling with the last 20 lbs (#dragginattitude)

2) I even bothered to get my Master’s degree if all I’m going to do with it is be an “office assistant” (#lovedmyjob2weeksagobutnotsomuchthisweek)

3) God gave me good looks instead of good humor (#iwannabewitty)

4) The grass is NEVER greener on the other side (#wishfulthinkingontheirpart)

5) More people don’t want to break the “cycle” and do something GREAT with their life. Instead they blame those in their past for their current failures (#itsnotmyfault)

6) There’s no real separation of seasons any more in the Midwest (#somuchforspringorfall)

7) Promotions affect some more powerfully than others. Some stay balanced; others let it go to their head. (#saynotopowertrips)

8) People expect me to do all of the calling and visiting. don’t THEY understand that the road goes two ways (#nolongerfeelingguiltyforpoorcommunicationskills)

9) it took me so long to grow up. I was never “totally” immature but I certainly had my days. Can you imagine how great I’d be if I’d learned some of life’s most important lessons sooner?! Ah..better late than never (#nevertoolatetogrowup)

10)  I wonder so much. Seriously, everything in life happens for a reason. (#don’tsweatthesmallstuffit’sallsmallstuff)

and in closing…here is an awesome quote I snagged from someones email…hope that they gave credit where credit was due properly….

“BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. BELIEVE IN YOUR OWN POTENTIAL FOR GREATNESS. BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. IT IS SOMETHING THAT IS WITHIN EACH OF US. BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF ONE” Evan Tanner

Ten Things Thursdays

1. A really good friend is coming to town this weekend and the hubs will be gone (most of the weekend). Finally a REAL girls night that doesn’t just mean that I’m staying up late with the dog to watch chick shows! This weekend has been planned for quite some time…and of course over labor day weekend I find out that the niece (my husbands niece) is having a birthday party. The MIL was not pleased when I mentioned I couldn’t attend because I was having company. F’her ya know. I’m tired of making plans and THEN having to alter the plans because of someone else. The MIL mentioned me bringing my friend but WTF-is that PC (politically correct)? I mean it’s the nieces party, hosted by the nieces mother NOT hosted by the MIL. Why does she get to decide who goes to the party and why do I have to go? None of them could really give a shit (pardon the french) what I do any other day of the year (including holidays and MY BIRTHDAY) #iknow-actlikeagrownup


2. The pug pup is doing wonderfully (knock on wood). Still must squirt the little shit now and then with water to “chill him out” but he’s such a doll (and a total morning dog). And FB is getting more and more comfy with him and isn’t afraid to fight back (lil pup is up to 10 lbs now-yahoo). Many times a day it seems like pugtona at our house as the pups run after each other single file round the living room furniture and kitchen table. #very cute.

3. I love how the guest room turned out. I love the colors; I love the bedding; and I even love the curtains that are acting as closet doors. It will be a nice hiding place for me to read or nap or whatever (as well as a nice place for visitors). It’s really serene and comfy cozy. Matter of fact I love it so much that I plan on sprucing up the bathroom, living room, and sun room with a dab or two of new paint and accessories.

4. I’m so very excited that it’s fall. I heart (mostly) fall….I love the cooler weather; the changing of the colors; sweaters, jeans, and hoodies; and cooking. Really LOVE cooking. What I don’t always like is the allergins that are in the air…but it’s a small price to pay right!? I mean really, so many pros very little cons to fall. I don’t even mind that if it’s fall time, snow is soon to follow. LOL of course once it dips below freezing for several day I’m beggin and cryin for sun and heat!

5. With fall comes my desire, urge, need to be outside walking/jogging. I’m very thankful that the puppy is “maturing” because then on the weekends I don’t feel guilty not being near him every.second.of.the.day. Thank heavens for naps.

6. I’m not fond of new bosses…especially ones that come straight in and right off the bat change things. They don’t bother to look at how things have been done (and worked for years); don’t look at the fact that we are the NUMBER ONE office in our district (and it’s because of how we do things); they just come in and change things because it’s how they did it in their last group. It must be a power trip or something…just like a dog peeing on the mailbox. Marking his/her territory. Or it’s like the new dog smells the old dogs pee and thinks “He didn’t do it right, this is how you pee on the mailbox, squirt.” #irritating

7. I’m keeping my current car (05 PT Cruiser) until it either crokes (and costs more than it’s worth to fix) or some else totals it. Period. I don’t care how much I want a mini van (yes-I’d love a mini van). There are just too many rude, inconsiderate aholes dinging my current car that it isn’t worth spending good hard earned money on a new ride for others to abuse and me to cry over.

8. Although I love my current job, I’ve been daydreaming of a different job. I do have a Master’s degree after all and it isn’t going to pay for itself. However, with the current status of the economy and the fact that I have a pretty good paying “office assistant” job (that is making the payments) it’s hard to fathom leaving my current gig.

9. I am working on being entirely debt free by 2020. I may not have much in savings (if any) but I WILL HAVE our house, my student loans, and miscellanous credit cards paid off. I’m tired of limiting my horizon. I’m tired of being at the mercy of the “almighty dollar” and making sure Peter pays Paul and Paul pays Peter. I’m confident that I can do this, I’ve already started making changes to my budget, IT WILL GET DONE.

10. I’m glad that I am who I am. There’s no one else I’d rather be. There’s not point in time I’d go back to to “change” something. I’m not perfect but I sure am having a really nice time trying to be a better person…someone mom would be proud of!

Tori's Tuesday Tidbits

I can still jog a mile without stopping even though I haven’t jogged since April 2011. #ouchmylegshurt




I’ve resorted to squirting the puppy with a water bottle; it’s the only way to get him to stop nipping/biting Fredbird! #soannoying



I’m SO excited that fall is upon us. #lovemysweaters



I’m “ever so slightly” nervous about telling my folks we are not coming for the holidays…I’m boycotting going ANY WHERE (even the in laws) for Thanksgiving and Christmas (unless it’s to volunteer at the food pantry). #tiredofonewayroads



Yes, it REALLY is ALL about ME; just ask me I won’t lie to you. #imfullofshitcan’tyoutell



A good friend of mine is coming this weekend from VA…#soexcited.

Tori’s Tuesday Tidbits

• Turning 41 has not been as exciting as turning 40. Granted 41 is much better than the early 20’s but I’m just sayin.

• It was a pretty productive weekend at my household. I got half of my to-do list (20 items) done…none of which included reading.

• I love my Moving Comfort Maia high impact sports bra. I love it so much that I bought two more and wear them on a daily basis (they make me feel sexy!! Odd? Yes but the bra keep things “high and tight” and gives a look of small and perky chest!).

• I haven’t gotten to sleep in (past 6am) or take a nap since July 31st…as they say on twitter #notcool

• I have a twitter account, twitter is ok, but rarely ‘tweet’; I don’t always understand all the slang (and I can’t find a cheat sheet) and some folks I tried to follow (whom I didn’t know know) tweeted too much about stuff that was of very little interest to me (every half hour of EVERYDAY!). I want to tweet with “normal” folks, about normal “chickish” stuff (@tori7870 did you all hear about the new mascara/brow coloring by Covergirl? Or @tori7870 I tried the most awesomeist meat loaf and it was only 4pts a serving!).

• I wish I could overcome my “reality tv” obsession….most of those shows are like “watching a train wreck” or “being a looky loo” and have no real positive impact on my life (unless you consider the fact that after viewing some of those shows I feel “normal” or reassured that my life really doesn’t suck that bad.

• I am continually amazed/in awe of the changes that naturally happen in my life. From the improvements in the puppy’s behavior to the excitement in my hubs voice when sharing something new to me to my personal growth as a woman, daughter, wife, co-worker, friend.

• I really LOVE my job; I LOVE my co-workers; still wish that I could work from home! #somefolksareneverhappy

 

 

 

Ten Things Thursday’s….

Long weekend coming up and it will start early for me (yeah me!)…need to plan a list of things I’d like to get done.

1-Finish painting the guest room (and put up curtain)

2-organize closets in guest room and old guest room

3-work on border (get at least half of them laid)

4-purge items in the sun room (file cabinet, hobby cabinet, shelving unit)

5-laundry

6-make cookies or chili for work (do Monday)

7-clean the bathroom (scrub is more like it) and change out seat.

8-vaccum whole house

9-mop kitchen floor

10-find someone to take unused shower stall and toliet out of laundry room.

Ten more things that I’d like to make time for:

1-read 4 chapters of my “The Total Money Makeover” (thanks Sarah from Finding my Fabulosity)

2-write a list of food items we have in the house (both freezers and the pantry)

3-from list of food items on hand make list of meals that can be made

4-create a list of “staple food items” needed

5-read and respond to blogs

6-walk/jog on treadmill each day for a minimum of 15 mins

7-read 4 chapters of “101 ways to get organized”

8-chat with neighbor

9-go to breakfast with friend

10-go to dinner with friends

Tuesday's Tidbits

Ø Gaining weight is easy; there’s no thought process to it. The less you think about your weight the more you gain. And in no time!

Ø With many "things" in life there is NO maybe; it’s either yes or no. Plain and simple. Either you want to live healthier or you don’t. Either you want to exercise or you don’t. Shit or get off the pot!

Ø You can’t MAKE someone else do something that you want done (or you think that they need to get done). People don’t respond well to someone forcing them to do something. You get better results by ASKING them to do it. So why would you FORCE YOURSELF to do something and expect a positive response? Just saying…

Ø The saying “failure is not an option” is bullshit (IMO). Failures happen all the time-it’s a fact of life. Just like losing, just like “quitting”-IT HAPPENS! Best learn from the failure/mistake/set back/loss/whatever and push forward. The saying should be “Dwelling on the failure/loss/set back/mistake is NOT an option!”

 Ø Expectations have a tendency (again, IMO) of getting set too high. It’s wonderful to expect great things of yourself and others “because I’ve worked so hard for this or that” but it isn’t always as easy as that. Life (and people) often get in the way sometimes. Besides, I can only expect MYSELF to do the best I can (I can’t make someone else set their “bar higher”) and be more understanding of the fact that I am ME and you are YOU.

Ø Not every “conflict” needs to be “addressed and resolved”. Some “battles” aren’t worth fighting. Sometimes, it’s best to keep my mouth shut, my head down, and “get’r done”!

Toot your own horn Tuesday (but on Wednesday)

I AM a force to be reckoned with

I AM incredibly smart

I AM determined

I AM a really good person

I AM dependable

I AM loyal

I AM compassionate

I AM young at heart

I AM a planner

I AM totally a type A personality

Beat the Heat week 7?

What did you do this week to work towards your goals?

Read another chapter in my “101 ways to organize” and continued to utilize my personal calendar to pre-schedule events as well as track “unanticipated” events.

What did you do this week to make yourself feel fabulous?

Went and had my hair colored and trimmed. Oh, and I tweezed my brows too (yeah no more unabrow!!).

What has been your biggest challenge this week?

Adapting to life with puppy and the realization (once again) that I have NO real control over “other” things or people (dogs included). I can only attempt to control myself and my responses to a situation….working towards being a calmer, more organized, less spazmatic individual is challenging but is giving the impression of being very rewarding.

Do you need neatness and order to feel good or does a bit of untidiness not bother you?

It really depends on the day and my mood. I’m an ever so slight untidy person (but everything does have its place). There are times however (normally after 11pm) that I get a bur up my rump and decide to clean, pitch, purge, scrub.

Would you rather be attacked by 20 duck sized horses or 20 horse sized ducks?

Holy quackers!!! Probably the 20 duck sized horses…they’d be easier to “gently” push away!!

and the positive picture of the week is....

My hubs....the man who balances me out!

I am not....

The gal over at WeightWars had a wonderful post that really spoke to me today. While I am not in a "bad" mood, I'm not in a "great" mood either (feeling kind of "aickkk") and reading her "I am not my hair" (a spin off of another blogger post-go check it out and you'll see what I'm trying to get out but not able to).

anyhow...here is my "I am not" post....

I AM NOT AS STUPID AS I SAY I AM IN MY MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS
I AM NOT AS STUPID AS YOU WANT TO ASSUME
I AM NOT MY PARENTS
I AM NOT MY BROTHER
I AM NOT FAT
I AM NOT SKINNY
I AM NOT UGLY
I AM NOT WORTHLESS
I AM NOT A CALLOUS PERSON
I AM NOT TOO SENSITIVE
I AM NOT CHEAPSKATE
I AM NOT AN OVERLY HAPPY PERSON (AND THAT'S OK)
I AM NOT A SLOB
I AM NOT "THAT" PERSON IN THE MIRROR
I AM NOT MY INSECURITIES
I AM NOT PREJUDICE PERSON
I AM NOT SETTLING
I AM NOT HERE JUST BECAUSE
I AM NOT BAIT
I AM NOT YOUR PUNCHING BAG
I AM NOT YOUR DOORMAT
I AM NOT YOUR SUCKER
I AM NOT ASKING TOO MUCH OF ANYONE-ESPECIALLY MYSELF

Beat the Heat week 7

1. What have you done to help you achieve your goals?

I lost two more pounds this week; started reading “Complete Idiots Guide to Raising Pugs” because I figure the sooner I remember how to train the pug (ie potty train him) the sooner I can get back to “normalcy” (ie reading my 101 ways to Organization, reading the other books in my nook, exercise, AND get real sleep); Still haven’t signed up for the Cow Bell Half Marathon. I doubt that I will. When I made my goals I had no idea we would be acquiring a puppy. Puppies take an uber amount of time, energy, love, patience, supervision (etc etc remember-puppies are much like toddlers) and I just don’t have the “ump” to devote time needed to train for the half and train the pup. A normal human being may be able to do everything that needs to be done (work, keep house, attend to family-including pets, errands) in a 24 hr day but not me. And yes, it is an excuse because there are plenty of folks that can do so much more than I and exercise for 30 mins to an hour a day. (shrug). I’ve been utilizing my personal calendar as well as my work calendar (I’m really digging getting better at time management)…just haven’t used the exercise calendar.

2. What have you done to make you feel fabulous?

I haven’t choked the puppy…that makes me feel FAB-U-LOUS. I haven’t cried this week…. that makes me feel FAB-U-LOUS…I lost 2 more pounds…. that makes me feel FAB-U-LOUS.

3. If your house was on fire, and you could grab ONE thing (outside of people and your computer/laptop, they are all out) what would it be?

Well DUH…F’ THE COMPUTER GET THE DOGS !!!!

4. Tell us about your blog. Treat it like a book, what’s happened so far?

So far, with my blog…I’ve kept it real. I’ve grown; I’ve corresponded with other bloggers; I’ve aspired to get better and better each day.

5. Fun Question: Tell an embarrassing story about yourself. No dodging.

One time…when I was 16 I went out drinking and came home drunk. In an attempt to NOT get caught I thought I’d be sly and go up the back steps which involve entering the house via the basement. As I went up the basement steps I found the main door to the house to be locked but the doggie door was not. Yep, you guessed it…I tried to get in through the doggie door. My rear was this big (_________________) the doggie door was this big (_______).

this is how I've been feeling...if I hold my breathe long enough all the bad will pass!!!

And out of the dust I walk

I really do appreciate you all listening to my woes about the newest addition to our family. Change doesn't always come easy to me and too many changes at once overwhelmes me. I am sure that this new lil guy is a blessing and I will learn a new valuable lesson, it may just take time for me to realize the true blessing (he's been sick and of course has spurts of baby energy along with attempting to keep our carpets free from pet soil). With FB I learned patience and unconditional love. Yes, unconditional love from a pup! :O) So I'm really intrigued with what lies ahead for us/me as the new puppy grows.

There is change at work too..we  have a new boss starting tomorrow.  Seems like a nice guy; I've known him for awhile, never had a problem with him but have never directly worked with him either. But as always with change there is a bit of uncertainty-even if there really is no need to feel uncertain. I remember a day when I was fearless and I looked change dead in the eye and said "bring it". But the fear of the unknown these days sometimes dictates a different response from me. I've just come to embrace routine!  But it's going to be alright. I will be alright. I love my job and the folks I work with so deep breathe in/deep breathe out (or one foot in front of another ir you prefer).

Beat the Heat week 6

1. What have you done this week to help you achieve your goals?


Well, let me see. Only reading I’ve gotten done is on Pug’s and their needs (it’s amazing how much one forgets when the pup is no longer a baby) to make sure I haven’t forgotten something important. I’m not done reading the “101 ways to get organized”….But I did do some house cleaning utilizing the information I gained from what I have read so it’s all good. Still have the form for the moo cow half marathon Oct 2nd. I keep wavering on if I really want to do it. The Fees for the ½ don’t go up until September ish so I should decide soon. I just have NOT gotten any “real” exercise done lately. Prior to the new puppy pure laziness is what kept me off the road/treadmill; with the new pup I’ve been overwhelmed emotionally, had had little sleep up until last night (although I still got woke up during the night for potty breaks) that I haven’t gotten to run/walk much (other than to chance the lil bugger as he marches off with a leaf!). I’ve been using my calendars but not to the best of my ability (although my time management skills are improving greatly!). As for the weight-I’m making really good choices, staying with in points, and losing ever so slowing. I’m totally fine losing weight slowly-it’ll be easier to keep off!!

2. What have you done this week to make you feel fabulous?

Not a good week for “feeling fabulous”. I’ve been having complete and total melt downs all week! He may just be a “dog” to others but he’s a baby to me. This baby has many needs; so does his older brother. Making sure that everyone’s needs are met (including my husband and myself along with other family members) is incredibly demanding (IMO) and requires one to let go of selfishness. My heart goes out to human moms and what they must go through when for whatever reason they can’t take their baby with them somewhere and must trust someone else to see to their needs.

3. Do you feel you get everything out of your life? Would you like to change things or are you happy where you are (I know a bit deep but I’m thinking about major life achievements this week achieved and not!)

No, I don’t feel I get everything out of life BUT I can be a bit…a bit…a bit like my expectations are much too high. I don’t mean it in a bad, depressing, I’m a loser kind of way; I just prefer to reach for the stars and be happy that I’ve hit the clouds. Believe it or not I’m a pretty happy person. Yes I am easily over whelmed but I am working on this. My hubs says I have a touch of OCD but I’m always on alert for changes that may need to be made to make life a lil less over whelming for someone (especially me or my family).

4. What’s your ultimate favorite food? Is it healthy? Can you make it healthy?

Oh gosh…I love ALL foods…Not sure that there is a “ultimate” favorite. If there is I’m sure it would be in the seafood family. And BTW, I’m a firm believer that any “favorite” food can be made healthy if it isn’t already healthy.

5. Fun Question: What do you want to be when you grow up J ?

When I grow up I want to be either self employed (something with animals-duh) OR working somewhere that either lets me make my own hours, work from home, or lets me take my pups to work. My pug Fredbird has not only enhanced my life but he really saved it too. He is such an amazing lil guy and I can’t imagine life without him. And I know that lil Frankie, in time will add a special blessing to my life as well. Also, when I grow up I want to make enough money that I can take mini vacations more often (and yes, some with the pups).

and the picture of the week...my two lil men.....

Beat the week (wk 5)

What have you done this week to work towards your goals?

Nothing…sorry…nothing. I haven’t been using my calendars…haven’t read my organization skills book…filled out the form to register for the Moo cow half marathon but didn’t write the check or mail the form. I did manage to lose 1.4 lbs bringing me closer to losing 20lbs (now I’m at needing 17.8 to lose-I’ll be happy with 10! How many more weeks we got??)…and next week doesn’t really look promising as I have a new pup to help potty train (and learn to not be so anxious about—by the way my older pup and him seem to be doing fine-a lil bit of a daddy baby relationship but still becoming buds), a spare guest room to finish painting, and family coming into town.

2. What have you done to make yourself feel fabulous?

Nothing..nada….zilch….but I don’t really feel bad either! Well, I am a lil tired because we got a new puppy on Friday.

3. How are you finding your goals this challenge? Do you still think you can achieve them?

Non confrontational; easily obtainable with more effort but still rewarding for the effort I am putting in. I’m trying to be a less stressful type a person…a person who doesn’t HAVE to do everything on their list RIGHT THIS MINUTE just because it’s on my list. Know what I mean jellybean!?

4. Freebie! If you want to change one goal change it. Explain your decision even if you don’t change any.

I don’t have the mental focus/energy to change a goal right now. Even if I did I probably wouldn’t. I choose goals that will help lead me to the overall goal and that is to be the best, most well balanced person I can be (quirks and all).

5. Fun Question: If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Your funds are unlimited!

Ireland. Some of my roots are there and I hear the crime rate is relatively low. J It’s also very beautiful (if the pics are not deceiving) with history that is amazing (not that the US history isn’t amazing but …).

picture of the week is of the peace and quiet I got, for the first time in four nights (yes-that IS a long time) last night....

and yes..those are doggie stairs...FB ain't gettin any younger!!